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Who's yer daddy?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was wondering whats everyones thoughts on the possibility of children being able to find out who their father is if they were a sperm donar.

Has anyone on thesite donated sperm or eggs?
(Ponders the thought of little copies of Dom running around) <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

I don't really know what to think of this, I suppose its conflicting rights - right to know who your parent is, and the right to privacy. Do you think if people were allowed to find out who their parent is, it would put people off from donating all together?

<IMG SRC="cool.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With every sympathy to the child, this new ruling would stop me from donating. Think about the emotional problems for the donor and his family if someone turned up years after.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im with Juice, it would stop me donating..

    People donate in order to help others who cant have kids. They will stop donating if it means they are going to become a full on father.

    Maybe the sperm banks could have some kind of system whereby the kid can leave a message saying they want to meet the donor..If he wants to meet the kid then they can arrange to meet up, if he doesnt then he can let the kid know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that children should be able to find out basic details like medical history, not names. i think in the past, there has been too much focus on the rights of the donor and the parent but the rights of the child to have some background has been pushed under the carpet. my experience of this has been that my ex boyfriend was concieved using an anonymous donor, and he was very troubled by the fact that he would never be able to find out anything about his genetic background. in several depressive episodes he refered to himself as `a bastard of science`. i believe it is in the childs best interests to have basic information available to them if they want, and if this means that less donors come forward, then so be it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree that they should be allowed basic details but nothing more or we could end up with Ally McBeal type situations (her donor egg was used and the little girl turned up on her doorstep wanting a mum)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd never donate if it means I might have sprogs turn up in 18 years time claiming I'm their dad.
    If anything I'd use a false name and address
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I'm right in saying that anyone conceived from a donor egg (by assisted fertilisation) after the 1990 Human Fertility and Embryology Act can ask for details of the father. Although this is mediated through the HFE agency, and if the donor doesn't want his details to be known then the child cannot find out.

    Presumably this is changing?

    If so, it will definitely reduce the number of people willing to become donors.

    rainbowbrite, medical records are not basic info - someone's medical record is more important than their name.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just feel a bit sad for the people born who want to know who their biological parents are - I mean they didn't exactly have any choice in the matter

    *Will try and find that thing about the proposals for that 1990 Act*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by go_away:
    <STRONG>I just feel a bit sad for the people born who want to know who their biological parents are - I mean they didn't exactly have any choice in the matter

    *Will try and find that thing about the proposals for that 1990 Act*</STRONG>

    Then think about the people who will lose out on having a child because noone is willing to donate sperm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    <STRONG>

    Then think about the people who will lose out on having a child because noone is willing to donate sperm.</STRONG>

    Tell me you're just being sarcastic? <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    There are enough orphans in the world. Adoption is the answer to a lot of problems.

    You would'nt be happy to discover you came into being because dad decided to have a wank at the sperm bank.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Abumondir:
    <STRONG>

    Tell me you're just being sarcastic? <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    There are enough orphans in the world. Adoption is the answer to a lot of problems.

    You would'nt be happy to discover you came into being because dad decided to have a wank at the sperm bank.</STRONG>

    I'd be even less happier, going to the sperm bank, having a wank and then being approached 18 years later by someone claiming I am their father.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    <STRONG>

    Then think about the people who will lose out on having a child because noone is willing to donate sperm.</STRONG>


    No, it will mean that they miss out on having a baby "of their own". They can still adopt.

    If anything, IVF has a lot to answer for...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I don't venture into this forum much, typical newbie spending all her time in the sex forum! But I was concieved using A.I.D and it really makes me feel shit that I will never know anything about my father. I feel like I'm only half a person, sounds dumb but it really gets to me. It seems like peple only think about the rights of the donor and not about us lot. It does kind of fuck you up inside, having to accept that you'll never really know who you are. I guess that's just something we have to accept though. Couild anyone tell me if there is anything we are allowed to know about our dads cuz I am totally clueless on the matter??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Nellyluva2:
    <STRONG>Hi, I don't venture into this forum much, typical newbie spending all her time in the sex forum! But I was concieved using A.I.D and it really makes me feel shit that I will never know anything about my father. I feel like I'm only half a person, sounds dumb but it really gets to me. It seems like peple only think about the rights of the donor and not about us lot. It does kind of fuck you up inside, having to accept that you'll never really know who you are. I guess that's just something we have to accept though. Couild anyone tell me if there is anything we are allowed to know about our dads cuz I am totally clueless on the matter??</STRONG>

    You've been missing the point entirely. What makes you think your "father" would want to meet you? He donated the sperm becaus e he wanted someone to be able to conceive, not because he wanted to be a dad. I know it must be hard for you, but if I was the donor, and I was approached 18 years later I'd be pretty pissed off it was someone claiming to be the product of my overactive right hand,wouldnt you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not saying that I want to meet my "father", but it would be nice to know a little bit about him. Not anything so I would be able to trace him because I admit that maybe he wouldn't want that. But having to accept that you'll never know anything is hard. I do respect that he may not want to be identified but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself. It just seemed that people only really think about the donor's rights and not about what we might want.
    By the way if I donated eggs then I wouldn't want some kid coming to me 18 years later and telling me I was their mum, I guess I'd never thought about it like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Nellyluva2:
    <STRONG>By the way if I donated eggs then I wouldn't want some kid coming to me 18 years later and telling me I was their mum, I guess I'd never thought about it like that.</STRONG>


    Exactly. The donor's have rights to stop them having to go through the trauma of finding out they might have kids.
    The only reason they donate is to give a couple the chance to have a child. I don't even advocate telling the child the true nature of their conception. Surely the best approach is letting them live in ignorant bliss in a case like this? What they don't know can't hurt them.

    But, at the end of the day people will stop donating sperm if there is even a chance that they will recieve a "hi dad" phone call in umpteen years time.
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