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The eternal ballgown dilemma

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, here goes. Pre-empting several similar threads...

I have a lovely ball gown, strappy, which I am determined to wear. My arms are quite scarred from self-harm but all in all they don't look too bad. I want to go sleeveless (and can't afford a new dress anyway!) but I was wondering if anyone can recommend a good concealer to cover up the worst of it?

Ta!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont know much about the concealer thing... a bit off topic maybe but you can get get pretty scarf type things that you drape around your arms/shoulders aswell if you'd still feel self conscious. I got one when it was my ball thing as i feel self conscious about the tops of my arms, made me feel better about being in photos and such... especially as you can get really pretty ones that match your dress.
    Sorry if this isn't any help :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    H-face wrote:
    I dont know much about the concealer thing... a bit off topic maybe but you can get get pretty scarf type things that you drape around your arms/shoulders aswell if you'd still feel self conscious. I got one when it was my ball thing as i feel self conscious about the tops of my arms, made me feel better about being in photos and such... especially as you can get really pretty ones that match your dress

    :yes: A pashmina or a shawl.

    Alternatively - you could use the stuff they use to cover tattoos?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well. Depends how elaborate we're talking here but some long gloves could look lovely. Don't know if that's apt for what you're wearing though. :)

    I'm sure you'll look great regardless. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The wrap/shawl/whatever sounds like a good idea. This right now is a useless post, but my mom has this stuff thats used to cover up when you get those white pigmentless blotches on your skin, I tried that and it did a great job covering scars and didn't run/smudge or anything. Sorry I can't tell you what it is right now! I'm 99% sure its either by clinique or este lauder though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dermablend :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    Dermablend :yes:
    :thumb:

    To t'others - I did the shawl thing a couple of years back when I left school but it irritated me so I lost it eventually, but I am taking one for photos and such. Also, it's both my upper and lower arms that are problematic so neither a shawl nor gloves will hide everything. I just wanted some make up to get rid of the really bad stuff. I'm going to have to live with the rest. *deep breath*

    It doesn't help that my housemate is trying to talk me out of wearing a sleeveless dress. Sigh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    Dermablend :yes:

    :yes: seconded. This stuff was developed by a lady who has a huge strawberry birthmark on her face and when she puts it on you would never know she had any type of blemish there. It stays put too, you have to use their remover to shift the stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    It doesn't help that my housemate is trying to talk me out of wearing a sleeveless dress. Sigh.

    Don't listen to them. Your scars are part of you, if you feel better covering them up, then do. With the dermablend, gloves, scarf combo you can cover up as much as you want. Even if people see your scars- so what? They might stare, they might draw their own right or wrong conclusions, and... who cares, sod em! Also, even if they're noticable, people's eyes will be drawn to your face if you smile confidently and they'll soon forget the scars. You wear your dress. And post pics too :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    it's both my upper and lower arms that are problematic so neither a shawl nor gloves will hide everything.

    if you'd feel better covered up, something like this might work? (i know it's a pattern and not a shop, but just as an idea. i think it's pretty cute:

    http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEspring05/PATTido.html

    if you want to go sleeveless, then i agree dermablend is the way forwards. you can buy sample sized bits in big boots for testing purposes :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    Don't listen to them. Your scars are part of you, if you feel better covering them up, then do. With the dermablend, gloves, scarf combo you can cover up as much as you want. Even if people see your scars- so what? They might stare, they might draw their own right or wrong conclusions, and... who cares, sod em! Also, even if they're noticable, people's eyes will be drawn to your face if you smile confidently and they'll soon forget the scars. You wear your dress. And post pics too :D

    :thumb: *clap* *clap* *clap*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    Don't listen to them. Your scars are part of you, if you feel better covering them up, then do. With the dermablend, gloves, scarf combo you can cover up as much as you want. Even if people see your scars- so what? They might stare, they might draw their own right or wrong conclusions, and... who cares, sod em! Also, even if they're noticable, people's eyes will be drawn to your face if you smile confidently and they'll soon forget the scars. You wear your dress. And post pics too :D

    Pretty much exactly what I was going to post. You said yourself that they aren't that bad (even if they were though it doesn't matter), don't let other people make you feel bad about your scars it has nothing to do with them! I say leave them be and enjoy your night ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kaff, I found a really nice crochet pattern, too, but I've only just learned and I'm still slow...

    Thanks all. I've got a number of options, I think. I really want to wear the dress and be able to wear it 'as is' so I've ordered a dermablend test kit - I'll try that out first. The other thing is that I do have 8 days out in the open air digging just before the balls so hopefully I'll get a bit of a tan then and it'll be more subtle. Slightly worried that a tan might cause problems if I get hold of the dermablend first... hmmm... anyone know?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wore one of those things Kaff suggested to my yr 11 ball. Bought it in debenhams. I them wore a cardigan for my yr 13 prom. Good plan on the many options , I've never used dermablend but I'm sure someone will know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    Kaff, I found a really nice crochet pattern, too, but I've only just learned and I'm still slow...


    yay for crochet! how long have you got? if you could make your own shrug then people would be so dazzled by your creative talents that no on would even SEE your scars.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, by the time I've finished my exams and come back from my field trip I've only got 3 days.

    I just covered my arm in my Dermablend sample, enthusiastically, and ran out to show my housemate who immediately said, "well, show me where you put it and I'll tell you if it helped..." Sigh. It changed the colour but they still catch the light and it won't stick on "new" scar skin.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If people are judging you on your scars, they aren't worth knowing anyway imo.

