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Why Can't I Be Noticed?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So...as every topic starts...there's this guy. He's been so awesome to me. We've got a lot in common and we talk a lot about stuff that he says he's doesn't talk to many people about. I'd be more than happy to let this continue as a friendship...if it weren't for the fact that I can't help being attracted to him!
What's worse is...I know he likes someone else. And I know she likes him. It's like... I'm just waiting for them together... watching. It's so frustrating!
And then my friends say it's obvious that he likes me: both girls and guys have said this.

What is going on? I'm the kinda person who will run away with an emotion and an idea and I don't wanna get suddenly crushed. I mean, it's already annoying me and upsetting me that there's this other girl on the scene.

Grr!
xox

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tell him you like him?

    but then you also have to think if he doesn't feel the same way that you could ruin your friendship.

    has he given any signs that he might like you??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did you like him [as more than a friend] before it was revealed that he liked someone else like that and that she liked him in return?

    I'm not implying that you're being fickle, as often that's the point at which we notice we like someone in more than a friendly way (danger of them soon being taken), but consider the possibility that you're rushing into like because someone else seems to be moving in.

    Anyway, yeah, tell him how you feel. The worst that's likely to happen is some embarassment, and if people are telling you that the signals between you two are clear then even that's unlikely! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    And then my friends say it's obvious that he likes me: both girls and guys have said this.

    And how do you know whether they're telling you the truth or not? (I'm only asking this because of something similar which happened to me today)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I'm pretty much sceptical about my friends reading signs. They can't always be right.

    But I liked him before I knew they had a thing going on, so I was pretty gutted as you can maybe imagine! That's why it's just annoying...

    He's complimented me... and shown that little bit more closeness... Ya know, the way you don't get with best male friends? I have a lot of guy friends who I'm close with, and it's not quite the same. But maybe I'm just seeing things?

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can relate to this so much so first off- big big hugs. Its a pretty shitty situation granted but exciting all the same...

    My advice is be cool, I think if you have the inkling (sp?) that he likes you that way then you're probably right. So he likes another girl? I mean I often like more than one person at a time so theres no reason why he can't, liking someone and doing something about it are two different things. I'd say mention the fact that you like him, flirt and have fun. The worst he can do is say he doesn't like you back in that way...then just have a laugh about it and tell him its his loss.

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree that you can definately like more than one person at a time. and maybe this is just me but i often talk about other men i "like" to the guy i really do fancy just to see their reaction and dare i say it make them jealous. its the old "treat em mean keep em keen" technique. although saying that, how much does he say he likes this other girl coz i would never go so far as to say i really fancied anyone else, incase it put someone off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He has never spoken to me about her, ever. But I've read his MySpaceness and he writes about her and stuff. (yeah, I know, it's only MySpace).

    Any time I've spoken about my ex he's been really keen to make me feel better and stuff (he's been giviing me a bit of hassel recently). He's genuinely seemed quite protective. But that's maybe just a big brother kinda thing.

    I really don't want to say anything to him about liking him. I'm far too shy and, at least for me, it would destroy everything if I told him. Maybe I should just wait and see what happens with him and this girl..?

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe it's reading too much into it but the fact he hasn't mentioned the fact he likes her to you might be cause he doesn't want to put you off. i read myspace aswell and always read far too much into things (its a girl thing). this isn't really helping actually so i'll finish by saying watch out incase he just enjoys the attention from you rather than it being reciprecol sp? feelings, there's no harm in that but its a horrible feeling liking someone more than they like you. (sorry that was a bit poo advice wasn't it)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    He has never spoken to me about her, ever. But I've read his MySpaceness and he writes about her and stuff. (yeah, I know, it's only MySpace).

    Any time I've spoken about my ex he's been really keen to make me feel better and stuff (he's been giviing me a bit of hassel recently). He's genuinely seemed quite protective. But that's maybe just a big brother kinda thing.

