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Engagement At A Young Age

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes: When I got together with David I knew straight away that it was completely different to any other relationship I'd had before. I didn't need time to realise.

    Aww

    I love cute couples. Even being single I still love them. :heart:
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    :yes: When I got together with David I knew straight away that it was completely different to any other relationship I'd had before. I didn't need time to realise.

    Yep I agree with GWST and SCC - My best friend's parents got engaged after knowing each other for three weeks and were married for 30 years (it only ended because my friend's mum died) My friends Dad had been with a different woman for three years but had never thought to propose to her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think its not good idea to get engaged young. But thats personal opinion. It depends on the people. My friend got engaged and 15, and she's 18 now, just getting married which is sensible and Im happy for them. On the other hand my other friends have only got engaged because her parents didnt approve so they sealed it. I wouldnt get engaged to my boyf even though I cant imagine being with anyone else. Im going to go enjoy uni first and if it survives that (which I really really hope it does) then mayb make it 'serious.' and consider engagment. For me engagement = marriage which isnt good at younger age because then you grow up too quickly.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to say its bad. I was engaged by the time I was 17. But for me it was the worst experience ever. I thought it would be great, I dont even know why I was thinking back. He was a party guy and 8 years older and I wanted to have fun. Until all we did was argue and fight and break up and get back together and argue and fight some more.

    I was so young when I started that I didn't really know how else to be but with him so I always went back. Even though I eventually knew how bad everything was, I was too scared of what else to do so I just went back every time.

    But I know thats hardly the way things work so I cant/wont condemn it. However i am very skeptical of the only being together 5 months thing. Engagement isn't just something you do for shits and giggles. Its a big step and it comes with bigger responsibilities and needs maturity, imo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont agree that "everyone feels like the one when youve only been together a year or two"
    Even my ex NEVER felt like "the one" in the same way that my boyf does now, and that lasted 9 years.
    knowing that someone is right for you is more than just feeling like you love someone.

    ok, maybe saying 'everyone' was a bit of an exaggeration, but i still think it takes time to be sure that someone's right. i had an ex who i was SO sure was the right one. i was totally positive - no doubts at all. but still after a few years it all went pear shaped. and it wasn't anyone's fault, it just happened that when all the intitial breathlessness and positivity wore off, there just wasn't enough there. and i know lots of people who have had that experience.

    now that's just me, and if other people want to, great, and i hope it works out for them, i really do. i just personally would not make that kind of commitment that early in the relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    i had an ex who i was SO sure was the right one. i was totally positive - no doubts at all. but still after a few years it all went pear shaped. and it wasn't anyone's fault, it just happened that when all the intitial breathlessness and positivity wore off, there just wasn't enough there. and i know lots of people who have had that experience.
    Youre right - that happens a lot. Tbh though I dont think you can be any more sure after 4 years or after 10 years or even ever. The logical solution really is to never marry anyone, but y`know, sometimes we take a leap of faith. Thats all it is, faith, that this time we`re right. It somehow feels different - like how its meant to be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh though I dont think you can be any more sure after 4 years or after 10 years or even ever.

    i don't think you can ever be sure that you'll really be with someone forever. that's true.

    but i think you can be sure that you've really got something, you've passed through the honeymoon period, all the initial fantasticness has gone and you're still crazy about them and that you work, as a couple and as a potential family.

    that's what i'd want to hold on for.

    if you're sure sure sure about someone after 5 months then i'm guessing you'd still be sure sure sure after 5 years, and i guess i just don't see any disadvantages of waiting. maybe when you're a bit older it is different, but when you're 16/17/18 like the original subjects, then i think rushing into a lifetime of commitment is a bad idea. even if it does work out for the best (which i know it does sometimes).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could always get promise rings. I know quite a few people who have done that. Its not like an engagement ring, but more of a ring to symbolize that they are committed to each other and each other only. Its a good middle ground Id say.

    We don't really have that over in the UK. I don't think it would mean much to other people.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    filthychav - you shouldn't have to do anything to ward of 'rival girls' tbh

    I just get sick of people trying to split us up, and thinking that our relationship is there to be disrespected. *shrugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FilthyChav wrote:
    I just get sick of people trying to split us up, and thinking that our relationship is there to be disrespected. *shrugs*
    just don't let them....they'll grow out of it

    or slap them and cut their hair off :P
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heh.. Its more likely that they want to do that to me :no:. S'not pleasant.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FilthyChav wrote:
    Heh.. Its more likely that they want to do that to me :no:. S'not pleasant.
    they just jealous bitches with nothing else better to do, bet they don't have bfs do they?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah, they prefer random drunken shagging.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    firstly my opinion is that whatever young people get up to at that agem is their own business, but what i do have a problem with, is that these young people sometimes dont know, or ignore the fact that people do have a valid point when disagreeing with them about such young engadgements
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who really cares though?

    Engagement these days is far more about taking the relationship onto the next stage of commitment than it is about getting married ASAP. We got engaged quite young because we wanted to commit and we knew it was right, but we didn't get married for years afterwards.

    Sure, engagement might not work out, it might fail. But that doesn't make it wrong to want to make an outward sign of commitment.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Who really cares though?

    Engagement these days is far more about taking the relationship onto the next stage of commitment than it is about getting married ASAP. We got engaged quite young because we wanted to commit and we knew it was right, but we didn't get married for years afterwards.

    Sure, engagement might not work out, it might fail. But that doesn't make it wrong to want to make an outward sign of commitment.

    I know someone who had three relationships and got engaged to every girl. I think its ok if you realy feel its right but sometimes people do it when they dont *mean* it. Its like when people say I love you without meaning it. I cant stand it. Or have sex with someone without meaning it. Or marrying someone without meaning it. Im probably just a bit annoyed by it though. Marriage is about a lifetime commitment to one person.

    But anyway. Just a rant, not directed at you kermit :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    but when you're 16/17/18 like the original subjects, then i think rushing into a lifetime of commitment is a bad idea. even if it does work out for the best (which i know it does sometimes).

    But in the subject they are not really rushing into a lifetime commitment are they? As I said before marriage is a lifetime commitment and here the subject is engagement, not marriage... They are getting engaged, so what, did they say they were to get marriednext month?

    And at the end, isn't saying "I love you forever" a life commitment, it's not because an engagement got a deeper meaning that it necessary mean more than "I love you forever"...

    There is no good way of doing anything in life, you just have to do what feels right for you and know that in life there is NO guarantee to ANYTHING...

    Works for love and anything elset...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh I always thought engaged was like... "we are engaged to be married" as in, the parties involved plan on being married within the next year or so. I would never just get engaged to take my relationship to the next level. but maybe things are different from where im from?

    Nah, I agree. That's the only reason I'd get engaged, it's almost like an appointment to marry the person (how sterile-sounding, but hopefully it makes sense :p ).

    I don't think it's to do with places, more that the feeling, sentiment and motivation attached to engagement varies from person to person/couple to couple/relationship to relationship. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've always seen engagement as something you'd do if you were planning to marry the other person, not just a sign of further commitment. I wouldn't get engaged until I was sure I wanted to marry the other person.
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