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I feel like i've lied to her

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I went out with mates on Friday night, told my girlfriend that it was me an another guy plus a few of his mates that I don't really know. As it turned out there were a few more people there that I knew, but I didn't find this out until the last minute.

Anyway, the next morning I got a text from my girlfriend to sort out what we were doing that day, in it she asked how last night went, I replied that I had a good time and it was better than I expected.

Then last night (Sunday) she starts looking through my phone (she didn't ask, but then I was sitting there so could have stopped her) and she found a few photos from the Friday night. There was nothing bad on there, just a few of my mates (all male), but she made a comment about not knowing they were going to be there and that I didn't mention anything about them going with me. I said I didn't know until the last minute and that apart from the text on Saturday morning she hadn't asked me about the night, so I hadn't told her.

She didn't say anything else, but for the rest of the day I was getting the quiet treatment, like I had done something wrong. I didn't want to say anything, but I am 99% sure it's because she didn't know who was out with me on Friday and that I hadn't told her. Now i'm left feeling really bad, like I have been lying to her!

I don't no whether to bring this up with her when I see her next, or just leave things be as she obviously doesn't want to talk about it. She might even not be bothered, but she even admitted there was something up yesterday but she "didn't know what it was". As I said, i'm sure it was the photos, and i'm worried that if I don't try and sort this out with her it's just going to fester in her head and come back to bite me in the bum! :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :eek2:

    you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. you don't have to tell your girlfriend who you're with the whole time; infact any of the time at all.

    i could understand (though not relate to) if she was bothered about there being girls there..but lads?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :eek2:

    you haven't done ANYTHING wrong. you don't have to tell your girlfriend who you're with the whole time; infact any of the time at all.

    i could understand (though not relate to) if she was bothered about there being girls there..but lads?!

    Well I don't think I've done anything wrong, but she has a way of making me feel bad about things like this.

    My problem is whether I should confront her abou it, or just let it lay, after all, she didn't didn't feel the need to say anything else about it to me. I just want to know why I had quiet treatment yesterday, and why it started just after she saw the photos.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    Well I don't think I've done anything wrong, but she has a way of making me feel bad about things like this.

    My problem is whether I should confront her abou it, or just let it lay, after all, she didn't didn't feel the need to say anything else about it to me. I just want to know why I had quiet treatment yesterday, and why it started just after she saw the photos.


    well maybe they were unrelated??

    you're right in realising you haven't done anything wrong. if her behaviour was bothering you why not ask her why she was being quiet?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you've done anything wrong at all! You told her the truth!

    Like Lucifer devil says, perhaps she's upset about something unrelated. It's best just to ask her why she was being quiet. If she is upset over who you went out with, i dont think she should be
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    H-face wrote:
    I don't think you've done anything wrong at all! You told her the truth!

    Like Lucifer devil says, perhaps she's upset about something unrelated. It's best just to ask her why she was being quiet. If she is upset over who you went out with, i dont think she should be

    :yes: it sounds like you will both benefit from getting things out in the open. If it turns out that she is concerned about the fact you were out with more people than originally mentioned, then it's probably best to tread carefully. Rather than jumping down her throat, or accusing her of getting in your business, you could gently explain the situation - having a few extra lads there wasn't a big deal. If she doesn't react well to this, then you should probably make it clear that you feel unhappy, as it's important to have your own life/identity outside of your relationship with her.

    It might be that she is worried that you are hiding something else from her, which although there wouldn't be any justification for, many of us are guilty of the odd spurt of irrational paranoia from time to time! In that case, you might find it helps to read the second half of this article.

    Overall - communication is the key - good luck and I hope you start to feel better about things soon ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the past when i've been jealous i've gone al quite because i know i'm being silly and its me just making things up in my head rather than my partner having done something wrong. I dont like to say anything when i get jealous because i dont actualy (in the real world) have anything to be jealous of. If you talk to her she might tell you, but you havent done anything wrong so dont worry to much about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well we had a chat tonight about it and it somehow got turned around to how I would feel if she had gone out with a load of blokes that I didn't know about (don't really see that it's the same but nevermind). She went on to say that sometimes she wants to go out with her friends and a load of guys (that she doesn't know) without me but she knows i'd get the hump.

    I don't really know where this outburst came from, but then she said what bothered her most about the pictures is that she wasn't there and that I don't take her out with my mates enough.

