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Leagues?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
What do people here think about the thought of someone being 'out of their league'? Do leagues really exist when it comes to relationships/hooking up?

Personally, I don't have a clue.

Ilora x
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leagues don't exist. They really don't.

    However, people look for themselves when wanting a partner. They want someone of similar intelligence, similar working background, similar bank balance. They want someone who looks like themselves. They want someone who acts like themselves. But not too similar- that's boring, and bad for the offspring.

    You're not out of anyone's league, but lets be honest, if you're poor its unlikely you'll be what a rich person is after.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the idea of being out of someones league is a pre-conception and usually wrong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also disagree that their are " leagues " but i do agree with Kermit that we look for parts of ourselves in a partner, whether consciously or subconsciously.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does anyone find a correlation between the populars' thoughts about leagues and the not-so popular ones?

    Some people are rejected more than others. What does this suggest? If there were no leagues, would the ugliest, obese nerd go out with the blonde supermodel? I really don't think so...

    However, the above probably doesn't happen in reality as such. There comes a point when some people are so insecure that they imagine leagues, when they actually do have a chance. For example, I am a very insecure person, and have loads of troubles with females, but does this really put me in another league? If so, is it my insecurity's fault that I am in that league or my looks? According to me... (yes, I know :p), there's nothing wrong with the way I look. I would prefer not to post a picture of myself though.

    :chin: It's a tough topic... and I am still dubious.

    Anyone care to correct what I've said?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    Some people are rejected more than others. What does this suggest? If there were no leagues, would the ugliest, obese nerd go out with the blonde supermodel? I really don't think so...

    If he was a nerd with no money and no social skills, then probably not.

    The main reason why he wouldn't date the supermodel is because he'd never be in a position to meet the supermodel socially. And if he was, he wouldn't be in the same social or financial bracket. That's what I mean in my previous post.

    But define "ugly". Rik Waller is ugly in many people's eyes, but he was slipping one to Anna Friel for quite some time.

    Most people think looks are the be-all and end-all of dating, and they're not. That's why they don't have the same success.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    But define "ugly". Rik Waller is ugly in many people's eyes, but he was slipping one to Anna Friel for quite some time.

    Well, some say that looks are subjective, but are they really? I say yes, to a certain extent. There are people who are really ugly, and people who are less ugly, if you see what I mean. :p

    I prefer to refrain from submitting any pictures. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    Well, some say that looks are subjective, but are they really? I say yes, to a certain extent. There are people who are really ugly, and people who are less ugly, if you see what I mean.

    Looks are subjective.

    Who I think is an absolute munter is the sexiest girl in the room to you, and vice versa.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Most people think looks are the be-all and end-all of dating, and they're not. That's why they don't have the same success.

    This I agree with, totally.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think there is a sort of leaugue system. psychological studies show that people go out with those of a similar attractiveness.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i think there is a sort of leaugue system. psychological studies show that people go out with those of a similar attractiveness.

    Now that was what I was looking for.

    :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course there are leagues! And the reason they are there is because people think they are.

    Person A: (S)he is soooo below me
    Person B: (S)he is soooo above me

    Of course not everyone believes it, but a lot of people do. Particularly the ones who are particularly stuck up (the 'upper' leagues) and those who are not very confident in their looks (the 'lower' leagues). It's all bullshit, but as long as people believe it the league thing will exist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I measured things by "leagues", I would almost certainly conclude there isn't anyone for me. But fact is, I don't and never will. I'm more interested in finding someone I've got something in common with than "leagues".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There was a guy I used to like in college, and even one of my friends said "Wouldn't you feel a bit shit going out with a guy whose better looking then you - definitely out of your league" The same guy I got the guts to approach and he became very shy from his usual out going self, which I had found intimidating, hence I seemed shy, hence thinking "such a confident guy wouldn't look twice at me, let alone someone so goodlooking". Soon as he became shy, he became...attainable.

    A guy I currently like is also someone who I sometimes kid myself into thinking he's above me, just because he has more money than me and his interests are in the likes of economics and politics (the subjects he studies at uni) and I feel belittled because my interests are in drama, music, dance and creativity, amongst other things...he feels above me because he speaks with more worldly knowledge then me and I feel less...bright!

    I think people are prone to placing themselves above and below - for whatever reasons - mine show how attractiveness and intellect (whether his is actually superior is debateable) make me think that people are out of my league. To be honest, I don't think anyone is really - when I think it through! In my eyes, the only leagues are ones I define, things that make me feel below someone. I've never thought to myself 'I'm out of his league'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course there are leagues! And the reason they are there is because people think they are.

    Yes, people will only date people they find attractive- socially, physically and intellectually. In other news, bears shit in the woods.

    What all these people who talk of leagues fail to take into account is that my idea of a Premier League standard woman is very different from yours. There is no such thing as objective beauty.

    It's been generally proven that people fancy people who look similar to themselves, which is why quite often bride and groom have similar facial features. People date themselves.

    kathryn, yes, the very same lardy warbler was having hot sex with the very same small pert beauty. Apparently she likes "big men". Alas, I'm married...poor girl, how will she cope?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think leagues exist. Then you leave highschool (is it called highschool there) anyways, so you leave it and they dissapear.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    I think leagues exist. Then you leave highschool (is it called highschool there) anyways, so you leave it and they dissapear.
    I've been trying to work this out. Do you go straight to uni (college) after high school. If so, you're high school is the equivilent to our college. Our high school is 11-16 year olds.

