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Class/Background in a relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How important do you think being from a similar background is in a relationship?
It's never bothered me, I've been out with all sorts and I generally try to be as non-judgemental as I can.
However I've been with a guy about 5 months who is from a totally different background to me. I worked hard at school, had education drilled into me from a young age. Straight A student, went to uni etc etc. but I've always been a free spirit and had pretty liberal teenage years. My boyfriend left school at 14/15 and sometimes it really shows. Generally, he has just had a totally different upbringing and lifestyle.
Sometimes it causes a few arguments, like about him not understanding how university is important to me. I love him to bits and I know he loves me but sometimes I crave conversation which is a little more..stimulating. However it's not enough to make me end it and I'm enjoying being with him at the moment so it's all good.
However, it's pathetic I know but I can't bring myself to introduce him to my parents yet, and I keep making excuses. They're not judgemental people, but I guess they've hoped I'd find a nice intelligent guy at uni who'd be from a similar background. I know for a fact they won't understand what I see in this guy. Anyway it's gotta happen at some point, is it odd to wait 6 months before introducing someone to your parents?!
It's never bothered me, I've been out with all sorts and I generally try to be as non-judgemental as I can.
However I've been with a guy about 5 months who is from a totally different background to me. I worked hard at school, had education drilled into me from a young age. Straight A student, went to uni etc etc. but I've always been a free spirit and had pretty liberal teenage years. My boyfriend left school at 14/15 and sometimes it really shows. Generally, he has just had a totally different upbringing and lifestyle.
Sometimes it causes a few arguments, like about him not understanding how university is important to me. I love him to bits and I know he loves me but sometimes I crave conversation which is a little more..stimulating. However it's not enough to make me end it and I'm enjoying being with him at the moment so it's all good.
However, it's pathetic I know but I can't bring myself to introduce him to my parents yet, and I keep making excuses. They're not judgemental people, but I guess they've hoped I'd find a nice intelligent guy at uni who'd be from a similar background. I know for a fact they won't understand what I see in this guy. Anyway it's gotta happen at some point, is it odd to wait 6 months before introducing someone to your parents?!
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Comments
I'm from a slightly lower background than the missus (I was the first in my entire family to go to uni) but we're of similar standing in interests so we're fine. If all I liked was football and beer then we probably wouldn't.
I suppose you have to decide for yourself how important the difference you see in your background and upbringing is in this instance - because I'm sure everyone on here would hold it at a different level of importance. The issue is probably why his background is an issue after five months together. The conversation probably isn't going to get any more intellectual, but if you're happy at the moment then why not just go with the flow and see where your feelings take you..
I wouldn't say six months without meeting your parents is odd, suppose it depends if you've met his etc. If he's actually keen to meet them then he might feel a little affronted I guess, but it's nowt to worry about as I see it. I'm sure the opportunity will arise for meeting the parents if and when you're both ready, there's definitely no time-limit on it imo. :thumb:
Yeah, that's what I was trying to say, but making a pig's ear of it.
If you're bright it'd be boring and trying to date someone who was a bit thick, had no ambition, and couldn't string three words together.
Actually, I always look out for girls with a similar background - as you call it, or let's say with a kinda similar education status.
I was once hitting on this girl, but she quit school early and never learned anything, was just working. Later, when the infatuation wore off, I was happy it did not work out.
This is a common thing, to spend time with people of similar education/social status, because many topics and opinions arise of your position in society.
This is just me, if you really love him, make it work.
In my childhood we were hard up, pretty much beause of my father's refusal to pay proper child support... I think if I went out with a 'rich kid' who had no sympathy with people who are ahrd up, or somebody who was snobbish I couldn't be with them.
I think our past experiences shape our view of the world and often we look fr somebody on a similar wavelength on that respect.
Someof the most intelligent and inspiring people I've met have come from working class backgrounds and have no higher education, I don't think education matters. I think passion does.
I completely agree. People are quick to make assumptions.
My ex left school at the age of fifteen with no GCSEs and didn't fair well academically but he managed to get a job as an I.T support manager. It came down to his confidence and way with people. I really admired him for it and like to think its rubbed off on me a little bit.
Some people who are recognised as bright academically have no people skills whatsoever.
What do you see as an 'upper class' person?
I want to go onto study criminology and psychology at university, and I'm really interested in art and culture. Hes thinking about dropping out of his Sports Science course, and isn't really interested in anything but dance music and football. I'm an A-grade student, he got mostly D's in his GCSEs, and spent most of his teenage years getting into fights and skiving school. He's fostered and spends most of his money on his lazy parents, who spend every day down the pub, or drugged up. I'm not from a wealthy family - we don't own a house, and we've never had the money for anything new, but my parents values aren't materialistic like his, and they thrive on culture and art too. My friends are your average gang of girlies with ambition, his mates see me as snobby, and can't seem to strike up conversation with me.
My bf and I don't 'fit', but we love each other, for the now.
Rich snobs who partake in things like horse riding lessons and crap like that!
*spits orange squash across the screen*
Although some of them still have terrible fashion sense - even with all that money!
If they shop in Jaeger and are younger than 45 then yes.
Though I must admit Jaeger have some amazing bags and accesories. But definitely a no-go when it comes to actual clothing.
On the actual topic. It's down to the individual.
I don't think it's as much of an issue for blokes. I wouldn't go out with someone who wasn't on the same wavelength than me, but that's more down to personality than class or background. Though the chances of meeting someone who 'gets me' are improved with people who share similar experiences. I think intelligence is important to a degree. Again, I think girls put more emphasis on having a bloke or equal or greater intelligence than them, than the other way around (though other attractive qualities can lessen the importance placed on this). But I think similar interests are way more important. Someone with equal intellect to you but none of the same interests or viewpoints would be no fun. But with someone who isn't as intelligent or knowledgable, but shares your interests, you could have a lot of fun 'teaching' that person (trying hard not to sound really patronising).
But by saying that it makes you just as snobby as them.
well yeh, just like a cat will always be a cat..?
So because I'm a horse owner I'm automatically rich and snobby? I wish, now join the real world.
On topic, I don't think social standing matters unless you're talking about upperclass dating lower class, which would seem a bit odd to me. I agree that intelligence is more important than what's written on your CV.
Not really I've tried to talk to them and be polite but they just take one glance and stick their noses up, not even worth the effort.
What do you mean by "lower class?" - be careful about the terminology you use as that's really derogatory - especially if you're trying to say that you're not a snobby person as that's exactly what a snobby person would say.
I agree with this, my boyfriend is working class, he's saving up to go to college. He didnt decide this until after he met me, he said i showed him he can do better. This wasnt intentional, he just saw me workin for my degree and it made him see he wanted the same.
I think people in general should be less quick to judge people based on their background. It's whats inside that really counts.
Anyway, to continue the gross stereotypes, I've always found the proper toffs to be a good laugh. It's those one's in the middle that you've got to be careful of. The one's that look down on you because you own a Ford Focus, not an Audi, or because you're kids go to state schools and their's go to private. I find you get more snobbery from those who are just a little bit more well off than you, rather than those who's family owns whole towns. I reckon proper toffs are far more likely to be the victim of snobbery from working class people than the other way round.