    So after a very un-productive evening we managed to work out that i'm bad because
    1. I would be bothered by her wanting to go out with a load of guys she doesn't know without me
    2. I didin't tell her who I was with on Friday night
    3. I took pictures of it!
    4. I don't bring her out with my mates on our lads nights out.

    Makes me wonder why she's with me when i'm so terrible! :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    from all your posts that ive read (assuming youre with the same girl) it sounds like she treats you shit...i think you deserve better than someone who huffs when you g out with your mates....i cant offer any solid advice cos im shite at that but i dont like the sound of your relationship...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Schnook wrote:
    i cant offer any solid advice cos im shite at that but i dont like the sound of your relationship...

    Neither do I sometimes, it's so up and down, and so is she. She says one thing and then the next minute changes her mind. I never know where I stand, and whenever I try and set things straight so we both know where we stand then she'll clam up on me.

    I bet tomorrow i'll get a text saying she doesn't mind me going out with my mates and she wouldn't come even if I asked her. So what am I supposed to do? Because in a couple of months time i'll get this all over again!
    The whole time she's "making up her mind as to how she feels" it's leaving me feeling like shit and pretty damn worthless. :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't leave it as it stands, because quite frankly it's not the same thing you going out with a load of guys and her going out with a load of guys. More comparable, is you with girls and her with guys, or you with guys and her with girls.

    You need to address the sitution and find out what's really bothering her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Schnook wrote:
    from all your posts that ive read (assuming youre with the same girl) it sounds like she treats you shit...i think you deserve better than someone who huffs when you g out with your mates....i cant offer any solid advice cos im shite at that but i dont like the sound of your relationship...
    :yes: I agree
    not just this post but others I've read from you, it sounds like your her little lap dog who follows her on a lead or sommat. You are kind of changing the person you are to try and make her happy, trying to second guess what she wants so you can give it to her. Not a good way to live your life at all mate. If I was you I'd ask her where she gets off treating you like a chump, and if things didn't change I'd kick her arse straight out of my life, you deserve better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi mate. i'm not the best person to give advise on this but from reading alot of your posts she doesn't treat you that great, and plays with you head alot. From what you wrote you didn't do anything wrong, i also agree with Fiend_85 that if she wanted to compare your night out with the lads, it should have been a girlie night out. If it was a mixed group or you out with the girls then thats different.

    It sound like she needs to figure out what she wants. and to stop pissing you around. Sorry its not much in the way of advise, but i cant see that you've done anything wrong here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to agree from the other posts by you about her, she does seem quite selfish and jealous and you're always in the wrong. You ought to stand up to her more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes: I agree
    not just this post but others I've read from you, it sounds like your her little lap dog who follows her on a lead or sommat. You are kind of changing the person you are to try and make her happy, trying to second guess what she wants so you can give it to her. Not a good way to live your life at all mate. If I was you I'd ask her where she gets off treating you like a chump, and if things didn't change I'd kick her arse straight out of my life, you deserve better.
    yes, grow some balls.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes: I agree
    not just this post but others I've read from you, it sounds like your her little lap dog who follows her on a lead or sommat. You are kind of changing the person you are to try and make her happy, trying to second guess what she wants so you can give it to her. Not a good way to live your life at all mate. If I was you I'd ask her where she gets off treating you like a chump, and if things didn't change I'd kick her arse straight out of my life, you deserve better.


    well said mate.

    your girlfriend cannot compare you going out with some lads to her going out with a group of lads.

    think you ought to stand up for yourself. :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what was she thinking you'd get up to? turn gay and start banging them all? whats her issue?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does she expect you to tell her everything or something?

    Quick question - if this was her, would you react in the same way or not?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not just this post but others I've read from you, it sounds like your her little lap dog who follows her on a lead or sommat. You are kind of changing the person you are to try and make her happy, trying to second guess what she wants so you can give it to her. Not a good way to live your life at all mate. If I was you I'd ask her where she gets off treating you like a chump, and if things didn't change I'd kick her arse straight out of my life, you deserve better.

    I fully agree with this statement and/or suggestion.

    Don't be aggressive about it, but tell her straight that the situation isn't comparable, that you wouldn't get your knickers in a wad if she went out on a girly night out, and that she's being unreasonable.

    I get the impression that your lass isn't very confident, does she have many friends of her own? But always remember that you don't cure paranoia and jealousy by pandering to it.
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