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input appreciated.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
so this is my first thread. and here goes. there is this guy tom who i have liked for like 3 years on and off now. this is a bit long but needs explaining, when we first met (and i know it sounds corny) there was a "spark" but i was 15 at the time and he was 17/18 so it was never gonna happen. but we flirted outrageously and i made my feelings known and it was obvious he liked me too. and we kissed like once.
so then he went to uni and got a girlfriend and i was ultra nice about it and supported him and even gave him good advice when things wern't going well with her even though it was killling me to do it, hes my best mate and i didnt want to fuck up his happiness.
so he broke up with her after 2 years and hes dropped out of uni so he's back home near me and we have both admitted to each other we still like each other, but he is acting like nothing could ever happen (by the way i am now 17/18 and he is 20/21 so the age thing has dissapeared.
what i'm asking although its taken me ages to get there is,
1. how long should i wait before i bite the bullet and say lets give this a go. ( he broke up with his girlfriend in october)
2. how should i go about it?
The thing is something is holding me back. he tried to kiss me on friday and i pulled away, i dont know whether its coz i know he is still getting over his girlfriend or the fact im moving away to uni in a few months or what please help!!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it takes different people different lenghts of time to get over a breakup. If you've both admitted that you still like each other since he moved back then i'd say go for it. So people might think he's on the rebound but if you've both had feelings for each other all this time, i dont think this is the case.
    I can understand you holding back because he's going to uni again, and the breakup with his ex. Is he going to nearby or far off? but either way if you've both had feeling for this long go for it. Hope it works out oh and welcome
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well its not him going to uni it's me. and yes all the uni's ive applied to are far away. but its a good few months away its just me being ultra cautious i think. thnks for ur input
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi there, nice to have a newbie open up,welcome. i think that if you know this guy as well as you seem to, try and tell how he feels about his ex and try and see how he would feel about starting something knew. I am posting a link about asking people out that i think might help!good luck! :wave:

    http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/singles/dealingwithdates/askingsomeoneout
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks

    thanks you guys. i quite often look at the site forums for advice and stuff but decided to sign up and am glad i did its nice to get stuff of your chest. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah ive been flirty with girls older and now im a bit older, girls younger. However now that "age thing" has gone I'd say your problem is that you've been friends and fancied him for so long that on a subconscious level you're scared of ruining that. Also you've obviously thought about you two being together alot so it might not meet the expectations you've formed in your mind.

    Although i'm not trying to put a downer on it, any sane person would definately for it life is about taking risks. He took a risk kissing you. Don't let it be invain.

    PS: Long distance relationships can work, also i doubt even he will know whether he's over this girl or when he will be over her so don't leave it to long!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that you should just bite the bullet and go for it,

    you dont need to wait an ammount of time if you feel ready to do it now. it wont be easier to say how you feel just because you have left it 3 weeks.

    its obvious that he likes you as he tried to kiss you so i cant see what you have to lose.

    long distance relationships are hard but they do work if you both put in the effort.

    just talk to him, see what he has to say, and if thibngs dont work out aslong as you both respect each others feelings and what you both want i dont see why you cant continue to be friends

    some people say that they dont want to ruin the friendship but i cant think of a better person to be with than someone that you already know that you get on with and you know that they honestly like you for who you are
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    update

    im really confused now, see we kissed on friday, well we kept giving each other little kisses all night. but his mate was there and i could sense he definately wasnt comfortable with his mate seeing us. at the end of the night we pulled very briefly but we both kinda broke it off when we heard his mate coming. he is totally giving out mixed signals as he makes it known to me loads that he likes me (like stroking my hand under the table and little things like that) but then mentions his ex a fair few times a night, in a way that makes me almost certain he's not over her. i realise he cant erase her from his life and they are still mates which i'm cool with but i just wanna make a move that leaves him with no uncertainty of how i feel without getting hurt.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, and welcome to the boards. :wave:
    jimblejamble wrote:
    but i just wanna make a move that leaves him with no uncertainty of how i feel without getting hurt.
    Well, no-one can assure you that, if you let your feelings be known, there is always the chance of getting hurt, its a part of life, theres always some risk involved. But you just gotta take the chances, if not, life slips by you.

    In this case though, you are already pretty certain that he likes you back, so that's something in your favour. What is it that you're afraid of, that it does work or that it doesn't? I think you need to be clear yourself first, either you decide to go for it or you don't.

    If it's his feelings for his ex that worry you, you should let this be known to him, he's probably really confused as to where you stand in this too. Maybe having an open conversation about it will help you both. I know its hard opening up like that because it leaves you very vulnerable to the other person, but since you have been mates for so long I'm sure there's enough confidence and trust to discuss how you feel about each other. To some extent you have already, right?
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