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islamic Hell (humor)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS--The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11
attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and
surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar,
Islam's
Hell.

"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed
cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the
airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the
hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up
the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead,
I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is
this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"

The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked,
asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down
his face.

According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have
struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering,
infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.

"There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our
gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of
the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed lips," said
Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscripting new
arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten. "Indeed, I do not know what
they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be
skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that
their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues
forth from the haunches of Asmoday."

"Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended
their
lives and those of so many others," added Iblis, absentmindedly
twisting
the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably obscene
shapes.

"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion,
and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said
Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi.
"But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of
Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome
engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible
mistake."

Exacerbating the terrorists' tortures, which include being hollowed out
and used as prophylactics by thorn-cocked Gulbuth The Rampant, is the
fact that they will be forced to endure such suffering in sight of the
Paradise they were expecting.

"It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these
murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in
Paradise,
if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas, Duke of Those
Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a
wire screen by the callused palms of Halcorym and then having your
entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed
swine of Gehenna. But to endure that while watching the righteous drink
from a river of wine? That can't be fun."

Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent
punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them,"
said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now,
everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed
hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of
this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones
like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after
that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a
demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all
day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

Diesel

88888888

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear - sick again and stupid
    Must be a sad sad bastard
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehe nice one Diesel.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Diesel

    If you're going to quote people/publications, can you remember to state who wrote it or where it's from? It's for copyright reasons (check the agreement in the registration process).

    The Onion was good this week, wasn't it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    humour?

    an enjoyable turn of phrase describing the torments, marred by the spiteful naming.

    The news report device was poorly played wand weak, and there was no perception shift or evasive solution to trigger laughter.

    All that remains is the pleasure that could be taken in the disappointment and misfortune of ones enemies, but this was so "unreal" that it didn't even do that.

    the terrorists are held in a room, filled to their waists with fire ants and will only be let out when they have flown Microsoft Flight Sim from Alaska to NY. Problem is, it keeps crashing when it gets to the world trade centre.

    not very funny I know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It came to me fifth hand...I actually have no idea what the origins are or were...just something on the internet worth a chuckle or two.

    Karla, I do try to cite sources...copyright on such as this doesn't count for much over here...doubt that anyone takes it very seriously.

    BTW, I have never read the onion...whatever it is.

    Diesel

    88888888
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .

    [This message has been edited by byny (edited 27-09-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is not humour - it's sick racism.

    Oh boy...You might wanna learn what racism is.

    How is describing the Islamic vision of hell and placing the terrorists in that hell? Many Muslims believe the terrorists broke the prime laws of Islam.

    Theres also nothing in that article that says anything whatsoever about race..You cannot be racist toward a religion.

    Just goes to show how much of a buzzword racism has become..Anyone with any grievance brands you a racist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not racist, as balddog said, but not funny either. why did somebody spend their time bothering to write that? would've been slightly more purposeful had their actually been a punchline.

    but hey, i guess i just dont share that kinda sense of humour (quite glad really).

    Nolite te bastardes carborundorum
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by dazed_dan:
    not racist, as balddog said, but not funny either. why did somebody spend their time bothering to write that? would've been slightly more purposeful had their actually been a punchline.

    but hey, i guess i just dont share that kinda sense of humour (quite glad really).


    It's called satire. or, taking the piss. Something that is in a dissapointing decline in this ever increasing PC world. We, as English are supposed to be good at taking the piss, but then political correctness does have strange results.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    We, as English are supposed to be good at taking the piss, but then political correctness does have strange results.

    Good point..at least we have something to be proud of...

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "...taking the piss..." Now that was funny...never heard the term before...kuel!

    Diesel

    88888888
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