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Splurge
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I've been like ultraa depressed. I can't get out of bed, not even to go and eat something. I have one meal a day and this is in the evening.
There are many factors which have contributed to this. I'm not blaming other people by the way just trying to point out the variables.
My dad dying, his family being utter cunts and ignoring me at his funeral, trusting a bloke too much so much in fact that he tells me he loves me and then completely ignores me, shouts at me for no legitimate reason whatsoever, breakdown in relationship amongst friends, not feeling like people like me at home, dropping out of college because of dyspraxia.
I honestly think this is the lowest I've ever been. I see no point in waking up in the morning.
My mum has made me a doctors appointment for next Friday because this is the only time she can get off work to come with me. She was on the phone to my Gran and my gran said that I can come to Hull for a 'break'.
When I go to see her I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour so really don't know. But what else is there?
And to top it off. I should be happy. My dad left me about 50k in his pension for my 'future'. So my mind is thinking driving lessons, car, studying. Then its back to: what is the point?
The last arguement that me and Nate had ended up in him ignoring me and then asking me to come round to 'talk'. I arrive on the doorstep and its hugs and kisses and because I'm feeling low I accept them. Anyway, lying back in his bed I ask 'Do you care about me?' No reply. Why did I even fucking ask?
I find it fucking cruel that some twat whose father has just died (Yes he knows this) decides to tell me that he LOVES me and make me feel good about myself only to turn around and dramatically change. No I didn't say I loved him back. Thank ze lord.
My ex has just texted me out of the blue (after 6 days if pure IGNORING). 'Hey so when you coming over so we can talk?' and I reply 'Don't worry. I've asked Ashley (bestmate) to get my stuff from your flat so you don't have to be bothered about me ever again. Rach'. Now, I really don't know what I was expecting but his reply 'Ok..bit weird but thats fine'.
I really dont want reminding that he, among other people (plenty I'm sure) don't give a shit about me.
If you've read all of it thanks for putting up with so much angst.
There are many factors which have contributed to this. I'm not blaming other people by the way just trying to point out the variables.
My dad dying, his family being utter cunts and ignoring me at his funeral, trusting a bloke too much so much in fact that he tells me he loves me and then completely ignores me, shouts at me for no legitimate reason whatsoever, breakdown in relationship amongst friends, not feeling like people like me at home, dropping out of college because of dyspraxia.
I honestly think this is the lowest I've ever been. I see no point in waking up in the morning.
My mum has made me a doctors appointment for next Friday because this is the only time she can get off work to come with me. She was on the phone to my Gran and my gran said that I can come to Hull for a 'break'.
When I go to see her I feel like I have to be on my best behaviour so really don't know. But what else is there?
And to top it off. I should be happy. My dad left me about 50k in his pension for my 'future'. So my mind is thinking driving lessons, car, studying. Then its back to: what is the point?
The last arguement that me and Nate had ended up in him ignoring me and then asking me to come round to 'talk'. I arrive on the doorstep and its hugs and kisses and because I'm feeling low I accept them. Anyway, lying back in his bed I ask 'Do you care about me?' No reply. Why did I even fucking ask?
I find it fucking cruel that some twat whose father has just died (Yes he knows this) decides to tell me that he LOVES me and make me feel good about myself only to turn around and dramatically change. No I didn't say I loved him back. Thank ze lord.
My ex has just texted me out of the blue (after 6 days if pure IGNORING). 'Hey so when you coming over so we can talk?' and I reply 'Don't worry. I've asked Ashley (bestmate) to get my stuff from your flat so you don't have to be bothered about me ever again. Rach'. Now, I really don't know what I was expecting but his reply 'Ok..bit weird but thats fine'.
I really dont want reminding that he, among other people (plenty I'm sure) don't give a shit about me.
If you've read all of it thanks for putting up with so much angst.
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and I'm sure everyone here on thesite will help you through it too
Plenty of people give a shit. Even just on here.
There's always a point. Even if it's just to get through the day. Bit by bit it'll get easier and easier then you can start to enjoy life again.
Hang in there.
i don't think (as harsh as it may sound) that you need people like your ex in your life right now. if you can't turn to your family what about your friends?
have you been to the doctors about how low you're feeling?
I'm supposed to be going to the doctor next week but I'm just scared its a complete breakdown. Thanks though.
how long ago did your dad pass away?
try not to be scared going to the doctors; you're taking a really positive step and it'll no doubt be the start of you starting to feel better.
