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Being messed around

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'll try and keep this short.

Last weekend my girlfriend and I made plans for this week, saying we wouldn't see each other Wednesday and Thursday and then see each other on Friday.

Anyway, Wednesday she turns around adn says that she's got stuff to do Friday and says she wants to see me on Thursday instead, but I had already made plans at this point to see a mate on Thursday night. I said i'd cancel if she really wanted to see me, she said no go out, but we agreed that i'd keep it short and see her afterwards. (my mate was happy just to go for a couple of drink after work anyway).

So last night, I met up with my mate, fine, stayed with him for a couple of hours and then headed off home, text my girlfriend to say I was leaving the pub. When I get home I get a text saying that she's not going to see me anymore because it's not worth it (it was 9:00pm, not exactly late, seeing as if she came tound she would have probably left at 12:00).

We then spent the next hour and a half with me trying to get her to come round and see me, and her just saying she wants to but it's too late now. In the end she said that if it was still 9:00 she would come round, but by now it was 10:30!! :mad:

I told her not to worry and that I wasn't angry with her, jsut upset that I didn't get to see her when I was expecting to.

The problem is I am angry with her, I don't like people messing me about, especially not my girlfriend. I had to change my plans for her twice and ended up ending a night out with a mate early just to see her. I'm sitting here at the moment thinking about it all and getting madder and madder at her, but I don't know if I should bother saying anything to her. As far as she knows I was just a bit upset, but didn't see anything wrong with what she did. If I do say anything it's likely to ruin our weekend and cause an argument, and I know it'll be turned round to me and i'll feel bad for "trying to make her feel guilty".

Should I just keep my mouth shut (like I normally do!!)? Is it not really a big deal anyway? So what if she kept changing our plans and cancelled on me at the last minute?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The way I see it, if you keep your mouth shut, she isnt going to think she did anything wrong...
    So she will keep doing it in the future!

    Plus all your doing is building up aggression towards her, which is not good...

    I think you need to sit her down and have a talk to her about it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the advice not to keep your mouth shut. Seems like a communication problem coupled with the frustrations this brings. Tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, tell her how you think things could be better, ask her how she thinks things could be better- then you'll be in a better position to work at it or decide if it's not worth it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if its the first time she's messed you around then let it be for now, and talk to her if it happens again- people make mistakes, maybe she'd just had a bad day, but if its not the first time, then you should definitely tell her you're not happy with it- tell her you appreciate that sometimes things happen last minute, but not to expect you to be at her beck and call. if its a habbit shes got into then its probably becasue she doesn't realise that you have just as many demands on your time as she does; she values her schedule over yours, which isn't fair on you. so if its a one off, give her a chance, but dont leave it be if it seems to be a regular occurrance.

    the thing with that conversation you had- her changing her tune when it was too late, seems to me that she was trying to make a point, maybe she had decided she wanted you to totally pass up on seeing your mate in favour of her, so maybe she was getting you back for still going out, but in the course of the conversation she realised that actually she didn't mind that much and would have liked to see you afterall? i dunno, thats just my interpretation. i'd say have a talk, dont necessarity be aggressive and accusing, just try to be reasonable, and say that you dont think it was particularly fair- you tried to accommodating and compromising afterall, you'll probably be able to guage from her reaction whenther she feels bad about messing you around, or whether she doesn't see herself as being in the wrong (in which case theres a problem)

    good luck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say something, like... "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, cos it's not really a big deal, but I don't like having to change my plans over and over, and then when I do being mucked about a bit. Just next time we arrange to meet, keep to it unless you absolutly can't, especially if I'm making a special effort for it"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just keep quiet mate it will only cause more trouble for you in the long run if you have a go at her. That is an example of a typical woman - headfuckers arent they!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to just tell her what youve told us. Youre not being unreasonable at all.
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