    I really don't want to say anything to him about liking him. I'm far too shy and, at least for me, it would destroy everything if I told him. Maybe I should just wait and see what happens with him and this girl..?

    x

    I don't know anyone who would act protectively of a girl without viewing her as potentially more than a friend. So, I would definitely say the chances are he likes you in that way, but probably not to the same extent as the other girl you mention, otherwise, having been friends, something would likely to have happened. Not unless he doesn't reckon he has a chance with you?

    Going on what you've posted, i'd leave the two of them to get it on with an eye on what may happen in the future. If they are together, then you can try to assess where you figure in his world by noting to what extent he chooses time with her, or with you. If he sets aside considerable time for you, then the indication you're wanting would certainly look to be there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's hard to tell. Is he a confident boy, or is he shy?

    If he's shy it wouldn't surprise me at all if he was too scared to make a move, so you'd both be sat there like two plums waiting for the other to make a move. If you've been mates for ages there's a chance he's just as scared about tossing it all away as you are.

    What does he say about this other girl? Does he flirt online, or are you just looking for ways to duck out of something you're scared of doing?

    As always, if you don't ask you don't get. Start by asking him about this other girl, see what he really thinks of her. If he's into her you'll get a straight answer; if he's not into her as much as you, he'll probably fudge around the subject.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with Kermit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    I don't know anyone who would act protectively of a girl without viewing her as potentially more than a friend.

    Thats not right ive got quite a few mates that are women that i wold never go out with but it doesnt mean i would look out for them any les. Its just a bloke thing we look after our mates all of em.

    Onto the topic now u sound like me a lil shy look fuck it just go for it if you dont you will regret it. I asked one of my mates out she kinda stayed clear of me for a week so i just said lets just be mates, and we are just as close as we ever benn if not closer and im telling you it will make blokes feel less awkward then it will with a women.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say flirt with him and see if he responds if you're too afraid to tell him about your feelings. But definitely do something, don't just sit there and watch how him and this girl get together, if you step aside its like handing him to her without even trying. And I can totally understand how frustrating it can be to watch this process! So don't give him up before you try, if you like him, go for it!

    Just as an example, my mother has a sister which was very very beautiful, and when they were young, a guy friend of theirs kept coming round to the house. My mother really liked him, but as most guys would fall for her sister cause she was so beautiful, she assumed it was her he was after, so she never said anything and always just left them alone together. Thing is, years later my mum and this guy ran into each other and he said to her "it was you who I liked and went to see, but since you would always leave me alone with your sister, I got to know her, and I ended up liking her instead!".

    You don't want something like that happening with the other girl, do you? So do something, drop a hint at least so he'll know there's a possibility with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow! So much advice! And it all seems so sound!

    I'll try a bit of everything and see how it goes. He's hinted at spending some time together, whether just as friends or not I don't know, and I don't mind.

    I think if I keep a watchful eye on the situation, and maybe talk to him about it, while at the same time showing some kind of interest... it might work out. We'll see how it goes.

    Thanks everyone!
    xox
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So... I just asked out of curiosity; how's the health, how's the wealth, how's the love life?
    And he just replied that they were all bad. So if there was something going on between him and this girl, he wouldn't say that, right?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He mentioned something about his girlfriend today. Which was weird, because I never knew he had one since he's never mentioned her before.

    Meh... I'm not going to pretend that I'm not absolutely gutted...
    Sucks

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, so actually, she's his ex now. I went out with him last night to this bar, and one moment I turned round to talk him and he's making out with her.

    I haven't been so gutted in so long. All the signs were there... And yet...he goes and does this. I'm so fucking humiliated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awww no, ok so it's time to move on.......much much easier said than done (and I should be taking my own advice here)

    IMO you need to start to get it into your head that you deserve better than this. Its gonna be really hard but its true that there's plenty more fish in the sea.

    Good Luck with everything and let us know how it goes....

    Now I shall be taking my own advice and NOT calling the guy I really really really want to call....

    xxx :heart:
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