I had a friend in college whose Dad died. I found it very hard to talk to her. I mean, it was difficult to think of things to say or do around her. In the end though, it became easier. It was just a little awkward at first as I didn't know what to do to make her feel better.
Just because you have inherited money, that doesn't mean you should be happy. Two years back, when my Grandad died who I was very close to (although it wasn't as much as yours) I inherited some money. I felt guilty spending it to be honest. Of course that money isn't going to make you happy hun, you want your Dad back and I'm guessing you would rather have him back than a large sum of money in your bank account right? Thats how I felt when my Grandad died. I would have given that money away if it meant me having my Grandad still around.
I don't know much about your ex but he sounds like a right dickhead. He shouldn't be treating you the way he is doing and you deserve so much better. Better guys ARE out there. I'm learning that now. Walk away from him. He isn't helping you whatsoever.
Go to the doctor. They will be able to help you. I know its a really big scary step but you will feel 10 times better for it afterwards. Hope everything works itself out for you hun xxx
My ex works in the pub/club I always go to. I went there last weekend but found myself looking up at him every 5 minutes. Sad I know. At the moment I just feel really fucked over. Like I want to make him realise what a twat has been and make him feel guilty. But that wont ever happen. At least, not with me retaining some sort of dignity.
drugs i assume would only be a short term measure. they'd help now but when you come off them chances are the feelings would come back.
I find when im a bit down that it helps to imagine an amazing sight, something that would really take your breath away. Standing on a top of a cliff looking out over the water in new zealand (as i imagine it) is a favourite of mine. It just helps me to relax and to visualise somewhere i would rather be than here.
My ambition is to see everything that i want to in my lifetime (a lot of stuff!) and when thinking of this kind of thing i just forget about all of my petty problems - not that im calling yours petty, but in a few months times you will no doubt look back and laugh at yourself for even being bothered by them.
I'm not sure how your dad would have wanted you to spend the money he left you (obviously having never met him) but just a suggestion - 10k would make for an amazing round the world trip that you would have memories of for the rest of your life. not many people are lucky enough to come into such large sums of money in one go so doing something worthwhile with it is a good idea in my opinion. 40k saved is still a hell of a lot!
Last time I was on them they helped but I think it was a placebo effect.
I'm really sorry to know this is happening, I always perceived you as so bubbly in other threads.. But well, what can I say? It's really a rough patch you're going through, so its perfectly understandable that you feel this way. We all do at some time or other in our life, and trust me, you get through it. I know you feel very low at this moment, but it doesn't stay this way forever (really, it doesn't). Just rely on the people who really care about you and that you can count on. The doctor should be able to help a bit, be sure to make the most of your appointment.
And I know this is a cliché, but its true, critical moments in our life do help us to learn and grow. After you come out of this difficult time you'll have learnt some valuable lessons that, even if dearly paid, they'll be useful later in life.
For now, have all my good vibes... and hang in there! You'll get through it, I promise. Count on everyone on theSite for support, like Replicant said. :yes:
There's no real advice I can give because I think everyone deals with this in their own way. To be honest I was crap at dealing with it so the only advice i can give is do what i didn't ... find someone you can talk to about it all - don't bottle it all up. And drink/drugs are not your friend right now. :no:
It does get better. I know everyone always says this but it really does. You'll be ok
good luck x
Thanks very much
drugs aren't the best plan for someone like you. you're not poorly, you're grieving. they can even out the chemistry in your brain, but they can't bring back your dad, and that's what you have to deal with.
for illustration, my aunt died nearly three years ago now, and she had two kids in their twenties. one was put on pills and also self-medicated with anything he could get his hands on, then left the country and has been running away from it ever since. the other stuck around and got on with things, and i won't lie to you, that first year was hellish for her, but she was around us, and around her friends and her mum's friends, and we all dealt with it with her.
three years later, the cousin who stuck around is doing well. she still desperately misses her mum, course she does, i don't think you ever get over it, but she's getting on with her life and she's happy.
the cousin who ran away is in a psychiatric hospital as we speak. his grief quite literally drove him insane.
this roller coaster you are on is all part of the process. but facing it all head on is the best thing you can do. it'll take guts, but it'll pay off in the end. i promise.
if you think theyll help, then by all means give it a try, but some things you just need time for, and unfortunatly the grieving process cant be speeded up and got over and done with quickly