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heartbroken and needing advice
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi this is my first post on here!
Basically on friday my boyfriend of 5 months finished with me without really any expectation. Up until xmas we were so happy and get on amazingly, was all perfect from when we met eachother accidently through a work colleague of mine who is his best friend. There is a bit of past with him re an ex gf who cheated on him and then came back months later to say she was pregnant and didnt know whos it was. he had been torn apart with his gf cheating on him and they have been seperated just over a year but he had never really dealt with it.
We were out on xmas eve when he bumped into her and they talked about the baby etc. he didnt want anything to do with her after she had gone behind his back and she decided to go ahead and have the baby. They talked and then xmas day and new years was fine although things were bothering me. A couple weeks ago he also saw the baby although has said that he isn't a dad and won't be a dad but was something he wanted to do whilst they were on civil terms. The reason I am explaining this is since beginning of jan things havent been as good with us, he told me he loved me on new years eve after attempts of him trying to tell me before and so for things to not be as happy for us has been difficult.
He said a while ago that he wasnt as happy and we both said we would work on it and had one of our weekends away which was so special and since I felt things were getting back on track until it was stressful the week he had seen this baby of his. He is not really one for sharing hifs feelings if they are upsetting etc and lately we havent been seeing eachother as much but when we have it has been fine. We went away for vday and then two days later when I ask him to do something he says that it is an effort to see me but when we are together he really enjoys being with me and that that set of alarm bells with him that he should want to see me more than he does and that if he truely loved me he would rather see me than his friends. And that he thinks we should break up as he thought it was just prolonging it and that he doesnt love me anymore.
I can not understand how two people can be so in love and happy to two months later him not feeling it anymore when I know it was there. He is the most honest person which is very rare in my experience with a guy but I know that I could always trust him and he wil ltell me something even if it is not the nicest thing to hear, andhe says that the breakup is nothing to do with his ex and that whole situation but I think that it must be to do with that as that is when things started to change. I have so many lovely messages on my phone of how he has had the odd female issue in the past and hopes that I stay the same that I am today and not to change and to go from being so loved up to this I am really confused.
I know that I cant change his mind or make him realise what he is throwing away but i can only think that that baby situation is behind his changes in feelings, i maybe hoping thats the reason instead of believint it just happened, but it has gone from one opposite to the other and the truth is that I really love him and all I can think about is when we were together and wish he could see those. He had told me that he will miss me but he isnt going to say all of the things he will miss as it wont help either of us and that he'll go to bed thinking about whether he did the right thing or not. I cant stand the thought of being without him and asked how he was happy with not being with me and he said that it wasnt that he didnt want to be with me he just didnt know whether he wanted to be with me enough.
Im sorry this is so long but is no way to explain it properly without the background and I hope someone can give me their opinion. Its hard cos he is the nicest guy ever and I just really feel for him because of all that he went through last year with his ex gf and this baby situation that he never really dealt with, he is the sort of person that blocks things out and doesnt like to deal with it and as nice and trustworthy as he is I just dont think he knows what he wants and I really want him to realise that we had something special and still do but I dont know if he will.
I sent him a last message today saying how I felt which he may or may not have read but after that I will not be speaking to him and the only way i would see him would be running into him out on a weekend, and so think i may avoid saturday nights out for a while. I would just like osmeones opinion please whatever it may be to help shed some light if they have been through a similar situation. I love him and this is so hard, and Im hopign that in a few weeks he will be missing me. My only thought is that he will miss me but still not want to ever have us back together.
Im just heartbroken and cant stop thinking about our many great times together.
I appreciate anyone that has read this far!
Thank you so much
: ( x
Basically on friday my boyfriend of 5 months finished with me without really any expectation. Up until xmas we were so happy and get on amazingly, was all perfect from when we met eachother accidently through a work colleague of mine who is his best friend. There is a bit of past with him re an ex gf who cheated on him and then came back months later to say she was pregnant and didnt know whos it was. he had been torn apart with his gf cheating on him and they have been seperated just over a year but he had never really dealt with it.
We were out on xmas eve when he bumped into her and they talked about the baby etc. he didnt want anything to do with her after she had gone behind his back and she decided to go ahead and have the baby. They talked and then xmas day and new years was fine although things were bothering me. A couple weeks ago he also saw the baby although has said that he isn't a dad and won't be a dad but was something he wanted to do whilst they were on civil terms. The reason I am explaining this is since beginning of jan things havent been as good with us, he told me he loved me on new years eve after attempts of him trying to tell me before and so for things to not be as happy for us has been difficult.
He said a while ago that he wasnt as happy and we both said we would work on it and had one of our weekends away which was so special and since I felt things were getting back on track until it was stressful the week he had seen this baby of his. He is not really one for sharing hifs feelings if they are upsetting etc and lately we havent been seeing eachother as much but when we have it has been fine. We went away for vday and then two days later when I ask him to do something he says that it is an effort to see me but when we are together he really enjoys being with me and that that set of alarm bells with him that he should want to see me more than he does and that if he truely loved me he would rather see me than his friends. And that he thinks we should break up as he thought it was just prolonging it and that he doesnt love me anymore.
I can not understand how two people can be so in love and happy to two months later him not feeling it anymore when I know it was there. He is the most honest person which is very rare in my experience with a guy but I know that I could always trust him and he wil ltell me something even if it is not the nicest thing to hear, andhe says that the breakup is nothing to do with his ex and that whole situation but I think that it must be to do with that as that is when things started to change. I have so many lovely messages on my phone of how he has had the odd female issue in the past and hopes that I stay the same that I am today and not to change and to go from being so loved up to this I am really confused.
