Will I ever trust again?

Former Member · March 2006

Woah, paragraphs are your friend my lovely.

Former Member · March 2006

I think i should be awarded a medal for reading all that

Of course you will find it hard to trust again, nobody can possibly expect you to just give somebody 100% trust straight away.
Does you current partner know about your history? if not i would suggest you tell him and although it will be hard, try opening up a little and tell him of your fears and worries but assure him that its down to the way youre past partner treated you.
I would imagine you feel a little betrayed by your friends for not telling you what they knew - ive been in this situation myself a few years back though where i knew a mates gf had cheated on him, i kept quiet but then that was only because the person she had cheated with was another of my mates so i suppose its not exactly the same, it was still hard knowing weather to tell him the truth or not, i mean the news would have crushed him (and did when he finally found out) and i didnt really want to be caught in the middle of it all. Looking back i wish i had said something though, maybe your friends feel the same, i mean they told you in the end didnt they!
If your new bloke is all you've said he is then im sure he will understand why you are the way you are and will be forgiving and supportive of you!
You will grow stronger again over time! Although the pain you have suffered was a while ago now (if i read your post right) it will still be quite raw because that man had taken up a big chunk of your life.
You sound like things are going a lot better for you now so congratulations and welcome to thesite! :thumb: :wave:

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

Of course you will find it hard to trust again, nobody can possibly expect you to just give somebody 100% trust straight away.

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but ... why not? The new chap hasn't done anything wrong why shouldn't she trust him? Everyone earns and loses their own trust and if you let one persons betrayal effect your relationships with other boyfriends/friends/whatever then ultimately your only hurting yourself.

Former Member · March 2006

i didn't bother reading any of that... but you will trust again only if you let yourself.

Former Member · March 2006

Jon_UK wrote:

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but ... why not? The new chap hasn't done anything wrong why shouldn't she trust him? Everyone earns and loses their own trust and if you let one persons betrayal effect your relationships with other boyfriends/friends/whatever then ultimately your only hurting yourself.

Thats true, however to be betrayed in the way she has by her ex-partner is a big issue. Sure i think she should trust this new guy because he sounds like a decent bloke, but im also pretty sure she wont find it that easy to do because in the back of her mind (for the moment at least) shes going to be thinking baout what happened in the past and wondereing if its going to happen again

Former Member · March 2006

Thanx : ) Yeah he knows everything from the start, and he has always been so patient and understanding. And yeah he did take up too much of my life and I know thats why its taking so long to get over it, I split from him over 1 and a half year ago. I felt betrayed by my friends for keeping from me, but I realised that some of them just got caught up in something they didn't want to, like you said, but I expected more from my best mate at the time and we are no longer friends because I cant trust her ever again, as I discovered she covered up and lied quite alot for him to my face.

Anyway thanks for taking the time out to read this, looking back on it now, it is abit on the long side!!

Former Member · March 2006

Dont worry about the length of it, the important thing is that you have gotten it off your chest! No doubt these issues have been eating away at you from the inside and in my opinion it really does help to write everything down.

Former Member · March 2006

If you wantmore advice could you please edit it so that it is in paragraphs?

I know its easy to get carried away in the stream of consciousness, but I can't read that at all.

You will get your trust back, but not yet. Time is a great healer.

Former Member · March 2006

Just read your original post. I think it's natural not to be as trusting after this experience. It might be worth explaining it all to your new boyfriend so that he can help you to trust him more and so he can be understanding if you seem paranoid. I find it hard to trust people in general but my boyfriend knows this and is very transparent with me.

Former Member · March 2006

Can't believe I just read it all and then a couple of seconds later the paragraphed- easy-to-read version appeared

It wasn't that bad to read actually, it just looked daunting. But the sentences were good and there was none of that annoying text talk stuff so it was okay.

Former Member · March 2006

I didn't read it right. Sorry, my bad.

Time will be a great healer.

You need to talk to your new fella, explain to him what happened before. If he cares about you he will be sympathetic, he will listen, he will help you rebuild your confidence and your trust.

It'll take time, but you'll get there.

Former Member · March 2006

Randomgirl wrote:

Just read your original post. I think it's natural not to be as trusting after this experience. It might be worth explaining it all to your new boyfriend so that he can help you to trust him more and so he can be understanding if you seem paranoid. I find it hard to trust people in general but my boyfriend knows this and is very transparent with me.

Thanx

Yeah he knows at this stage that my trust has been shattered and will probably take alot of time to get over it fully. At the same time I just hope he doesn't get fed up down the line if it does take me much longer to get over it fully. But at this stage Im going to try not let it worry me and just take each day at a time.

Former Member · March 2006

Kermit wrote:

I didn't read it right. Sorry, my bad.

Time will be a great healer.

You need to talk to your new fella, explain to him what happened before. If he cares about you he will be sympathetic, he will listen, he will help you rebuild your confidence and your trust.

It'll take time, but you'll get there.

Thanks for taking to time to read this. Yeah I think that time is a great healer too. I think i just thought that I would get over it quicker. Somebody told me at the time I broke up with him that it would just take about a year to get over it, but she was obviously talking out her ass

Think I just realise at this stage that everybodys experiences are different and there is no set time limit to get over anything.

Former Member · March 2006

I read it ALL! and had no probs in doing it either.

Well, you of course have been hurt a great deal by this... excuse of a human shall we say? I feel sorry for you but also feel sorry for the next female who'll fall for him :mad:

You're bound to find it hard trusting someone else again, after everything this other guy did to you. But I think with time you WILL be able to trust, you just gotta find that right guy who makes you know in yourself that he would never even think of doing something as horrible as that. Maybe this guy you have now is him, maybe not.

Just hope it all works out for you either way!

Will I ever trust again?

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