    Anyway on our main question, I think leagues do exist. There is a scientifically proven, physical ideal for both men and women, which applies to every race on earth. The closer someone is to this ideal, the more attractive they are to the opposite sex (I should know, I watched a programme on it:D). So purely on looks, there is such a thing as leagues. And this explains why, despite what anyone says, we can all point out a good-looking person and a not-so-good-looking person. But of course, certain people will have a predisposition to particular aspects of that ideal too,so we have 'types' that we go for. Which is why you can know someone is good-looking, but not find them attractive.

    But that's only half the story. Things such as social status, intelligence and personality are also important. And of course different people will put emphasis on different things. Men will generally consider looks ahead of social status, for example, whereas women will usually be the opposite. Which explains why you get ugly men going out with attractive women, but very few ugly women going out with attractive men. And the ugly men will almost always be of a higher social status than the woman, for one reason or another (i.e. they're rich, famous or both).

    So yeah, there is such a thing as leagues, but it applies to all aspects of a person, not just looks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's never really entered my head when I've liked a bloke whether he's out of my league (above or below). The only time I really remember hearing that kind of chatter is when someone has a messy break up/gets fucked about and everyone coos "you're way out of his/her league, anyway" etc.

    Of course, I see aesthetically mismatched couples all the time and it never occurs to me to think that one is out of the other's league, because there are so many factors on which relationships and attraction are based...and generally when people are talking about leagues it's about the looks. Though as IWS has said, if leagues take into account all aspects of a person/potential match then they most probably do exist in many circumstances.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not sure I'd be attracted to someone with similar facial features to me.

    I don't go for the league thingy, even if I do see attractive people and know that they'd not be interested.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How d'you know they wouldn't be interested then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    depends what you mean by it, of course there are leagues, and not just on a physical level........i wouldn't say they are objective standards, just whatever does it for each of us.......when people say 'she's out of your league', they usually mean she is unattainable, maybe someone who's very attractive or with a higher social status e.g. celebrities.......i don't really care about a similar working background or bank balance, what does it for me are looks and brains, it's rare that i find a girl who i think is on the same level/in my league, that's how i see it.......very true what IWS said about ugly women/attractive men and vice versa though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How d'you know they wouldn't be interested then?

    OK, surmise rather than know.
    But it's just the impression/instinct I get.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To a degree yes there are leagues. If you see a really fit girl you'd say "I'd love to ride her but she's way out of my league"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leagues are for self concience people who want to justify not approaching someone they like or for kids at school who are still too imature to understand relationships fully, both friendships and couple relationships.

    I'm with Briggi on this one. I can't see how someone can be out of your league, whether that is over or under you. Leagues are about placing people in somekind of ranking system based on their looks and popularity. I have never once gone for someone purely based on their looks or because they were popular with other people. I go for someone I like not someone others are telling me I should like in ways of some childish ranking system, what's the point otherwise? The whole point of a relationship is to be with someone YOU are attracted to and like personality wise
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leagues dont exist really, anyone of a level of attractiveness can get anyone else of a different (higher) level you see, because it really comes down to what a person likes and does not like rather in someone else. However that is not to say, that A LOT of people would refuse to even consider someone who was actually perfct for them in every other way, purely because they were not good looking enough. Some people are that shallow, i know i have been a lot of the time.

    Then again there have been in my experience, plenty of girls that were were inside my league, in fact a friend of mine told me i was out of their league, but i liked them anyway. I couldnt get them though at all, personality was completely wrong and they didnt give me time of day. Other girls have been way too good looking for me...but i had no problem with them.

    Relationships, casual sex, etc, its all weird like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    subject13 wrote:
    A LOT of people would refuse to even consider someone who was actually perfct for them in every other way, purely because they were not good looking enough. Some people are that shallow

    Of course you don't go out with someone you don't fancy. A relationship without sexual attraction is just a friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Leagues don't exist. They really don't.

    However, people look for themselves when wanting a partner. They want someone of similar intelligence, similar working background, similar bank balance. They want someone who looks like themselves. They want someone who acts like themselves. But not too similar- that's boring, and bad for the offspring.

    You're not out of anyone's league, but lets be honest, if you're poor its unlikely you'll be what a rich person is after.
    :thumb:

    Yet I still haven't met me a tree-hugger.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No leagues do exist. It's not as clear cut as premiership, division 1,2,3 and conference but there is a such thing as really ugly people and really nice looking people. In that respect, there is a league between them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    of course they exist to some extent.

    you might find somebody better looking than you and think you've got no chance with them therefore you'd say they were out of your league.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kathryn wrote:
    Ok then, what if you think someone is way out of your league, better looking then you, more popular, richer and cleverer...but they want to go out with you?
    How does that work?

    that thing called personality
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kathryn wrote:
    Ok then, what if you think someone is way out of your league, better looking then you, more popular, richer and cleverer...but they want to go out with you?
    How does that work?
    Surely that would get in the way too?
    well it depends how confident you are.

    if you like someone who you think is out of your league and thye like you back then they obviously don't think they're out of your league.
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