    And, because I don't want to make another thread about ball dresses:

    Does anyone know where I can get a nice, full length (or knee length, but nowhere in between) dress for less than about £50? I need some new shoes too. Eek.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're prepared to schlep into London I saw some nice ones in Topshop Oxford Circus (mostly knee length) and there's an Oxfam vintage shop off the 7 Dials that often has some nice ones.

    Monsoon and Coast are good but tend to be expensive. Large department stores also tend to be all right, but probably err on the expensive side.

    T.K. Maxx maybe? And charity shops are allllways worth checking. You never know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    Kaff, I found a really nice crochet pattern, too, but I've only just learned and I'm still slow...

    Thanks all. I've got a number of options, I think. I really want to wear the dress and be able to wear it 'as is' so I've ordered a dermablend test kit - I'll try that out first. The other thing is that I do have 8 days out in the open air digging just before the balls so hopefully I'll get a bit of a tan then and it'll be more subtle. Slightly worried that a tan might cause problems if I get hold of the dermablend first... hmmm... anyone know?
    Be careful with the tanning. Scar tissue tends not to tan at all so it might end up looking more noticable if you have white scar tissue surrounded by dark tanned skin? At least that's what my scars tend to be like in the sun.

    Good luck though :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote:
    Be careful with the tanning. Scar tissue tends not to tan at all so it might end up looking more noticable if you have white scar tissue surrounded by dark tanned skin? At least that's what my scars tend to be like in the sun.

    Good luck though :)
    Well, often the sunlight is good for your skin. I don't do dark so that won't matter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    If you're prepared to schlep into London I saw some nice ones in Topshop Oxford Circus (mostly knee length) and there's an Oxfam vintage shop off the 7 Dials that often has some nice ones.

    I bought one a couple of years ago for a £10 in a charity shop, they didn't have any 'proper' dresses on display but I asked and they led me to a back room where they had LOADS that they hadn't put out, ballgowns, wedding dresses and bridesmaids... I recon, find a largish town or a smallish city and ask is your best bet. In the bigger cities the charity shops seem to have recruited staff who really mark the prices up high, more for the vintage market than regular charity shop prices.

    Oh, and yay for crochet too! Teh bestest christmas present I can remember is my Grandma teaching me to crochet. (although I'm rubbish with patterns and just really enjoy going round and round in circles :blush: )

    All this talk of dresses is making me green! I want a ball to go to...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    I bought one a couple of years ago for a £10 in a charity shop, they didn't have any 'proper' dresses on display but I asked and they led me to a back room where they had LOADS that they hadn't put out, ballgowns, wedding dresses and bridesmaids...
    :yes: When I used to be a volunteer at Oxfam we used to save up all the donated ball gowns throughout the year and put them all out together in a special ball gown sale in December (when there are loads of balls).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh, another thing. Is it ok to wear the same dress 3 times in a week? I have 3 events to go to at UCL Union; the Summer Ball, the Social Colours Ball and Aspire to be Fabulous (the ULU LGBT Ball, which I'm running). I figure the crowd will be subtly different at each so most people will only see me once. But I only have 1 dress I really think looks good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:

    All this talk of dresses is making me green! I want a ball to go to...

    Come to my graduation ball with me, im too scared to go alone :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry to resurrect, need to rant.

    I can't find anything, anywhere, that I think is nice enough. Poo. So I was resigned to going without but one of my friends today was like "well it's enough of a statement to be wearing a t-shirt at the moment, do you really want to go to the ball like that? I mean, it's all about respect, if you had a tattoo you'd hide it (I do and I wasn't going to...) and it's the same thing".

    I don't think it's like being tattooed. whilst it's a horrid turn of phrase I think the most accurate would be that it's a sort of deformity. I don't think he has the right to tell me what I can and can't wear but at the same time he raised the point that I don't like it being stared at or commented on.

    What to do...? It does look bad at the moment I'd thought it was ok but it's really obvious.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i understand your reasons for wanting to go sleeveless, and i do think you should be able to, if you want. it's not anyone else's business what you look like, or what you wear.

    however, i also know what it's like to feel like everyone's staring at you, and if it's at the risk of you feeling a bit uncomfortable the whole time and not enjoying this ball as much as you could, maybe you should cover up?

    i disagree with your friend. it's nothing to do with respect. it's to do with how comfortable you are with people noticing, cause like it or not, some will, and it might be worth sacrificing your stand on the matter to make sure you have a good time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you're probably right. I was thinking, before he and I had this conversation, that I should have something for photos and the award ceremony anyway. I hate being stared at and if I have to collect an award everyone will be looking and I want to think they're thinking about the good stuff I've done for the Union, not that I'm the girl with all the scars.

    A scarf is a pain in the ass all night, but I'll just have to play it by ear and if it gets too much, and I've had a drink or two, I can lose it. I hope.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got this 'thing' I don't really know what to call it (I'll see if I can get a pic) and it's just a thin rectangle of stretchy see through material that's been sown on two edges leaving a gap for you head. It can't slip off like a scarf but you can move it around so that the long corners cover your arms or belly or whatever, and if it's in the way- you fling it back over your shoulders. Might be a really bad explanaition but even a really bad sower like me could make one... really cheaply too...
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