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our dreams are never made of real things

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Not sure if this post should even be in relationships because the ways things are going im not going to have one for much longer :(
Things between me and the missus have been rocky at best over the past few weeks. We've both been spending more time with friends lately and she seems to have liked it. shes told me she wants a break for a bit just so she can spend more time with her mates and going out etc and shes not sure if she wants to be in a relationship anymore. Shes not sure what she wants as says she loves me loads but we argue constantly when we're together.
I agree with everything shes said really, i love her a hell of a lot too but things have been pretty bad lately and i too have enjoyed getting to spend more time with my friends which is where my dilemma comes into play.
Is staying together worth fighting for? should we just give up? should we play things by ear, stay together but not get our hopes up? have a break for a few days? not see each other as often as usual? ive no clue.
To be honest this is the first relationship ive had where ive actually given two shits about the girl im with. Everyone else i would have just walked away but i really love her and i do want things to work.
We both agreed on the phone that we want the same thing, for us to be together and for us to work and be happy. But things havent been this way lately and we have been arguing over stupid things.
I dont even know if i want replies to this thread tbh because it is doubtful i will take any advice from them anyway and will just follow my heart so this is just a sort of rant really but if anyone has anything to say then do reply, its still appriciated all the same

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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    icey wrote:
    i love her a hell of a lot too but things have been pretty bad lately and i too have enjoyed getting to spend more time with my friends which is where my dilemma comes into play.
    Is staying together worth fighting for? should we just give up? should we play things by ear, stay together but not get our hopes up? have a break for a few days? not see each other as often as usual? ive no clue.
    To be honest this is the first relationship ive had where ive actually given two shits about the girl im with. Everyone else i would have just walked away but i really love her and i do want things to work.
    We both agreed on the phone that we want the same thing, for us to be together and for us to work and be happy. But things havent been this way lately and we have been arguing over stupid things.
    I dont even know if i want replies to this thread tbh because it is doubtful i will take any advice from them anyway and will just follow my heart so this is just a sort of rant really but if anyone has anything to say then do reply, its still appriciated all the same

    Hi Icey,
    I'm not going to say too much as I think you're right - you can only do what's right for you and follow your heart. Just an article that you might find it helps to read: Stuck in a rut

    I hope things work out for you ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say be honest with yourself and with her also. Decide what you both want and then talk with each otehr about how you're going to move forwards from there. Keeping communication open between the two of you is important though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kathryn wrote:
    One thing I'd say is think about her with someone else, imagine her moving on and meeting another guy or having a string of flings...does it kill you? Because you can't break up with getting back together in mind, it doesnt work like that, if you split it should be for good, so can you cope with her findind someone else?


    good advice BUT...when you first split up with someone course you're never going to want to think about them being with someone else! not even a few weeks/months/years down the line for some people. therefore right now, i'm sure that thought makes him want to stay with her as he doesn't want to imagine her being with someone else right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd say if you both want it to work then stay together, but maybe if the change (both of you making more time for your friendships) has helped, then maybe you need to redifine your relationship- make your individual time part of your normal lives, its good that you've talked it through with her, you obviously care about her a lot, in some cases the best thing to do would be to say lets be friends to take the pressure off, but i know from personal experience that that isn't possible when you feel so strongly for someone. maybe you just both need your own space more so you can appreciate the time together more, if you're having petty arguments its likely because of some underlying frustration, if its to do with the relationship then a bit more space can let it cool off, if its unrelated frustration thats just impacting on you both then more space will let you sort your heads out. Plus seeing less of each other, you might both realise you want to see more of each other!
    i dunno if anything i've siad makes sense or is right, in the end you do have to follow your heart- just like you said.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    update:
    We are now currently on a break.
    Bascially the last thing she said to me before we parted was that she loves me and that she does want to be with me but she just wants a few days to herself to clear her head and sort out what she wants because shes just enjoyed having more freedom.
    :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs* take this time to think about your relationship too and about where yo see it going in the future and what has caused these problems that you talked about and decide if it is worth fighting for and how you and her can improve the situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just thought id best say aswell (atlhough you probably already have done this) its best to talk about what a break means to each of you, i.e can you see other people.

    weve all seen friends!!

