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Trying to move on/ getting over someone

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well basically to cut the story short, things with a girl havent really turned out so good after a few months seeing each other. Suppose its probably the right thing to do at the moment as we are both moving away soon to start Uni and would probably make things worse.

I mean were gonna stay close friends and all that but at the moment its really hard to see her as just a friend. Over the last few months ive just grown to really, really, REALLY like her and its just one of those things were i cant get her out of my head.

Sounds cheesy but meh ... my heart doesnt want to let that go as we did have a really good time together but its just she doesnt think shes ready for a relationship now. But then my head says its probably for the best to try and stop these feelings and just be friends. But its really hard to at the moment, we still hang around alot and i just cant seem to stop feling that way about her.

Guess theres no cure for this kinda thing, how can it be solved? Time i guess, i dunno.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Time for sure will make it easier, but I would suggest you don't see her even as a friend for a while as it doesn't make it easier but worse. Sometimes it's good to take time appart properlu, few weeks, few months, and then go and see her again if you really want to stay her friend. Just talk about it and she will understand, seeing her often is only going to bring back memories and it will take yu onger to get over it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've answered it yourself. Time.

    Time is a great healer. Whether it takes weeks, months or years. Eventually you will be over her.

    To be honest, staying friends with her and still being close with her isn't going to help. I've found in the past that cutting contact with an ex is really the only way to start getting over them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well ... hmmm .. its a really odd situation. Its kind of at the minute as just seeing what happens, not like with split up or anything. I dunno, hard to explain the situation really. Just she doesnt know what she wants and cant decide right now.

    But im just thinking basically of Uni, is there much point in keeping these feelings, then having her decide she wants to be with me but being in a long distance relationship. Well tis only like 2 hours on the train and pretty cheap. I mean that would be great but would be hard not seeing her that much. Ahh im crazy today.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote:
    Ahh im crazy today.

    Just today? :p

    Seriously though, I've spoken to you many times about this and I'm gonna say the same thing..

    just give it time, she needs to make up her mind etc. but it isn't fair on you to just wait around for her. In the meanwhile you need to try your best to move on and focus on other stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, you shouldn't let University get in the way of your relationship. I met my ex whilst at college and we both went on to different Universities 3 hours apart. We managed to stay together whilst at Uni for year and a half. Its not necessarily easy but it is possible. Long distance relationships can work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    To be honest, you shouldn't let University get in the way of your relationship. I met my ex whilst at college and we both went on to different Universities 3 hours apart. We managed to stay together whilst at Uni for year and a half. Its not necessarily easy but it is possible. Long distance relationships can work.


    I agree and disagree to be honest. Yes, long distance relationships can work, but, if it's not right, then it might be better to look to the future - the degree and the people at uni might be more long term.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sometimes it's better to look to the future than to focus on the present or linger onto the past!

    you just really have to focus on why you split up and why it can't work. time will be a great friend and will help you alot! just have some fun with your mates to get her out of your mind and just meet some new people, it works honestly!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Time heals nothing....

    What you need to do is get out there and get a few more quick notches on the belt which will make you realize that SHE IS NOT THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD. Repeat that to yourself!

    There is no point in masking it and being nice, loving someone who doesn;t love you back sucks, so instead of sitting and thinking about it, get out and meet other girls.

    This works well for another reason. See, if she sees you with all these girlem, she might start to feel a bit different and maybe realize you were a catch after all and get a little jealous. Again, all is fair in love and war.

    Good luck bro!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm. a few more 'notches on the belt' isnt what i would suggest. but do go out there and have fun, im trying to get over someone i lived with and was with for 4 years, not easy! if i find myself thinking about what was/couldve been i just imagine physically putting it to the back of mind and thinking about something else. sounds silly but i find if you try not to think in depth about it too much it helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    like everyone else, time is fosho da healing... you've been with da chick for only a few months... if you liked her a lot, it will take a little more time to fuhgettabout her, but it sounds like you're young... you will find another person in the near future that you will fall for hardly... hey, who knows? I was with this someone for close to 3 years, lived together for the most part, thought i'd never be ok without him, but hey... we broke up, we both were so fine & being adults about it, and now we're still friends. he's doing fine w/o me and I'm doing better w/o him. My point is... LIFE GOES ON!

    never give up your hopes!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just give it time, she needs to make up her mind etc. but it isn't fair on you to just wait around for her. In the meanwhile you need to try your best to move on and focus on other stuff.
    I agree with this advice.. it's what I'd recommend too. :yes: and continue to see her all the time really doesn't help. It would be easier for you to stop seeing her for a while.

    And I'm sorry it didn't work out.. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote:
    I agree with this advice.. it's what I'd recommend too. :yes: and continue to see her all the time really doesn't help. It would be easier for you to stop seeing her for a while.

