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another one about men...sorry i'm not too original!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok,is it very difficult for guys to stay friends with girls they casually date for a short period of time?
went out with a nice guy- a friend of a friend- for about three weeks - both of us figured that it wouldn't be heading anywhere so we both ended things. his ego was a bit dented (i think) because i said it first.he wanted to meet up n giv me the whole "you're a nice girl but..." speech, but i hate getting that speech n giving it too! so while we were talking over the phone i just casually said that we should "go back to being friends" and he agreed with me n he was nice abt it all.
now, our mutual friend says that he's uncomfortable seeing me, and she doesn't want to invite me over to any of her uni events (and i love going for her uni events!) cos she doesn't want to upset him (he's in the same uni as her- and he probably will be there) i don't understand why he'd be uncomfortable to see me cos we went out only casually,n only for three weeks (n it's not like we slept with each other or anything)! - and he said he'd be fine hanging out with me. ...
the guy i went out with before is fine hanging out with me, in fact he's such a good friend of mine!
does it just go down to diffrent guys reacting diffrently to different situations? or is it that pretty much all men can't handle it when their egos get bruised?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont understand guys and these situations! i usually genuinly do want to be mates. sometimes its fard for a while afterwards to completely cut all feelings but after a bit i dont understand why they feel awkward.

    Maybe he didnt really want to be friends and wanted something more but doesnt want to confuse matters?

    or maybe you just need a little more time to sort it out? - your mutual friend can have soemthing to say but i guess only you two will know how you feel about it. can you talk to him about it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i find it hard, not because of any problem on mybehalf (not meaning to sound big headed)

    but i did live with three girls for a year and a bit, and we all used to crush up on the big sofa in the living room, and watch films and stuff

    and i was there for them when they still hated all men etc, and i dated one of them short term, and that was before we all moved into a house together

    its odd for me, but not impossible, but from my experiences, i found many of the issues were not down to me, but from the other half who9 just couldnt get it into their head that sometimes guys can and do care and not mean it in a wanting to get their pants off way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been through this too and the guy in question just didnt want to be friends with me after even though we only dated for a couple of weeks. He basically avoided me at all costs, we had been friends before datiing too so it was really hard for me because I missed him so much and wanted to stay friends. I think the problem was that we never really had an official talk about us stopping dating it just sort of happened and I think he felt bad about seeing me with someone else....either that or he just couldnt stand the sight of me!! :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been through this too and the guy in question just didnt want to be friends with me after even though we only dated for a couple of weeks. He basically avoided me at all costs, we had been friends before datiing too so it was really hard for me because I missed him so much and wanted to stay friends. I think the problem was that we never really had an official talk about us stopping dating it just sort of happened and I think he felt bad about seeing me with someone else....either that or he just couldnt stand the sight of me!! :crying:[/QUOTE
    ]

    that's pretty much what happened here!i was friends with him before, and i enjoyed hanging with him n talking to him....n i find it difficult because he's just disappeared! n yeah,we didn't have an oficial 'talk' either...n i didn't think it would be a big deal because he wanted it to end as well, so it's not like i dumped him, it was a mutual ending!.... :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lizzie_amy wrote:
    dont understand guys and these situations! i usually genuinly do want to be mates. sometimes its fard for a while afterwards to completely cut all feelings but after a bit i dont understand why they feel awkward.

    Maybe he didnt really want to be friends and wanted something more but doesnt want to confuse matters?

    or maybe you just need a little more time to sort it out? - your mutual friend can have soemthing to say but i guess only you two will know how you feel about it. can you talk to him about it?

    no, he doesn't want to have any kind of contact with me...n i don't understand why, because he wanted to end things as well!...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It seems more like your mutual friend is the one being a little odd. She should invite you both to her party and let you sort it out between yourselves.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it's widely known that you ended it, then he could be concerned people will think he's pathetic for hanging around with you. Either that or he genuinely doesn't want to remain close. Probably a combination of both.
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