    hope it all works out for you! x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we've agreed there will be no other people involved, i really dont know what to do..i mean shes said she wants a break but then she also says i can ring anytime i want. Im not going to though, i think she needs some space for a while.
    I just really want to be with her and want her to want that too (if that makes sence).
    This is so hard not to just run round there right now...im going to resist though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm missing her so much...:(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand how you are feeling I went nearly a month without see my boyfriend over the summer last year due to his work commitments and the fact that we both went on holiday for two weeks with friends,as we had booked them before we met.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little_one wrote:
    I understand how you are feeling I went nearly a month without see my boyfriend over the summer last year due to his work commitments and the fact that we both went on holiday for two weeks with friends,as we had booked them before we met.

    a bit different to iceys story isn't it though??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i guess if you get back together then you're 'meant to be' and everything will be fine. but if you don't get back together it's obvious that things aren't working for you both and that you could be happier.

    sometimes when couples go on a break, it does them the world of good and they realise how much they love eachother but sometimes obviously they don't.

    either way it'll work out for the best in the end.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    i'm missing her so much...:(


    maybe you should just text her to see how she is

    you have two outcomes:
    1) she will be touched that you care or...
    2)she will be annoyed that you cant leave her alone

    i dont know which one will happen its up to you if you want to find out.

    i know its not much help i just want you to feel better babe! *big hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    littleoleme wrote:
    maybe you should just text her to see how she is

    you have two outcomes:
    1) she will be touched that you care or...
    2)she will be annoyed that you cant leave her alone

    i dont know which one will happen its up to you if you want to find out.

    i know its not much help i just want you to feel better babe! *big hug*


    they've only been on a break a few hours though...

    i'm sure she knows he'll be missing her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she would be ok about me texting..shes got no credit to text back though so i'd never know if it was annoying her or not.
    The way we left things earlier im quite happy with, left on good terms and both acted ok about it. i was gutted inside though and just wanted to not leave...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lucifer devil wrote:
    they've only been on a break a few hours though...

    i'm sure she knows he'll be missing her.


    that is very true

    maybe leave it till tomorrow then :chin:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well you're bound to feel like this now aren't you. whatever the outcome later on, it'll get easier.

    chin up. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, its just nice to hear people being positive because thats about the complete oposite to how i feel right now..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    littleoleme wrote:
    that is very true

    maybe leave it till tomorrow then :chin:


    i just think it seems to be her calling the shots on this break (might be wrong?) so he shouldn't go running with the 'i miss you' messages. course it's his choice though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    thanks, its just nice to hear people being positive because thats about the complete oposite to how i feel right now..


    well of course you shouldn't be naive, it's sometimes good not to incase it goes belly up.

    all i can say is what i said earlier; this'll make you or break you. either way, there's not a lot you can do about it.

    what will be, will be n all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok so it a bit different from Icey situation, as my boyfriend did not ask to go on a break, but it was still hard for me as we had only been going out for three months so I was still at the stage where everytime he left me to go home I would sit in my room feeling really sad and would curl up on my bed. Even though I knew he would be back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the fact that you left on good terms is a positive sign. Its going to be hard but just give her time to think, also she said you could phone her, but I would wait a couple of days before you do and just kept it simple like asking how she is and how her day was.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lucifer devil wrote:
    i just think it seems to be her calling the shots on this break (might be wrong?) so he shouldn't go running with the 'i miss you' messages. course it's his choice though.
    I know part of the problem is that she hasnt been feeling special or loved very much lately..i dont know how i could change this though..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    update 2: Shes just phoned me, sounded pretty upset to start with and just was saying how she was missing me and wanted to be with me :D
    She cheered up a bit and went on to say how she only wanted a break because she didnt feel like i really loved her but then after i sent her a text she realised that i really do care and love her and just missed me :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    update 2: Shes just phoned me, sounded pretty upset to start with and just was saying how she was missing me and wanted to be with me :D
    She cheered up a bit and went on to say how she only wanted a break because she didnt feel like i really loved her but then after i sent her a text she realised that i really do care and love her and just missed me :D

    dont want to put a damper on this, but can i just add that although this has made you happy, that you need to be careful. Some people can do dramatic things like this to hurt the other, to get them to come running to them if the relationship wasnt going how they would like.

    Im not saying thats what your girlfriend is doing, but just be careful. If it becomes a regular habit that she suddenly wants a break or something, and then gives a reason why (being your fault) then assume she is doing it so that you go running to her begging her to not split up with you, and so that you say you will do things the way she wants in order to keep her.

    Glad your cheered up though :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I appriciate the concern, i dont think this is what she is doing though because i havent really given the whole story on here and im not going to, mainly the problems have been down to my paranoia and accusing her off stuff she couldnt possibly have done and also (not intentionally) ive made her feel guilty for seeing her friends sometimes. i can see why she didnt really feel loved...
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