If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Essential support for under 25s
Essential support for under 25s
Take a look around and enjoy reading the discussions. If you'd like to join in, it's really easy to register and then you'll be able to post. If you'd like to learn what this place is all about, head here.
Comments
It's not so much people judging me.....it's more that people seem to think I'm this happy, cheeful, confident person when really I'm this depressed self loathing weirdo. So I'm scared that people like the 'funny' me and then are totally disappointed when the real me appears.
Fucking arrghhhhh.
I can't be myself because it'd scare people away.
You really wouldn't scare people away though. People like you for who you are not what you are, nobody is one sided that's for sure. How you see you and how everyone else does is obviously going to be different. Stop being so hard on yourself though. You don't have to " act " in any way except for that which you are comfortable with, and that is being yourself. Trust me i know this now.
You are a much MUCH greater person than i think you give yourself credit for.
You know where i am if you want to talk and things. You've helped me out a bit in the past. I may appear to be stupid but i'm not entirely
I'm pretty sure there's something else >.<
Could just be boredom. I know sometimes when I'm just sitting in the house I just want a drink cos it's so boring. Try not to think about some deeper psychological reasoning behind you wanting a drink, just occipy yourself with something and you'll be sorted.
So worried I'm gonna fuck things up with this girl... I need to seriously stop drinking before anything happens to jepordize this..
If you're good at projecting confidence, then people will think you confident. Confidence is only ever about projecting an image, most people are bricking it when they have to go into new social situations.
I'd say that you're not a weirdo, but you think you are because you don't like yourself and you are depressed. That's how life is. I'm not really sure what else to say, except you're not what you think you are.
What is the "funny you" and the "real you", though?
Nobody can pull off an act for too long without it having truth. So if people think you a wit, the life of a party, then you really probably are.
Why should the sad you be the only "real" you? Sadness is part of everyone, but its not the only part of anyone. The sadness is part of you that you hide, it doesn't make it more real than the confident jokey side you have.
Disappointed isn't the right word, but anyone who cares about you will be sad if you're sad. That's what friendship is about. It doesn't mean you have to hide it or be ashamed of it, friends will laugh at the happy times and support you in the sad times.
When you joke, you are you. Nobody can act that well for long.
There's always a reason.
Feeling nothing is as bad, or sometimes worse, than feeling sadness. At least in sadness you feel alive, even if you don't want to be.
There's nothing freakish about wanting to hurt yourself just to see if you feel anything. It's something a lot of us have done at least once. The pain makes you feel alive when you feel dead inside. It's not freakish to do it at all.
But if you are feeling dead inside, I'd wonder what it is you're trying to blot out.
Hope you're alright. Remember there's no shame in self-harming, even if you haven't done it for ages. We all fall one time or another.
I hope that didn't sound preachy. Just take care and try to keep the girl as an incentive to kick-start a change, if you can.
she didnt return any of my calls/messages... so uh, yeah... pissedville here I come.
Cheers
Its wired, I been really calm the last couple of days. I have a lot of pressure to get my college project done and handed in, I need to do a hell of a lot of revision. I only work 4 days a week, but I'm the only person who can do my job, plus its currently coming up for peak season, so cutting back the hours is not going to help matters either way. Really feel stuck at the moment, I cant seem to one thing without really affecting the other.
Fuck this for a laugh.
When my parents finally found out what I did, they researched it. They looked it up on the internet, got books, watched tv even saw a councler for it. They understood. They knew it was a problem, but they also knew it was someting that could be overcome. Just like alcoholism, it was an addiction, but could be fixed. They knew there could be a lapse. They knew it would be there, but at the same time, it wouldn't always be there.
Ed doesn't know anything. He didn't even try. Thats all he sees. I found out today, when I get angry or sad, thats why he doesn't let me go into another room, and he yells if I shut the door. He didn't even give one effort to try to understand. When a random person sees me wearing a t-shirt, what they think is what he thinks. Thats all he sees. He told me so. I get sad, I get angry, fuck, I'm happy and not wearing a sweatshirt and thats what he sees. Not one fucking effort. He knew long ago what I suffered. I didn't expect him to do what my parents did, but he didn't even try. He's as ignorant as the rest and he doesn't try. Not one fucking bit.
The time I did it was when I was switching meds and had none in me. He doesn't care. He doesn't see past it. Thats all I am. And tonight I found the truth. To not even try... to have to experience it as a bystandard and still refuse to even try to seek out any type of truth in it all... I can't deal with it. Not one ounce of compassion, not one even second of trying... I don't know if I will deal with it. Now that I know what he really thinkks... I love him, but I dont think I can anymore... I doubt he'll change. Just be the same, think the same, be as ignorant as everybody else and not even try...
The thought of sh never even once crossed my mind tonight no matter how sad I had gotten... but thats all he thought about... how I'll fuck myself up...
Just a little update on me- has just gone over 2 months since I've harmed myself- Christ knows how, which i'm finally beginning to feel proud about, never have felt like this before earlier on. Things are going good, been with the boyf for 6 months now 96 month anni. 2day
As I said on Anything goes, good to have you back. Hope things work out for you.
I've managed three months now without cutting. And the urges seem to be a lot less often. Still nowhere near coping the depression though.
You should feel proud
He's a lucky chappy. What I'd give to talk to a lovely girl like you on a regular basis... oh, wait
It's great that you're back, and it's great that you're beginning to feel better. It is a shame that all your old posts have gone - I think you'd find the contrast somewhat remarkable