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The 'nice' girl vs the 'bitch' can girls be too nice?!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
right. ok - just been skim reading "from doormat to dreamgirl; why men love bitches!"
Its basically about girls who are too 'nice' they will bend over backwards for their guy etc. or even in general, it implies that for girls who 'dont want to play games' are not going about things right. Even if you get on well then the girl shouldnt be too accomodating of her man and should let him wait more. i know the idea of the thrill of the chase is a well known fact etc. but what about when you're together? even if things seem to be flowing well should you still be playing games?
I myself am generally a giving person, i dont really like confrontation and but am confident enough to do what i want even in a relationship however if there is a guy who i like i will not want to seem too pushy so go for the compromise thing. i do though feel that i am making soem fundamental mistakes soemwhere
its quite hard to explain but basically - Guys, can a girl be TOO nice?! and if so can a girl turn this around and win a guys respect back even if he may have thought this in the first place? would she have to tell him that she realised she was too much of a pushover or does this defeat the object and look desperate?
Do guys really not like it when their girlfriends are attentive? i feel so selfish if a guy is lovely to me and i just take it all and dont give back!
If you want any more info about the book then ill post some quotes...just wanted to start a discussion....go!
Its basically about girls who are too 'nice' they will bend over backwards for their guy etc. or even in general, it implies that for girls who 'dont want to play games' are not going about things right. Even if you get on well then the girl shouldnt be too accomodating of her man and should let him wait more. i know the idea of the thrill of the chase is a well known fact etc. but what about when you're together? even if things seem to be flowing well should you still be playing games?
I myself am generally a giving person, i dont really like confrontation and but am confident enough to do what i want even in a relationship however if there is a guy who i like i will not want to seem too pushy so go for the compromise thing. i do though feel that i am making soem fundamental mistakes soemwhere
its quite hard to explain but basically - Guys, can a girl be TOO nice?! and if so can a girl turn this around and win a guys respect back even if he may have thought this in the first place? would she have to tell him that she realised she was too much of a pushover or does this defeat the object and look desperate?
Do guys really not like it when their girlfriends are attentive? i feel so selfish if a guy is lovely to me and i just take it all and dont give back!
If you want any more info about the book then ill post some quotes...just wanted to start a discussion....go!
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Comments
If you don't respect yourself aint nobody gonna give a good cahoot.
Sorry I'm not a fella.
I'm really attentive to my bf's, I tend to go out of my way to do things for them even if its small. But then I expect the same in return. I treat people how I want to be treated.
Its not about being a push over, its about doing things for eachother and compramise, if I really dont want to do something then i wont do it. I'm not a door mat.
There is always going to be one person in the relationship that is easy to win over, but then the other person should notice that and make sure that they dont abuse it. Relationships are about equality. (amongst other things)
"From doormat to dreamgirl: why men love bitches" What's that? It sound bitter whatever it is. Sounds like the usual thing of all women with fellas are bitches, because I can't get one.
I don't like game playing girls personally. I don't like it when girls play games and I don't play games with them. Its pointless, slefish, arrogant and stuck to be game playing liek that and people can get seriously hurt.
Guys don't like bitches either. Who wants a girl to be a uncaring bitch? I mean maybe if they are good looking then maybe its a challange and theres something there but once yoiu have sex with them I doubt there is much attraction to a girl who is a bitch 24/7.
Girls should be nice and attentive and sweet.
I mean don't be too much of a push over I guess. I mean if you guy says to you to suck off his mates, when your really dont wana do that, then yeah thats to omuch of being apushove rif you do it and the guy would lose respect for you and just use you I reckon but being nice is not a crime and being nice doesn't meanyou don't have a personality.
I have to say its usually the other way round, girls saying guys ar eto onice to be with and then they go off with guys that cheat on them or hit them, all because they are "exciting" or "manly" or "puts them in their place" and such other guff.
hmm.. thats what i was afraid of.
Its hard to decide where we started off you see. Whether it was with the contact and the texting and the everything else for the month or more before or when we physically got it on. prob is although at the time it seemed to be very relaxed and going very well - for the first week or so saw each other every day, looking back now (after break up) i realised i think i moved too fast (although i was trying hard not to) and assumed more before either of us were ready. feel very sick now and upset to think how i was such an impatient 'nice girly'.
I am not the most secure and the prob is i guess i would 'go running' as it were and thats what put him off. i know there is nothing now i can do to change that and it upsets me a lot. there was a spark but i killed it.
*sigh* wish now i had just been a lot more chilled and not waited around for him so. I really did like him and think it was going somewhere. but alas not. i learn something again! gah. wish i could get over these probs! but i hate going from guy to guy thinking that 'this time will be better' and its not.
sorry - self indulgent rant there.
I'll post a few quotes from the book later on when i've found it in the midsts of my bedroom mess!
I dont really agree with the whole 'playing games' thing but unfortunately, because of the sort of person i am i guess i get a little bit blinded to the rest of the world when i'm into a guy. and i have to be very aware of myself as i get caught up in the moment otherwise and lose sight of things. I think it is a lot to do with confidence and personal security.
i remember some people have told me i'm "too nice" before and also a quote from my friend of "you're like a mom" makes me cringe because thats what i'm like. when i care for people i want to know they're ok and i'm there for them and want to be nice too them. Guess its not right tho and i need to toughen up a bit.
lol - good on you! i'm so trying to get over this and look to concentrating on myself and thinking - he's not going to let me miss any other chances with anyone! last time this happened i got v.pissed off the ex found someone new before i did...not gonna be the case this time.
if u always don't care they will get discouraged and give up, if you care too much they'll abuse it.
i can never seem to get this balance right lol ppl tell me i'm too nice!
I don't like this too nice label. Nice in the wider media is just meaning being a decent person. Not bland or on personality at all. It just means you ur not "player" and you consider others instead of just yourself.
Don't change who you are just for a guy. If he wants a bitch that will no doubt cheat on him with his best mate or dump him because he hasn't got a car, flat, money and and a 12 inch dick then thats the risk he takes. Don't be down on yourself.
Sort of tells you that you shouldnt give too much too soon/make themselves too avaliable. That nice girls are too accomodating and are happy to let little things go when maybe they shouldnt.
this link is a few reviews off amazon and it seemd to me that the opinions on the book are biased according on the readers situation.
however for me, it has raised a lot of questions about myself and conduct when i am with a guy. i think i expect too much too soon. However i also think its a lot to do with personal confidence and security...
Next time you'll be conscious of what went wrong previously, so it isn't all bad. Trial & error is just a part of growing up. What's more, a lot of girls don't seem to realise they're being too clingy, so they keep on fucking up their relationships. At least you're analysing what happened, so you're well on the track to improving your approach.
I wouldn't say it's about toughening up - you can't really change your character, what you can do is become self-aware and moderate how you act.
You probably just have a lot of oxytocin (women produces more of this than men, who in turn produce more testosterone - they are sort of male/female opposites) which results in an overly feminine, caring attitude. That isn't a problem, all you need to do it just work on 'playing the game' at the start of relationships - i.e. being self-centred and slightly aloof, whilst also retaining charm.
I would never recommend 'The Rules' to anyone, but it might be worth having a look at this just to understand the opposite approach to what yours has been.
How do you mean?