    And I'm sorry it didn't work out.. :(

    Well its not like its dead and buried really at the moment. I mean she still really likes me n all its just she can't decide right now what she wants. Its just i can't stand around like this forever.

    She's basically said .. lets be friends and lets see what happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote:
    She's basically said .. lets be friends and lets see what happens.
    But do you want to be friends?

    I'm asking because it's a difficult thing to do if you like her a lot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote:
    But do you want to be friends?

    I'm asking because it's a difficult thing to do if you like her a lot.

    I dunno ... that question has been on my mind so much. I really don't know and it makes me feel so shit to even think that and makes me upset for having to think about it.

    I really dunno what to do, i think i love her and i know something like that shouldnt make me upset but it does at the minute. I just dunno what to say to her, i can't just leave her because she doesnt want to lose me at all but its hard to be around her if she doesnt feel the same as me. I've told her that i dunno if i should see her if i still feel this way .. but she says i can't just stop being friends now.

    Dunno what to do anymore, i know theres more to life than all this but this whole situation has been on my mind for a whole month. Why are things always this complicated for me? Never seems to ever work out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote:
    Well basically to cut the story short, things with a girl havent really turned out so good after a few months seeing each other. [...]

    Guess theres no cure for this kinda thing, how can it be solved? Time i guess, i dunno.

    This is exactly what I would have said if you didn't beat me to it.

    You cannot actively ostracize someone our of your mind/heart. Just keep busybusybusy with other friends. Be sure to have a lot of fun.

    I am in a similar situation, and I picked up Tablesoccer. I am developing good, and I think about starting in a Club.

    I go out a lot, meet lots of different friends, go biking on a sunny day... Just try to be busy and not sitting here by yourself thinking about her.

    Time is the only cure here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im trying, i really am. I've been trying for the last month but nothings changing. So seeing hers not a good idea? We've planned to go out for a walk on Friday. I can't just leave her, i said i wouldnt. Ahh this is horrible. Whatever i do isn't going to help anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how you feel. I split up with my boyfriend just over 2 months ago, we were together for 5 years, and I'm not over him at all. He was the one that broke up with me, and even now I still love him so much. He started to like someone else while we were together, and i could see it was happening. I found out that the following week after we'd split up he'd been round this girls house and slept with her. But still after knowing all that I love him, Im angry but I love him!!

    He's basically strung me along, saying he doesn't know how he feels, and whether he loves me or not (this girl told him she wanted nothing to do with him after they slept togather). We tried being friends and things kinda got back to how they were when we were together, we ended up speaking every day, but that just made it so much harder for me. I've told him this, and we've tried not speaking, but I think we both find it so hard. But I know I've got to carry on trying (although im really not doing a good job of it) because I've got to eventually get over him.

    I definately don't think you should meet up with her for the time being. By not seeing each other, and speaking she'll either realise she wants to be with you, or she'll realise its the best thing not beig together. However if she doesn't want you back, you'll be on your way to getting over her. And it probably seems like you'll never get over her (i feel exactly the same) but i know we both can and will.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, cos like ive said, i know exactly how you're feeling and it is shit, but we will both move on eventually.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know exactly how you feel. I split up with my boyfriend just over 2 months ago, we were together for 5 years, and I'm not over him at all. He was the one that broke up with me, and even now I still love him so much. He started to like someone else while we were together, and i could see it was happening. I found out that the following week after we'd split up he'd been round this girls house and slept with her. But still after knowing all that I love him, Im angry but I love him!!

    He's basically strung me along, saying he doesn't know how he feels, and whether he loves me or not (this girl told him she wanted nothing to do with him after they slept togather). We tried being friends and things kinda got back to how they were when we were together, we ended up speaking every day, but that just made it so much harder for me. I've told him this, and we've tried not speaking, but I think we both find it so hard. But I know I've got to carry on trying (although im really not doing a good job of it) because I've got to eventually get over him.

    I definately don't think you should meet up with her for the time being. By not seeing each other, and speaking she'll either realise she wants to be with you, or she'll realise its the best thing not beig together. However if she doesn't want you back, you'll be on your way to getting over her. And it probably seems like you'll never get over her (i feel exactly the same) but i know we both can and will.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, cos like ive said, i know exactly how you're feeling and it is shit, but we will both move on eventually.

    Thanks for that :)

    I really can't moan in comparison with your situation, you've loved this guy for 5 years whereas me and this girl were together for only about 3 and abit months. Suppose it doesnt matter really how long, i know how i feel about her and thats all that counts i guess.

    I know i will get over her in time etc ... but in a way i don't want to.

    How can i tell her this? I can't do that to her, it will just make her feel worse and think that shes hurt me again. She's the first girl i can say i've loved and i know saying i cant see her will just upset her, i can't do that to her.

    Maybe i will PM you later.

    Thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    time is a good healer but you will never 100 percent get over someone..their will always be something their between you and the other person.
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