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Guess its over this time...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Well, both me and my (supposed) gf went out (separately) down town tonight with our respective friends.
I got home about 2 and she was probably still out so i phoned her, no answer.
rang her again at about quarter past 2 and she answered - was in the chippy and getting a taxi home soon, i asked if she minded if i rang her later on and she said no its fine.
rang her just now (2.40) and it rang for a while then it was answered and all i heard was someone say 'she dont want to talk to you' but not right into the phone it was like they were stood nearby, then they hung up.
Now her phone is off.
i love her to bits but im fed up of being treated like shit. just wish i knew how to make her realise whats shes doing and tbh, get my own back!
advice?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just tried ringing again, this time phone was on and my (supposed) gf answered. she was just rying to get rid of me and saying they were trying to get to sleep (her and her two mates were sleeping at her house) and she said that nobody said anything like 'she dont want to talk to you' but i blatantly heard it before (even though it was quite quietly said). it didnt really sound like they were trying to get to sleep as i could hear her mates laughing and joking in the background (background was quite quiet but they were like giggly schoolgirls).
    I'm still pissed off and im not going to let this drop. i just dont know whether to finish with her or not because tbh i just want to get over her 'cause i know its going to end sooner or later anyway!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry, but what she can't spend time with her friends without you constantly ringing her?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well she was probably pissed off with u ringing her all the time. But, that aside, it really sounds like you shouldnt be together. You dont seem happy at all+seem convinced its gonna end soon anyways, so maybe you need to discuss things with her?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A Photograph Of Me wrote:
    Sorry, but what she can't spend time with her friends without you constantly ringing her?
    Thats not the case at all, she does it to me all the time when i'm out, just pissed me off that she wouldnt even hardly say hello. wouldnt have taken much, it wa the end of the night, a quick 'hi babe, how are you? yeah i had a good night, did you? good, ok i'll talk to you tommorrow' wouldnt have been that difficult.
    She rang me this morning however and said sorry for last night, it was hard to explain last night exactly how things were 'cause i was a bit drunk and everyone over reacts when theyve had a few.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    think you need to chill out. you're meant to be on a break aren't you??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with lucifer, you need to chill out. if she was with her friends why did you phone her to ask if you could phone her later? its just like you're checking up on her. its a bit immature of her to hang up and stuff though. you say you want to make her realise what she's doing but you phoning her all the time (especially if you're meant to be on a break like lucifer said) is just gonna drive her away. i know it would do that to me. you need to let her have her own life and not keep phoning her when she's out with her friends, let her have a good time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you should break up. you've been together for quite some time and things aren't always gona stay good. if you're in a relationship where half the time you're arguing or thinking about breaking up then it doesn't sound like its much fun. you can still love someone and break up with them. its hard but sometimes its the best option.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i think you should break up. you've been together for quite some time and things aren't always gona stay good. if you're in a relationship where half the time you're arguing or thinking about breaking up then it doesn't sound like its much fun. you can still love someone and break up with them. its hard but sometimes its the best option.


    definately.

    probably hard to hear icey but it's the truth. relationships are meant to make you happy - you're not meant to spend half the time arguing and worrying whether you're going to split up. there are better relationships for you out there.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take the hint. She doesn't want you anymore. That's why she's arguing about nothing constantly, and that's why she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone.

    Walk away with your head held high. You're better than this and you're better than her.

    If she isn't mature enough to tell you straight then boot her into touch. She is a waste of time. Go and find someone who won't take the mickey right out of you like this.

    I'm sorry to say this, but you need to end it. The relationship is dead. Walk away with dignity, stop trying to grovel in the dirt for something that won't come back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Take the hint. She doesn't want you anymore. That's why she's arguing about nothing constantly, and that's why she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone.

    Walk away with your head held high. You're better than this and you're better than her.

    If she isn't mature enough to tell you straight then boot her into touch. She is a waste of time. Go and find someone who won't take the mickey right out of you like this.

