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coming clean

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
my relationship with my gf has hit a serious rough patch, last weekend i blackmailed her as i felt i had no choice because i was scared of losing her for good, she is very very very angry that i blackmailed her and im remorsefuly sorry about using black mail but she says shes finding it hard to forgive me if she ever can.

i told her that id left the area when in reality i was at home as i wanted a reaction from her, so i guess i lied to her as well. do i tell her that i didnt leave and risk losing her for good, or do i just hope that she forgives me about the blackmail and say nothing about me not really leaving?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should, if you trust and care about her, as she deserves to know the truth.

    It sounds like she can't forgive you, so you might as well 'fess up to everything now and be done with it. But don't expect her to want to stick with you - I wouldn't want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What made you black mail her in the 1st place?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mac Sami wrote:
    I think you should, if you trust and care about her, as she deserves to know the truth.

    It sounds like she can't forgive you, so you might as well 'fess up to everything now and be done with it. But don't expect her to want to stick with you - I wouldn't want to.





    i was low, i felt i didnt have a way out other than blackmail, im certainly not proud of myself, she knows that, she says shes trying to forgive me but is finding it very hard. i hate myself for lying to her but when you love someone that much you would do anything to keep them blackmail and lying was a last resort and im honestly truthfully sorry about the whole mess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal16 wrote:
    What made you black mail her in the 1st place?



    she thought id left the area, and i told her that if she didnt see me then i wouldnt come back. its not like i asked to get back with her or i wouldnt come back so its not really emotional blackmail as she keeps saying....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did you say this to feel wanted or something then?

    I think i'd have been a little upset, but then there must be a reason as to why you did that in the first place, maybe she should realise that and you should talk about it rather than make matters worse arguing about the blackmail.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, scrap my subjective view previously - but I still stand by what I said.

    If you love someone, you'll be honest with them. Unless you can live with the guilt of knowing you lied to her, compounded moreso if she does decide to forgive you for this.

    Sounds to me like you're trying to figure out whether you can get away with not telling her the truth so you can keep her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal16 wrote:
    Did you say this to feel wanted or something then?

    I think i'd have been a little upset, but then there must be a reason as to why you did that in the first place, maybe she should realise that and you should talk about it rather than make matters worse arguing about the blackmail.




    yeah i did, just felt like i was losing her for good and i seriously dont want that, i feel so bad and guilty about blackmailing her but i felt i had no choice. not seeing her now until thursday as she is very very busy, but she shows me no affection when i see her cuz she is mad at me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mac Sami wrote:
    Okay, scrap my subjective view previously - but I still stand by what I said.

    If you love someone, you'll be honest with them. Unless you can live with the guilt of knowing you lied to her, compounded moreso if she does decide to forgive you for this.

    Sounds to me like you're trying to figure out whether you can get away with not telling her the truth so you can keep her.




    no im not not at all
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mac Sami wrote:
    Okay, scrap my subjective view previously - but I still stand by what I said.

    If you love someone, you'll be honest with them. Unless you can live with the guilt of knowing you lied to her, compounded moreso if she does decide to forgive you for this.

    Sounds to me like you're trying to figure out whether you can get away with not telling her the truth so you can keep her.



    i forgave her for meeting a guy in the pub behind my back so she should be able to forgive me for this.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate myself for lying to her but when you love someone that much you would do anything to keep them blackmail and lying was a last resort and im honestly truthfully sorry about the whole mess.

    So you're sure you're not trying to keep her? Final answer?

    Just be honest, for fuck's sake. I don't have any more time for this shit.

    Edit: Oh my god - she met a guy in a pub. Crime of the century. That just spells out your insecurity. So if you blackmail her, lie to her and you're insecure about her, then what the fuck are you doing with her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i did, just felt like i was losing her for good and i seriously dont want that, i feel so bad and guilty about blackmailing her but i felt i had no choice. not seeing her now until thursday as she is very very busy, but she shows me no affection when i see her cuz she is mad at me.

    Why didn't you talk to her about it in the first place? That would have made me more angry, but i suppose sometimes you don't want to cause an argument, but still it would have been the best way.

    There isn't alot you can do, the damage has been done, hopefully she'll see where you are coming from and you can resolve the problem.

    I dont see why it would take along time to regain the trust lost. It's not like you cheated on her, but good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal16 wrote:
    Why didn't you talk to her about it in the first place? That would have made me more angry, but i suppose sometimes you don't want to cause an argument, but still it would have been the best way.

    There isn't alot you can do, the damage has been done, hopefully she'll see where you are coming from and you can resolve the problem.

