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First few dates

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Think this is mainly for the guys. If on the first few dates (after the first one) you find you have a lot in common and you can talk easily, but the other person tells you all her troubles, is it generally a sign that you're gonna end up in the 'friend zone.' I think I've worked this out recently, but just wanted to know what the general consensus is?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It might just be that she's a bit naff at dates.

    Edit: This girl was chatting to one of my guy friends at a club and he asked how she was.

    'Bit crap actually. I just found out I've got chlamidya'

    CLASSIC
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    It might just be that she's a bit naff at dates.

    Edit: This girl was chatting to one of my guy friends at a club and he asked how she was.

    'Bit crap actually. I just found out I've got chlamidya'

    CLASSIC

    :lol:

    smooooooth
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Probably depends on what exactly her troubles are.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote:
    Think this is mainly for the guys. If on the first few dates (after the first one) you find you have a lot in common and you can talk easily, but the other person tells you all her troubles, is it generally a sign that you're gonna end up in the 'friend zone.' I think I've worked this out recently, but just wanted to know what the general consensus is?

    It can be. It also depends on what sort of person she is, I find. Personality is always important. If they seem a naturally reliant sort of person, it doesn't necessarily mean much. If they are the quiet sort, it can actually be a good sign, that they are opening up to you. With dating, everything is contextual.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    It might just be that she's a bit naff at dates.

    Edit: This girl was chatting to one of my guy friends at a club and he asked how she was.

    'Bit crap actually. I just found out I've got chlamidya'

    CLASSIC

    Shit One! :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends on type of person you are? Some people are naturally very trustworthy and make people feel comfortable around them and talking to them.

    Depends on type of person they are? They might need to feel they can share troubles with someone to be close to them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bomberman444 wrote:
    Depends on type of person they are? They might need to feel they can share troubles with someone to be close to them.
    Exactly.

    I could never be intimate with a bloke if I felt I couldn't talk to him about my troubles (among other things).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But surely someone you share all your troubles with is a friend? Especially at the start, should it not be about having fun and talking about positive things that make you feel good around the other person? I can understand if the other person has had a similar problem that it might be nice to be in the company of someone who knows what it's like, but dwelling on it is surely something you do with friends?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I remember on one of my first dates with my boyfriend he asked me how my week was and I replied "not to bad but I've just been give a piece of coursework to do, but apart from that I'm really enjoying living in halls, as I get to see more of my friends who all live in London"

    But I would never someone that I just meet all my troubles, as I only tell people I really trust those, so it was not until we decided that we where in a relationship that i decided to talk about more personal things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote:
    But surely someone you share all your troubles with is a friend? Especially at the start, should it not be about having fun and talking about positive things that make you feel good around the other person? I can understand if the other person has had a similar problem that it might be nice to be in the company of someone who knows what it's like, but dwelling on it is surely something you do with friends?

    Surely someone your seeing should be a friend?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it might just be a sign that they feel comfortable around you. depends what kind of problems i guess!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bomberman444 wrote:
    Surely someone your seeing should be a friend?

    :yes:

    I would see a problem if it was the other way around. If my girlfriend couldn't open up to me then I would see that as a reflection on a poor relationship. Admitadly at the start I wouldn't be too bothered about it, but if she was being open with me and telling me her troubles I would only see this as a good sign.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that a lover (or potential lover) would want to say things to impress you whereas a friend would tell you their problems.

    What problems has she told you? There's a difference between a short statement like "Oh, I've got this bloodly assignment to finish" than a long winded moan after her ex.
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