I know that I cant change his mind or make him realise what he is throwing away but i can only think that that baby situation is behind his changes in feelings, i maybe hoping thats the reason instead of believint it just happened, but it has gone from one opposite to the other and the truth is that I really love him and all I can think about is when we were together and wish he could see those. He had told me that he will miss me but he isnt going to say all of the things he will miss as it wont help either of us and that he'll go to bed thinking about whether he did the right thing or not. I cant stand the thought of being without him and asked how he was happy with not being with me and he said that it wasnt that he didnt want to be with me he just didnt know whether he wanted to be with me enough.
Im sorry this is so long but is no way to explain it properly without the background and I hope someone can give me their opinion. Its hard cos he is the nicest guy ever and I just really feel for him because of all that he went through last year with his ex gf and this baby situation that he never really dealt with, he is the sort of person that blocks things out and doesnt like to deal with it and as nice and trustworthy as he is I just dont think he knows what he wants and I really want him to realise that we had something special and still do but I dont know if he will.
I sent him a last message today saying how I felt which he may or may not have read but after that I will not be speaking to him and the only way i would see him would be running into him out on a weekend, and so think i may avoid saturday nights out for a while. I would just like osmeones opinion please whatever it may be to help shed some light if they have been through a similar situation. I love him and this is so hard, and Im hopign that in a few weeks he will be missing me. My only thought is that he will miss me but still not want to ever have us back together.
Im just heartbroken and cant stop thinking about our many great times together.
I appreciate anyone that has read this far!
Thank you so much
: ( x
0
Comments
I know just how you are feeling and can totally sympathise. However, if theres anything i've learnt its that now (although its going to hurt) is to cut all ties. You never know whats round the corner.
Only he knows the true reasons why he decided to break up. He may come back but yet he might not and you might meet someone else who is right for you. so you need to accept this factor.
You're allowed your time to wallow and grieve for him and the way you are feeling is totally normal! It seems like he has a lot on his plate right now and so it is best to let him deal with it. he knows how you feel so i guess its best to leave it at that.
I really do feel for you and hope you are ok. It is a horrid feeling but dont let it change how you percieve yourself!
chin up hun.
good luck
xx
I shouldnt be waiting but its so hard as I know that hes making a mistake cos when we are together its always so nice. He was away in cornwall for work on valentines day and had asked me down there, had a lovely night and meal out then the next day i ask him to come round to watch a dvd on friday and he said that triggered alarm bells that he didnt want to and he should want to! Just so annoyed that he let me go down there on tuesday and more confused that everything was really nice and romantic down there for a couple days later for him to say he doesnt love me anymore!
After bumping into him on sat night in town and making things worse by arguing (alcohol and emotional levels high!) i rang the next day to talk and he said there was no need to and left it at that. he turned his phone off. I text reminding him about the first night we properly met (the usual message you send to someone, that you miss them and wish they wasnt doing this) and to my complete surprise he replied the following day saying thank you for the message, that he did not quite know what to say but that he wanted to reply.
I said thank you and didnt expect him to, didnt want to leave things like they was on sat and then he text again saying no need to feel funny about sat...
Im glad he text cos it shows hes not being completely heartless but how can he put a smiley face when i am completely distraught with everything. I cant stand the thought of us not being together and know he doesnt know what he wants, but i cant help but hope that things will turn around. I know the likelihood prob isnt that great that he will, but its just sad for us to lose what we have. he last text on mon and i haventsince even tho i am so desperate to go round there but id only make him be glad he chose to do what he did.
so have you been in a similar situation?
Thank you agaihn for your reply it was nice to have some insight from someone that isnt going to shoot him down straight away like my friends!
thanks o much tho i cant say how much i appreciate it cos my friends have suddenly turned against him when he really didnt intentially go out to hurt me
x
Its just hard to cope with the sudden loss of feelings from him. Although he's still corteous and friendly so i cant hate him i know i now have to keep my distance. I feel like i did something wrong but dont know what. we had a lot in common and got on really well. I did the same, sent him a text saying how i missed our chats etc and he was really nice in replying. But i've cut contact now and havent had a proper convo with him in 3 weeks. its horrid but it gets better i promise. i know its for the best to help me get over him but then i do think about what he might be thinking. and thats the worst bit.
However, looking from the otherside i've done it before to guys - i dont hate them i just dont see them in a certain way anymore.
all i can say is that you know what he is really like. Maybe he could have been a little less abrupt but sometimes its better to accept it with dignity and move away. Theres no need for playing angry shouting games sometimes.
Rally your mates round you and go out and distract yourself. DOnt go round to see him. I guess you both need some space right now. Maybe write his phone no down on a bit of paper and put it away and delete the no. from your phone and it will help you not to want to text him so much.
PM anytime. Hope it all works out ok for you.
L-A
xx
think space is what we both need for know and i guess whateverhappens will happen. thing is that i know that he will bewondering whether he did the right thing as he said, just think we take things forgranted and hopefully he will realise what hes thrown away.
im trying to keep busy tho so ..
thanks again hun
xx
Time and space are definitely two things you need at the moment, to gain some perspective - I think he probably needs these things too. So try your best not to contact him, easier said than done I know! Most importantly, look after your own heart and interests. Try and keep your chin up.