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Worried about a friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm worried about one of my friends. She's recently got an online bf who shes only known a few months. She hasn't met him or spoken to him on the phone. I don't think they even have each others mobile numbers. Thing is, he's 20 and at finishing uni soon, she's my age. When she first started talking to him he asked her out more or less straight away and he'd just split from his gf. I don't think he'd even seen a picture of her. I'm worried because i think she's only doing because the rest of us have boyfriends and she feels left out. She's a really lively bubbly girl but she's quite big so doesn't have much confidence with guys. I just think she's doing it for the wrong reasons and it seems odd that all he's been interested in is getting with her since he met her. Should i say something?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes. Someone needs to point out that things are not right here. You're better placed to do that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just express your concern to her. Make sure it's only you two though - or maybe one other close friend who has the same viewpoint. Just ask gentle questions about the situation, and offer her the idea that maybe something isn't right. Don't go in all guns blazing, you'll argue and it'll probably force her to him faster.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    I don't think he'd even seen a picture of her.

    How can it be possible to go out with someone if you've never seen a picture of them? :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can it be possible to go out with someone if you've never seen a picture of them? :confused:
    exactly, personally i don't see how you can have a relationship with someone you've never even met.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    exactly, personally i don't see how you can have a relationship with someone you've never even met.

    Agreed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But, so far- what's the harm? She's getting a little romance, and maybe it's enough to boost her self-confidance enough for her to get a real-life boyfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    But, so far- what's the harm? She's getting a little romance, and maybe it's enough to boost her self-confidance enough for her to get a real-life boyfriend.
    But she sees this guy as her boyfriend, so she's less likely to get out there. Its ok for her to be getting a little romance....but to go as far as calling him her bf, when she's never met or spoken to him on the phone is a bit drastic i think
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It may be a little sad and unrealistic, but at the end of the day i doubt she would listen to you if you tried to tell her its not a proper relationship, and people need to learn from their own mistakes. She will soon learn that he's not really her boyfriend.
    Just make sure she still comes out with you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its upto her really. If its providing her with a little happiness then surely it isn't a bad thing? The only thing I would advise butting in on is that if she is planning on meeting him tell her to take precautions or offer to go along for support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like typical silly teenage behaviour to me.

    This "20 yr old guy" is probably a snotty nosed brat who thinks he's cool cos he has an internet gf. And your mate thinks she's cool cos she has an internet bf...tell her to wise the fuck up and catch a grip of herself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah its a bit of a childish fantasy and im just worried she'll get hurt, going to discuss it with fellow friends see what they think
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For all she knows, he could really be in his 40s...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    yeah its a bit of a childish fantasy and im just worried she'll get hurt, going to discuss it with fellow friends see what they think

    Be careful because if it seems like all of her friends have been talking about her she might feel like you're ganging up and that will push her further into this.

    Do you still go out as a bunch of friends? She might feel like she needs somewhere else to turn if you all have bf's. By expressing your concern on here it shows you care about her alot so maybe have a few girlie nights outs and chat to her about it while you're having fun somewhere and when she wont feel backed into a corner.

    I don't think theres any major issue here unless (like someone else said) she starts arranging meetings with him. To me it just sounds like she's having fun and enjoying the fantasy of having a 'boyfriend' without having to move out of her comfort zone and actually get one.

    Good luck anyhoo xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talk to her and explain why you're worried about her but if she insists on carrying on, just try and keep an eye on her and make sure she doesnt meet him on her own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why does it matter what she does? tbh i think you should just stand back, she'll only resent you if you try to put a stop to it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    yeah its a bit of a childish fantasy and im just worried she'll get hurt, going to discuss it with fellow friends see what they think

    What the fuck are you on about?

    You know rightly it's a childish chirade...your mate is a silly cunt and so is her "boyfriend" fuck dem both...tell yer mate to get a new e-mail address.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    why does it matter what she does? tbh i think you should just stand back, she'll only resent you if you try to put a stop to it.

    So, if you were Ballerina, you'd let your friend go and meet this guy, go out with him, etc? Sooner or later she'll probably come running crying...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But its a lesson she will need to learn.
    If Ballerina steps in and tells her not to meet this guy and to forget abnout him etc then is she really going to listen? i doubt it. it will likely just make her want to meet this guy more because 'they are starcrossed lovers who everyone is against' or some other crap like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id express your concern but let her get on with it tbh. if it makes her happy then who the hell are you to take that from her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i expressed my concern before when she was saying how odd it all was, the fact that he asked her out right after he broke from his gf before he'd even seen a photo of her and so on. She agreed that it was strange and that she was unsure about him. Then all of a sudden she's 'going out' with him. I know he asked her quite a few times and it just seemed a bit odd that he was so eager. People seem to be thinking im wanting to butt in and break it all up. I don't....i'm just worried she'll get her head in the clouds and end up getting hurt. I just get the feeling she felt she had to...because we all have boyfriends and he kept asking her. We do have nights together, last weekend we all had a sleepover for someones 16th. She kept quiet about him after i told her he sounded dodgy. They'd been together over a week or so before she told us. So if she decides to go meet him i'm worried she won't tell us.
    I just don't know how to say it without sounding funny because i don't think anyone else has said anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you even concerned in the first place? It's just silly teenage antics. You have a silly mate who's going out with a silly person because she wants to fit in...she'll get over it. Start worrying when she wants to meet this guy under a bridge at 3 am, until then...let her do what she wants.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Why are you even concerned in the first place? It's just silly teenage antics. You have a silly mate who's going out with a silly person because she wants to fit in...she'll get over it. Start worrying when she wants to meet this guy under a bridge at 3 am, until then...let her do what she wants.

    I agree.

    The problem being though that she might meet him without telling her mates and that would be a very very bad idea
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    But its a lesson she will need to learn.
    If Ballerina steps in and tells her not to meet this guy and to forget abnout him etc then is she really going to listen? i doubt it. it will likely just make her want to meet this guy more because 'they are starcrossed lovers who everyone is against' or some other crap like that.

    This is a very good point, as it what Rainbow Brite said.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would advise you to keep shtum. if your worried about your mate then you dont want to push her away from you, if you keep going on about how it looks dodgey and such then she will just hold it against you and what are the chances of her telling you if she is going to meet him?

    to be honest i think your being a bit judgemental of her afterall its making her happy and different strokes for different folks and all that.

    how would you react if she told you that your relationship was dodgey because he is older than you and you met him on the net? cos effectivley your doing the same thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    i would advise you to keep shtum. if your worried about your mate then you dont want to push her away from you, if you keep going on about how it looks dodgey and such then she will just hold it against you and what are the chances of her telling you if she is going to meet him?

    to be honest i think your being a bit judgemental of her afterall its making her happy and different strokes for different folks and all that.

    how would you react if she told you that your relationship was dodgey because he is older than you and you met him on the net? cos effectivley your doing the same thing.
    i'd known him several years and actually met him in person before i had a relationship with him. another friend asked me if i was worried too because she was. so i'm not the only one whos concerned. we just don't want her taken advantage of.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i'd known him several years and actually met him in person before i had a relationship with him. another friend asked me if i was worried too because she was. so i'm not the only one whos concerned. we just don't want her taken advantage of.

    :yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    :yeees:
    care to elaborate?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    care to elaborate?

    You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i'd known him several years and actually met him in person before i had a relationship with him. another friend asked me if i was worried too because she was. so i'm not the only one whos concerned. we just don't want her taken advantage of.

    You do realise that she could think that you're just interfeering? And for you all know, it cpould be totally innocent...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
    so its not normal to be worried about a friend in an online relationship?
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