    I'm sorry to say this, but you need to end it. The relationship is dead. Walk away with dignity, stop trying to grovel in the dirt for something that won't come back.
    Dont get me wrong i can see your point, but if this is the case then why would she ring me up/text to check on me when im out? or why would she ring me up crying after we'd had an argument and i'd stormed out? i dont think she wants to end it at all. Obviously you all just have what ive posted on here to go from which is fair enough and i can see why you have come to these conclusions but there is a lot of information i'm holding back such as the arguements - they havent been about nothing, there have been reasons behind them, trust being the main problem from both sides.
    As you have probably guessed, im not going to break up with her just because a few people ive never met tell me to. I do still love her and i have been known to over-react to things in the past (such as by making this thread in the first place). I'm going to stay with her and just play things by ear really, if i end up getting my heart broken then its my fault and my problem.
    Yes i am being dismissive to all of your comments but it is a decision i have to make myself.
    Oh and the situation about always phoning her, actually i phoned her once, at the end of the night and she said she couldnt really talk then, so i asked her if she wanted to talk later to which she replied yes, it was when i phoned back that the phone was picked up and put down again
    (and fyi, we're not on a break - which you would know had you bothered to read the whole of the other thread i made)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    Dont get me wrong i can see your point, but if this is the case then why would she ring me up/text to check on me when im out? or why would she ring me up crying after we'd had an argument and i'd stormed out? i dont think she wants to end it at all. Obviously you all just have what ive posted on here to go from which is fair enough and i can see why you have come to these conclusions but there is a lot of information i'm holding back such as the arguements - they havent been about nothing, there have been reasons behind them, trust being the main problem from both sides.
    As you have probably guessed, im not going to break up with her just because a few people ive never met tell me to. I do still love her and i have been known to over-react to things in the past (such as by making this thread in the first place). I'm going to stay with her and just play things by ear really, if i end up getting my heart broken then its my fault and my problem.
    Yes i am being dismissive to all of your comments but it is a decision i have to make myself.
    Oh and the situation about always phoning her, actually i phoned her once, at the end of the night and she said she couldnt really talk then, so i asked her if she wanted to talk later to which she replied yes, it was when i phoned back that the phone was picked up and put down again
    (and fyi, we're not on a break - which you would know had you bothered to read the whole of the other thread i made)

    well bloody stop making posts and whinging about her then.

    and sorry if i don't make a tip top effort to keep up with your soap opera of a relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok then mr defensive. you're right we can only give advice from the perspective that you've given us of your relationship but it has been a pretty negative one. you have made 6 threads about it since january! not that you shouldn't, you know if you need a vent but don't be so quick to dismiss the advice of people who have taken time out to help you.
    but anyway, hope you work it out :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok fair enough, i know ive been very defensive about the replies received and i have made a lot of threads about it.
    On the whole i love this relationship though and the times ive made threads about it have been mostly in anger and as a way of venting a bit.
    As for the soap opera comment, a comment made by somebody on here actually, i think it was either kaffrin or rainbow brite, changed my perspective on relationships quite a lot. They said something along the lines of 'a relationship would be boring without any drama' and i think they were right!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you need to make up your mind...theres a difference between some drama and too much drama
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No woman, no cry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Addict wrote:
    No woman, no cry.

    Haha.

    Kermit et al are dead on, you need to cut your losses. It's no relationship if you can't even enjoy your time spent apart without feeling paranoid and questioning your future together.

    I really think it sounds as though you'd be better off apart, though obviously we don't know the situation and your feelings as well as you do yourself. Chin up, mate. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went through something similar. Lack of trust, lots of friction, but still I insisted to doubtful people (almost everybody I confided in!) that I was very happy blah blah blah.

    Then it ended and I realised that I was much happier without (took a while though).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It just sounds as though you need to have a bit of chill time from each other. You may have had a break before but perhaps stopping and considering your options would help. Its hard to know what to say but if your consistently arguing when together then I can think of no other solution.

    Best of luck on your decision mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arguments about trust? I don't care who's fault it is, you cannot have a relationship worth the name if you do not trust each other 100%.

    But yeah, course you're not going to listen to us about it. And yeah, of course we only know what you tell us.

    Arguments are a natural part of being in a relationship, if you feel strongly about someone then sometimes that will come out in an argument. But if you are continually arguing then the relationship is not right. If you never argue I think that's unhealthy, but it's definitely unhealthy if you argue constantly.

    Without trust you have nothing. If you argue constantly, or have blazing rows on a regular basis, then your relationship is in dire straits. When people say arguing is natural, they don't mean its natural to be at each other's throats half the time. If you think you have something worth working on then work on it. There ain't much more advice to give really.

    I'm not going to say that I think you have nowt to worry about, because if you argue half as much as you say you do then you're in trouble mate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Kermit, advice taken on board.
    erm...not sure what else to say...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    Thanks Kermit, advice taken on board.
    erm...not sure what else to say...

    Fair enough, you do what's best for you.

    But you do, in my opinion, need to sort out the constant arguing. We all argue sometimes, but not half the time we see each other.
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