    I dont see why it would take along time to regain the trust lost. It's not like you cheated on her, but good luck.


    thanks, i just want the whole situation sorted and have a bit of normality back, i love her i dont doubt that for a second. i lied and blackmailed as i felt i was losing her for good. i feel bad about it of course i do, but as you say , its not like i cheated on her and i know that she trusts me. she met a guy in a pub behind my back and i forgave her for that. i dont even mention it now so she should be able to forgive me for a bit of blackmail, i only did it because i wass cared of losing her and not for a cheap kick.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, i just want the whole situation sorted and have a bit of normality back, i love her i dont doubt that for a second. i lied and blackmailed as i felt i was losing her for good. i feel bad about it of course i do, but as you say , its not like i cheated on her and i know that she trusts me. she met a guy in a pub behind my back and i forgave her for that. i dont even mention it now so she should be able to forgive me for a bit of blackmail, i only did it because i wass cared of losing her and not for a cheap kick.

    Yeah, if when you do talk about it try not to mention about that guy she met as it will make matters worse bringing up the past. I've made a mistake in the past and have been forgiven but bringing it up doesn't help anything.

    Does she not have any idea how you felt before everything then? Like unloved etc?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal16 wrote:
    Yeah, if when you do talk about it try not to mention about that guy she met as it will make matters worse bringing up the past. I've made a mistake in the past and have been forgiven but bringing it up doesn't help anything.

    Does she not have any idea how you felt before everything then? Like unloved etc?



    she knows how i feel, she told me that she wasnt sure if being with me was what she wanted, and kept me waiting for ages about what she wanted, so i told her that i had left the area hoping to force a reaction from her, and when she thought i had left i told her that i would only " come back" if she would see me so we could try and sort things out.


    and she said that she will see me but is very very angry that i blackmailed her.


    i wanna tell her that i never left in the first place but i dont wanna just incase it makes things worse, oh man i so confused and mad at myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What is this blackmail you speak of?

    I'm going to be brutally honest now.

    You sound like a really pathetic child. Using emotional blackmail on her to get attention? Wanting to get revenge on her for daring to see another boy in a pub without giving you the gen first? You pathetic little boy.

    Of course she's angry that you blackmailed her. I damn well would be. It's not the attention-seeking that will have pissed her off, it will be the utter childishness of wanting to get revenge on her for daring to speak to a boy in a pub. How old are you, 12?

    Get a sodding grip. You want to be on your knees begging for forgiveness, but I think that you think you were justified in behaving like a spoilt little toddler. If you think it's justified to treat someone like that for speaking to other people then you're a sad pathetic little child, and if I were this girl I'd be drop-kicking you straight into touch.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    What is this blackmail you speak of?

    I'm going to be brutally honest now.

    You sound like a really pathetic child. Using emotional blackmail on her to get attention? Wanting to get revenge on her for daring to see another boy in a pub without giving you the gen first? You pathetic little boy.

    Of course she's angry that you blackmailed her. I damn well would be. It's not the attention-seeking that will have pissed her off, it will be the utter childishness of wanting to get revenge on her for daring to speak to a boy in a pub. How old are you, 12?

    Get a sodding grip. You want to be on your knees begging for forgiveness, but I think that you think you were justified in behaving like a spoilt little toddler. If you think it's justified to treat someone like that for speaking to other people then you're a sad pathetic little child, and if I were this girl I'd be drop-kicking you straight into touch.





    im not the type of person to hold my girlfriend back from doing as she pleases, the reason i was angry at her seeing this guy in the pub was she did it behind my back and then i found messages on her phone from the same guy telling her that he loved her and that her voice " does something" for him, forgive me for having emotions here but wouldnt you get a bit paraniod if that was your gf? YES you fucking would!!!


    and as for the blackmail we were broke up at the time and all i said to her was " if i come back will you see me on monday so that we can talk" and she said yes, that is NOT EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. read the whole thread and dont make assumtions and make me look like a fucking idiot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dude you blackmailed your girlfriend? right on! ;)

    I used to have your relationship. I wanted to be with her so bad, but i kept messing things up with stupid pointless lies and crap. Heres what i did. I wrote down this plan. It included me thinking about doing things before i did them and not lying and stuff like that. then i came clean with everything else. and gave it to her. I left it with "it's up to you whether or not you'd like this relationship to continue, I really want this to work and i'm going to fix everything on my end to make it work." or something like that.

    good luck my man
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not the type of person to hold my girlfriend back from doing as she pleases, the reason i was angry at her seeing this guy in the pub was she did it behind my back

    She dared to do something and not phone in reports to you first?

    Aww diddums.

    No, you're not going to hold her back, so long as she only does what you want her to. First time she acts independently, you fly off the handle.
    then i found messages on her phone from the same guy telling her that he loved her and that her voice " does something" for him, forgive me for having emotions here but wouldnt you get a bit paraniod if that was your gf? YES you fucking would!!!

    No, actually, I wouldn't. I trust my lass, and always did.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have no leg to stand on complaining about what she may or may not have done behind your back when you lied to her like that.

    IMO your relationship, if there still is one at all, does not sound like it's worth saving. If you insist on trying though, you need to tell her all of it, and change your attitude.
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