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More of a sexuality type question.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Recently I've realised I'm not that much of a man. I mean like, I'm not camp or anything, I just seem to get on well with friends who are girls. I have plenty of male friends too but I think I am too feminine. I'm physically strongish, and I like adventure, I go out to pubs, I drink beer etc. Which are stereotypical man type things to do. But when it comes to friends I seem to hang out with girls alot. This would be great, but they only see me as a friend and nothing else. Due to the fact I get too friendly with them.
I have pretty low self esteem atm and I generally look for other people to lead the way or dominate. In fact, even as far as sex goes, I prefer the woman to be in control. I don't know why. I would love to be but I get a bit worried that they will think im too bossy or up my own backside. I always consider what other people want before myself. Consequently not much goes my way. Does anyone have any tips to help me get my sexuality back? I know girls generally like to have a man who is in control, on the ball but not too over protective. Thats what I want to be. At least, thats what the girl is like who I am trying to move up to a relationship from friends.
Yeah, so any ideas?
Cheers,
Lawton.
I have pretty low self esteem atm and I generally look for other people to lead the way or dominate. In fact, even as far as sex goes, I prefer the woman to be in control. I don't know why. I would love to be but I get a bit worried that they will think im too bossy or up my own backside. I always consider what other people want before myself. Consequently not much goes my way. Does anyone have any tips to help me get my sexuality back? I know girls generally like to have a man who is in control, on the ball but not too over protective. Thats what I want to be. At least, thats what the girl is like who I am trying to move up to a relationship from friends.
Yeah, so any ideas?
Cheers,
Lawton.
0
Comments
Nowt else to add really. Don't pretend to be someone you're not, but don't be someone you're not through fear either.
You sound insecure. That's where the problem is.
As for being a stereotypical man, do you really want to be like that? You know, all shouting and stepping on peoples feelings?
I doubt you've lost your sexuality, you seem pretty normal to me. I personally get very turned on by the thought of being dominated by a sexy woman.
Have you considered asking one of the other girls (that you really trust) to ask the one you fancy, whether she feels the same?
Its really hard to convince someone that they have a good thing going if they aren't happy. I think you have a lot going for you, but you need to focus less on your perceived faults, and more on your amazing ability to get on with the ladies
Completely off-topic, but your AV is the fucking shit.
I just end up talking shit, unattractive shit too when I'm around girl friends. Like I end up talking about how constipated I was this morning or how smelly I am. It's odd but it gives laughs. I think its like getting laughs because I'm insecure.
I did ask (back in feb) the girl I liked. The dialogue went something like this:
"Hey, um, er, uh, recently I, um, realised I really quite, um, like you, is that ok?"
Short pause.
"I really like you too but you are like one of my best friends. I don't want to ruin it."
"Yeah good idea." - I didn't mean that bit but I didn't want to drag on.
Ahh tis fucked up. Thanks for all the help so far
The only downside is it does make transitioning from friendship to relationship tricky. I've fancied a few of them before, but if I told them, I don't think they'd be too keen. Essentially, if they want something to happen, they'll make that pretty clear. You say that you "always consider what other people want before myself". Since when is that a bad thing? Frankly, I wish there were more people like that. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sexuality, no matter what any ignorant morons might think.
As for seeing what women think about a relationship, what I tried to do months and months ago was raise a hypothetical situation with a woman I worked with. Let me explain that... during a break, I was reading a newspaper. By some amazing coincidence, an article was in there about relationships being formed in the workplace. She came in, and I asked her about it. She sounded sceptical about the idea, but knowing her, she would have definitely gone away thinking "why did Danny ask me specifically about that? What was he implying?"... I suspect she got the hint I was making, and I didn't have to put her on the spot about it. Result!
There is no "cure", in the conventional sense of the word. The truth is, I am beginning to suspect, that most "confident" people are faking it. In other words, giving the impression of confidence when they're shitting bricks like everyone else.
(2) I simply don't know the answer to that one.
I had a friend who was insecure, and he would not admit it. He always took loads of time over what he looked like and copied how people he thought were cool looked. He would pretend he did drugs to be *cool*, he would lie to be cool. That, in my eyes is insecure, but when I confronted him about it (he was being a dick to be popular) he would not admit it and got angry. The advice I gave him was to be himself, fuck what other people did. Unfortunatly he thought he was doing that already (he emulated fat mike, who he believed to be the biggest anarchist-punk in the world). I don't think everyone knows it. As far as a cure... nothing I can think of. Unless, im having a short lived brainwave here, something happens like if you are insecure because you want to be popular the most popular, best looking girl / boy asks you out and really likes you. That maybe would make you think I really am popular, I don't need to be something I'm not.
Sorry for mumbling.
Like i said, be who you are, enjoy it!
Mabye, just mabye you could up the mark with the girls, start flirting chucking in the sourcey line here and there, its worked for me
Good Luck! :thumb:
Well, ofc you can buckle up and show a bit more that who wears the breeches. Many girls don't like a b/f who orders them around, but at times they need someone to lean (not physical way) on and rely on. Never act like something what you ain't, tho. It appears pretentious and comes out wrong mostly.
Actually: I am very friendly with girls too. I am usually not the girls type either, so I don't know if you want to listen to my advice, but I usually want to know my g/fs before rather well. Saves inconveniences when they are a nut. It works out RARELY, but I make friends with girls first. Because of my demeanor and my interest to this person I listen to all they got to say and even enjoy what they are saying, so it's a win-win situation here. I try to build up a real good and deep friendship and bring it to the next level then.
You might roll-eyes now and tell me I am crazy. Maybe... It worked far less than the typical "let's just be friends"-cases. But if it works it's a dream. The whole basis is there. The expunging and talking about problems, the being open with each other, the trust, etc.
Never give up to early. I have been regarded as a "just friend" and really nothing more twice from two different girls/women, and after times I got them to think about it (of course by dropping clues...) and really got interest as more than a friend.
It's the longer and more struggled way for sure, but this is the kind of relationships I prefer.
But don't get me started on the ladder-theory, or this post never ends.
I wish you all the best.
first of all, get more assertive. Just take your time and figure out how you gonna say it, and then without "erms..." and "umms...". Second: If you read my post above: I never managed to attract a lady right this minute I told her I would like more than friendship. But I got them to think and consider, which they sometimes don't do for themselves
Cut that out, seriously. Nothing wrong with being open, I talk about "tummy aches" too, but I wouldn't be so much interested if a girl told me about her yesterday Taco and Salsa Sauce diarrhea.
Just buckle up and speak your mind to girls in an assertive way and don't lose hopes too quick. If the girl isn't a ho, you are not going to lose friendship if it really should not work out.
I'm kind of in the same boat. I got bullied really badly a few years ago. I used to take panic attacks on the bus going to school and stuff and it was just really a horrible place to be for me until a couple of years ago. I'm still pretty insecure, I ask my mates if they like a certain thing before I buy it (sometimes regardless of whether I like it myself) just incase some wide-o says something.
I realised though that these arseholes are a minority and that people who are insecure can make themselves feel better. I do, from time to time, lapse into the "Oh dear Jesus what if they think this or that?" and "Was that just a joke or were they serious?" etc but you soon realise that it's just in your head.
A bit off topic, I know.