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The Beer Scooter
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just remembered reading this in an email a while. It explains everything! 
The Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after hard night
drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the club to your
house. The answer to this Puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the
following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in
their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a
large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so
much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are
thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately
one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often
lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time. Independent studies
have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation
system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom,
often with horrific consequences.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the
TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
Oh, and last but not least, don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you
to comfortably get home from the club in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
The Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after hard night
drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the club to your
house. The answer to this Puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the
drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the
following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in
their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a
large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so
much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are
thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of
Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly
unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately
one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often
lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time. Independent studies
have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation
system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom,
often with horrific consequences.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the
TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
Oh, and last but not least, don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you
to comfortably get home from the club in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
Post edited by JustV on
0
Comments
Awesome. And probably true.