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Finding your other half attractive??

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
has anybody on here ever experienced themselves becomming less attracted to their other half during the course of their relationship? How have you approach the situation if they altered, either physically or personally, and it turned out that you didnt fancy them as much??
Help needed please, as my head is so confused at the mo, i really need other peoples experiences and advice.
Thanx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't buy ahouse together if you're not sure. Sorry I have nothing more constructive to say... someone emotionally clever will turn up with some good advice I'm sure.


    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanx for the reply, it is good advice. If we do buy, we wont start looking for at least a year, so hopefully by then,time will tell all!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you dont fancy him anymore and you're falling out if i remember the other thread correctly? I'd definately say dont buy a house together and probably say have a sit down and a chat if things get any worse..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wen did i say we were falling out? lol, think my memory may be going, or uve got confuzzled!
    We do need to chat, but i feel so bad. We talked the other night, but i dont think he took any of it in. How do you say to someone "i think im starting to fancy you less" without feeling like a bitch?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you say to someone "i think im starting to fancy you less" without feeling like a bitch?
    I don't think there's any way to do that. He'll get hurt if you say it, period. That's why I would wait I was sure I fancied him less if I were you before telling him that. But to be honest, it strikes me as odd that you would want to say this, what do you plan to achieve by telling him that? Is there anything he can do to stop this from happening? If there isn't it'll leave him hurting a lot, and with no apparent way out of the situation.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the reason im telling him is bcso he wants to know whats wrong with me+we've always been very open with each other. This issue is something which he can change, and although i wouldnt want him to change who he is for me, he has said before this that he wants to alter it for himself - but doesnt have much motivation.
    Was kinda hoping we could work through it together, and with my encouragement he'd feel better+then id feel better
    Selfish i know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had that exact problem with my ex-boyfriend. I thought he was really good looking at first and then I don't know, he just didn't seem special anymore, not as funny, not as interesting, not as good looking. I told him I thought he'd changed and become to serious and intense and he tried his best and for a while it worked, but I still wasn't physically attracted to him.

    In the end I ended it, and it was a huge relief when I did, because it got to the point where I'd never invite him in when he dropped me home and didn't even like kissing him...

    Don't think that'll help, but at least you know you ain't the only one!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when that happened to me in the past its meant it was over.

    generally Ive found someone more attractive the more ive loved them
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers F+S; it hasnt got to that stage yet. I love his personality and he's so funny+special to me, its just something about him that we both want to change. i dunno what to do though,my heads all mussed :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well sometimes a little bit of time apart might help? And sometimes you gotta just power through the bad stages and it all seems stronger after!

    Sorry I'm not much help:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you are helping, just knowing that im not alone!
    we've been spending less time together recently bcos im very busy ATM with uni, and im going abroad for 3 weeks soon, so that should help me decide!
    he's just so amazing in most respects, i cant help but think that id be 'throwing away' (so to speak) an amazing boyfriend if i ended things with him. Noones perfect!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when that happened to me in the past its meant it was over.

    generally Ive found someone more attractive the more ive loved them
    :yes:

    I fancy my boyfriend so much! It sounds sad but I still get the same flutters when I see him as I did this time three years ago. Sometimes I just stare and stare at him, contemplation how fit he is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Randomgirl wrote:
    :yes:

    I fancy my boyfriend so much! It sounds sad but I still get the same flutters when I see him as I did this time three years ago. Sometimes I just stare and stare at him, contemplation how fit he is.

    Oh good - I'm not the only one who does that! :flirt:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Before you rush into anything head first, work out why you might not find him as attractive.

    relationships go through bad spells, and sometimes you do question yourself and your choices. It's only natural.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he's just so amazing in most respects, i cant help but think that id be 'throwing away' (so to speak) an amazing boyfriend if i ended things with him. Noones perfect!
    I had a one year relationship with a guy for the same reasons... and I didn't fancy him. I thought I didn't need to becuase he was so great in so many other ways, and he was "all I ever wished for". I even believed myself to be in love. But now I look back on it, I realise it was a totally rational relationship. And for all the wonderful I found him, I didn't ever even come close to loving him. After that I realised that I could never love someone I didn't fancy.

    I'm not saying this is your case but it does sound familiar (also some friends have been through similar stuff), and when you start justifying your lack of fancy with things like "he's so amazing in other respects", "nobody's perfect", and just general fear to losing such great quality guy (which no doubt he is) - in my book its time to end it. I know exactly what you mean with the "throwing away" bit, but you don't have a relationship only with your head, you have it with your whole body. You just have to be true to yourself and accept what you feel and don't feel.

    Well, I'm sure your time abroad will help you clear your head :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think its natural in a relationship to have times when you wonder if theres someone better out there, but like you say, noones perfect! Its when the bad times start to outweigh the good that you should maybe consider ending it in my opinion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm on and off.. usually I'm totally smitten, but this week I've been a bit 'eughh'. I think I've seen too much of him, is all. The more he annoys me, the quicker I am to look for faults. I know I'm not going off him, though, as the thought of him with someone else sets my teeth-a-grinding.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    generally Ive found someone more attractive the more ive loved them

    Indeed.

    Even if they started getting love handles, grey hair (hopefully it's a way off, but..) I imagine that being in love with them would make those things irrelevant. Maybe that's a bit idealistic, but it's what I like to think I'll find in my future relationships.

    I found my ex irresistible throughout our three year relationship, so I can't say if it would've affected things if I'd stopped feeling that way. Unfortunately his gorgeousness didn't stop him turning out to be a complete dickhead, so I have to blather about how much more important personality, character, communication, friendship...(all those things) are than physical attraction. It's a part of the relationship, but by no means everything.

    Hope you sort out how you're feeling, hon. :)
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