Meeting the right person

Former Member · March 2006

Hello All,

Your help would be very much appreciated.

I have a situation at the moment where I seem to be finding it difficult to meet somebody. I'm a guy and i'm 18 and havent been with anyone for longer than i can remember.
At the moment, and its probably my own made up excuse, i'm at college on a course with a bunch of guys as I study computers. Im not the type of person to walk up and start chattin to sum1 in the canteen as i'm not shy, but just dont have enough confidence.
Theres this girl at work that I've thought about askin to go out but just never get round to it because its hard for us to speak to each other for longer than like, a minute. Then i'm not confident to ask for her number because she might just full on reject me, huh.
I know it's probably hard but it would help for some advice because I don't know what to do, i'm sick of being out of a relationship. I tried to be with someone at the last place I worked and after months of leading me on she went out with another guy I worked with who everyone considered to be an arse, I also found out from him, i was well shocked and it just kinda stumped me and I gave in tryna meet sum1. :grump:

Please give your advice.

Steve

Former Member · March 2006

just ask her out so what if she rejects u at least u will know and u can put yourself out of your misery of not knowing

Former Member · March 2006

But it would suck if he asked her out, got turned down and then had to still work with her wouldnt it.Not that i'm saying she would react like that, just a possiblity

Former Member · March 2006

icey wrote:

But it would suck if he asked her out, got turned down and then had to still work with her wouldnt it.
Not that i'm saying she would react like that, just a possiblity

Nah, that seems possible. Personally, I think "asking her out" in the conventional sense of the term, is a bad idea. If she's put on the spot like that, it could make things awkward. I just suggest trying to see her outside of work initially.

Former Member · March 2006

its very rare that people get asked out to be a gf or bf anymore

its more asked out for a drink

Nellie · March 2006

It sounds like your previous girlfriend hurt you quite badly and this is possibly why you don't have the confidence to go up to girls now and ask them out. Perhaps you could try practicing what you would say to a girl if you were to ask her out. You could maybe do this in front of a mirror or with someone you would feel comfortable enough with. If you can go over the possible reactions either in your head or with this other person then you can prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection. Perhaps you should keep in mind that pretty much everyone gets rejected at some time in their lives though. Although this hurts and can seem quite embarrassing, the more you practice and the more often you talk to girls, the easier it becomes. Is there a society you could join at your college where you can meet girls? Having something in common to talk about can often be a way of breaking the ice. Alternatively, the other guys on your course may have female friends that you could maybe meet and spend time with. Having a mutual friend is also another good way of breaking the ice. Good luck. Don't expect it to necessarily work first time (although if it did that would be great) but the more you build up your confidence with girls the more likely it is you will find your perfect match.

Former Member · March 2006

Sorry, but i dont agree with most of what was said in that last post.

then you can prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection. Perhaps you should keep in mind that pretty much everyone gets rejected at some time in their lives though

:chin: Good thinking there, set yourself up for rejection, very good. :yeees:

If you go up and ask somebody out expecting to get rejected, chances are you will do. people can smell confidence a mile off and its definately a good thing to have. i dont mean the type of 'walk up to anyone, say anything, do anything' type of confidence, but just having a bit of faith in yourself can do wonders for the way you come accross to other people.
I've told you before what i think Steve -the same as Mr.G, ask her out for a drink sometime. Worst she can do is say no, but then you could always play that off and make out you meant a drink with a big group of people - things wouldnt be awkward and you might end up going for a drink with her. score! :thumb:

Former Member · March 2006

i have no trouble going up to anyone and talking about anything mostly, still talking to attractive women is ok, unless im sorta interested in chatting them up, i might still have a cool persona, but im shitting bricks in reality

Former Member · March 2006

I'm pretty rubbish at this too. At the end of the day, I had to pretty much stalk the guy. We're not together or anything, but it's an awesome friendship we have. So go for it! Cause it is worth it!

Also, it might help to notice that she's not the only girl in the world, too. Go out to places with some friends where you might not normally go. Going out to a pub/club is a great way of meeting people who are generally very sociable. So that should help lots. There will probably be people there who are willing to talk to you if you don't quite have the confidence to talk to them

Former Member · March 2006

This girl...try to approach her as a friend first. Coming out of nowhere and asking her out may come across as...stalkerish. I'm sure you can come up with something to get even a small conversation going. From there on in it becomes alot easier.

Meeting the right person

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