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Advice required
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone
First post and all but here goes (I’d introduce myself properly but I’m a bit nervous right now so maybe later!)
Anyway, there’s this girl…I really like her, we get on really well, we’ve done a bit of the harmless flirting (or so I think…) and I’d like to see if there’s anything possible beyond this - even if it's simply gaining a good friend outside of work.
I want to ask her out but don’t want to be too obvious in that I’m not going to say ‘will you go out with me’ or ‘fancy a drink sometime’ because they aren’t me and I’ll mess it up…but I was thinking of asking her if she’d like to go ice skating sometime (as this is something I do – I play ice hockey) so I’d simply be asking a ‘friend’ to go do something I enjoy – share in my hobby as such and therefore get to spend time with her in a non-threatening, not too intimate environment?
The problems are that we work in the same office…which could cause awkwardness if she gets offended – plus I’m a *bit* older than her. She’s 18 while I’m 26 – is this too much, should I not be considering this, will I look like an idiot etc. I’m not worried that she’ll say no – I just don’t want to weird her out.
…and yeah I’m 26 and pretty much a novice at this sort of thing – finally gained/regained enough confidence and I want to put it to use – I’ve spent far too long contemplating this sort of thing and missing out.
So does this sound reasonable – should I stay away and find someone more my age – should I be more direct??? Anyone got anything else to say – please be gentle!
Thanks for reading – and I look forward to your replies.
_79_
First post and all but here goes (I’d introduce myself properly but I’m a bit nervous right now so maybe later!)
Anyway, there’s this girl…I really like her, we get on really well, we’ve done a bit of the harmless flirting (or so I think…) and I’d like to see if there’s anything possible beyond this - even if it's simply gaining a good friend outside of work.
I want to ask her out but don’t want to be too obvious in that I’m not going to say ‘will you go out with me’ or ‘fancy a drink sometime’ because they aren’t me and I’ll mess it up…but I was thinking of asking her if she’d like to go ice skating sometime (as this is something I do – I play ice hockey) so I’d simply be asking a ‘friend’ to go do something I enjoy – share in my hobby as such and therefore get to spend time with her in a non-threatening, not too intimate environment?
The problems are that we work in the same office…which could cause awkwardness if she gets offended – plus I’m a *bit* older than her. She’s 18 while I’m 26 – is this too much, should I not be considering this, will I look like an idiot etc. I’m not worried that she’ll say no – I just don’t want to weird her out.
…and yeah I’m 26 and pretty much a novice at this sort of thing – finally gained/regained enough confidence and I want to put it to use – I’ve spent far too long contemplating this sort of thing and missing out.
So does this sound reasonable – should I stay away and find someone more my age – should I be more direct??? Anyone got anything else to say – please be gentle!
Thanks for reading – and I look forward to your replies.
_79_
0
Comments
I wouldn't think she could be offended by you asking her out...she might be a little bit funny if she didn't want to, but not offended! If you ask her without any pressure then I don't see any reason why it would be funny at work.
Go for it mate :thumb:
Edit: oh and ice skating is a good choice too, 'cos it allows for intimacy (holding hands etc) without being worried about it! Especially is she's rubbish at skating!
You mean you'd think it'd be hard for both of you if she turned you down?
Personally, I don't see a problem with asking her to go ice skating or something like that. Just don't pressurise her into going out with you. (Whether it be as a friend or more)
Oh my, let us know how it goes....im so excited for you! :thumb:
By the way...I don't think the age difference is a problem at all. Especially since we all know that girls are far more mature than you stinky boys anyway. :razz:
(Yes I'm bitter, because nobody is asking me to go skating with them! :impissed: )
Haven't had the opportunity to do any asking yet but at least you've reassured me that what I plan seems ok (especially about the age gap thing - cheers!
I may have worded my original post slightly badly - didn't really mean offended as such - I just thought it could cause awkwardness and as woooooh put it - 'a bit funny' as we are in the same dept and see each other everyday
...but you only live once and all that and I'll get nowhere wondering what if
_79_
I dont think the age gap is a problem at all because of the well known fact girls are more mature, and skating is a good idea! Im a figure skater and asked my bf to come with me and he said no :grump: lol
hope it goes well let us know!
I then tried to say when would be good - seems the weekend would be best and I left it there.
Later on I tried to see if I could organise when exactly we would go - and had to use instant messenger due to me having to do work at the time...and she pretty much blanked everything I wrote - until a hour or so later when I mentioned it again - with me saying maybe 'saturday would be best as she'd want to watch the rugby on the sunday' - and she said that would be cool. I then tried to set the time as such - afternoon or evening - no response... so I left it there - didn't want to pressurise her. She did seem to be pre-occupied with something though - so I'm probably reading too much into nothing as we were still talking about other stuff and having a joke with other colleagues later on anyway.
So, should I bring the subject up tomorrow or leave it a day or two (she's got a day off friday though) - the best time for us to talk is first thing in the morning as there's less work and fewer people in the office.
So confused and don't want to be pushy!
_79_
Oh and dont read too much into how she acts or what she says to you as 9/10 times you will read it wrong. ive learnt this lesson lots!
Anyway, a bit later I pop over to her desk with my number on a post-it, wait a second or two and then I went back to my desk. I didn't want to press her to give me her phone number...and she didnt offer it.
I then cheekily instant messaged her later saying why hadn't she given me her number (as it was getting increasingly towards her end of day) and got no response.
So, basically - she was given my number (may or may not have put it on her phone as the post-it was still on her desk when I left) and I don't have her number to contact her...and yet she was still interested in going with me?
I'm guessing I did something wrong but didn't want to keep pressing the issue - and there's still every chance she'll ring me - but it did seem odd and I feel like I made a massive mess of things...
...told you I was a novice! :impissed:
So, unless I get a phone call, I'll know nothing now until Tuesday (and I've no idea how to bring the topic up if she doesn't call ) - which sucks a bit - but thanks everyone for your advice.
Anymore would be hugely appreciated.
_79_
Work outing tonight - she turned up and I just mentioned the skating thing to her (as I hadn't finalised details and thought it seemed apt) - she told me that she's organised to go to London to see some friends - with a sorry attached...and then pretty much blanked me the rest of the evening.
So I guess that's one more crash and burn to add to the list!
The only thing that made me wonder was at the end of the night when she left she went and said goodbye to everyone apart from me who she simply looked at and waved...
Feeling pretty hurt at the moment but I guess that's how I should feel...
_79_
Maybe suggest something else, or move on.
I still want to remain friends with her (and still have to work with her) so don't want to cause any undue pressure by persisting. If the situation changes for the better in the future then maybe I'll ask again - who knows?
(Oh, and I had drank a few when I posted last night...
Thanks for posting though.
_79_
Indeed. :yes:
Some people like a keen, organised approach and some people like more casual interest. It gets very easily into playing games which is never a good thing imo, so I'd say just chalk it up to experience and move on.
You win some, you lose some. Hopefully next time you'll have a better result. :thumb: