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No one is ever there for me when i need them
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
One girl who i was always there for and who apparently 'loved me' and thought i was a 'great guy' and 'wanted me' is no ignoring all my emails or phone calls or what ever to her and has blocked me on msn. I dont know why as i did nothing wrong. 
I ask a friend to talk to her but she wont do it as shes 'fed up with passing messages onto her from other people'.
I look at my phone book for people to phone, i phone a couple up but none of them answer. I've never got anyone here for me, to talk to me, to cheer me up to be there for me when im low. I'm always alone which just ends up with me going to bed :crying:
I ask a friend to talk to her but she wont do it as shes 'fed up with passing messages onto her from other people'.
I look at my phone book for people to phone, i phone a couple up but none of them answer. I've never got anyone here for me, to talk to me, to cheer me up to be there for me when im low. I'm always alone which just ends up with me going to bed :crying:
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As for the phone book, why are you phoning up completely random people? You know Mark, you remind me a lot of myself when I first joined the site. And that worries me a lot.
NeoNero, I've been reading your old posts. A lot of people say all you ever talk about is how depressed you are. I've been there, and the people on this site had no time for it whatsoever. Much as I hate to say something so corny, I'm living proof that you don't have to be stuck in this frame of mind forever.
As for Neo, I don't think it is fair that she is just suddenly turning off on you like that. In a way it seems like the cowards way out. To be honest, she doesn't deserve what you could give her if she can treat you like that. I am sure you have a lot to give any person who is lucky enough to receive you friendship and love.
Perhaps you should try expanding your group of friends. Hard I know, I have had to do it myself but when you do things like that you realise how much you can accomplish and that you have more in you than you ever thought.
Go out and enjoy yourself, do something you find fun to cheer yourself up.
Don't forget that if you do need to talk there is always somebody willing to listen even if they aren't in your close circle of friends. Sometimes knowing that can make it easier.
If you ever need to talk you know where to find me.
Maybe this girl just isn't interested, plenty more fish in the sea and all that.
Anyway, take care
Glad to hear such things happened to work out well for you too SG. :thumb:
You know, in a way I can empathise because of recent events and "friends" really not respecting and being there for me... But you know, often it's the people who you don't expect to be there for you who turn out to be your best friends...
Thats so true! :yes:
Everyone single one of my so called 'friends' as done that, even the girl who used to tell me i was her soul mate.
You say she doesnt deserve me...well i duno, i got no one, so i cant have that many people wanting to be in the neonero fan club, people dont want my friendship or love. They'd rather not know i exist.
*sigh* i just want to be liked but i dont fit in, i even left the meet early yesterday cos i was feeling really sad and like i didnt fit in
I want to make new friends, but no one wants to be my friend it seems when i try to make new friends.
It's time you do something about following it.
No, I'm not picking on you. Yes, I'm fed up of you whingeing all the time, and doing fuck all about all the reams of advice we've given you.
Time to grow up and get some backbone.
It's my birthday next week, i called, emailed and text about 50 people asking if they want to join me for a tipple on the weekend. 3 people actually answered me and said 'duno what im doing yet'. They since havent got back to me. Everyone else ignored me.
Ive been to clubs and pubs and tried talking to people, most just look at me funny and then ignore me, girls have called me creepy or a perv for just saying hello to them, if i have been introduced to someone by someone else they just go 'oh hey' and then proceed to forget i even exist even when i do try and talk, everyone else just talks over the top of me.
I have tried inviting people out, they ignore me or once again 'duno what im doing yet'. One girl who said she fancied me i went round her house the weekend cos she'd been ignoring my calls and was all happy when she saw me but couldnt get me out the house quick enough, making up excuses about having to go out with her whole family. Rest her family didnt look like they were moving from the sofa any time soon.
I post on forums such as this, i met people yesterday at the meet, i really didnt feel like i fitted in, i spoke to people, i was nice, but i duno, no one seemed interested in me but they was with everyone else. If someone sat by themselves people went over and spoke to them, i had to go and speak to everyone else. I tried my best there.
I could go on, so its not through a lack of trying Mr Kermit as you seem to think. In fact two people today on msn tell me i try too hard. whats up with that huh?
I've tried, i've failed, i try again and i still fail. Not all of us have your charm Mr Kermit. Even though i try my best.
Stop being so sodding negative. It's not hard. Stop whingeing about what you don't have, and start appreciating what you do have. It's not a tough trick.
It's got nowt to do with charm, its got everything to do with being realistic.
The whole isn't your friend, the whole world won't ever be your friend. Some people love you, some people will hate you on sight, most people will be ambivalent unless you give them a reason to be otherwise. Most people you meet will never be more than an acquaintance, most people will not give much of a toss about you.
It's the same for you, it's the same for me, it's the same for everyone.
If you're going to sit in the corner and wait until people talk to you you'll be waiting a very very long time chuck. That's not how life works. People won't notice you unless you let them, and unless you make them.
cme on guys, when you met this poster, why did you react the way you did?
And the people i met yesterday, dont get me wrong, they are all nice great friendly people, just i guess they all know each other as a group and im just an outsider looking in. they probably dont think they have done anything wrong, but in my eyes, i just feel i dont fit in.
Hey NeoNero,
I was quite shocked to read some of the reactions to your post - but the more I think about it, the more it seems these guys really do care about you - they are being honest with you and trying to help you to see that worrying so much about whether or not you automatically fit in somewhere is probably knocking your confidence.
I wonder whether you are assuming that people won't be interested in you before you have even really spoken to them properly? There is nothing wrong with having to go to speak to everyone else before they come to you - tbh that's what most people do. Only a few people can get away with sitting on their own and waiting for people to gather around them and it's an odd thing to do don't you think, if you are out at a social gathering?
Katralla's has given some really sound advice, as if you really start to concentrate on something you enjoy, then you are bound to meet other people who share your interest - and perhaps give yourself some headspace.
And I base this on the self-pitying rubbish that I used to write on first arriving here. Mark, I do remember meeting you in London last year. I don't think you're a bad person or the like. You seemed very shy and reserved, much like me. Opinion was divided about you. Opinion is divided about me. You pay far too much attention to what your critics are thinking.
Right, some other questions;
(1) Are you on any medication at the moment?
(2) Do you believe you need any counselling?
If this is impossible, then join a club.
Orchestra Choir
Book club Sport
Gaming club Art class
Anything that takes your fancy! If you find it really difficult to talk to people for the first time, then memorise a list of twenty questions that can apply to anyone (how was your weekend?, so what do you do?, how do you know (insert name) - this one got me through sooo many awkward conversations, have you been away recently? etc etc) also while they are talking just pick out one point in their conversation and ask a question. Keep this up, and eventually the conversation should run smoothly.
A case example - when I first started my new job, I had to take the kids to playgroup. All the mothers were really cliquey, stayed in their own groups, made no attempt to talk to anyone else. I spent my whole time terrified of them, and did not speak to anyone for about three months (i'm serious) then i realise that I was being a total idiot, and just started talking to people who were standing by themselves. This totally worked, and all I had to do was think of a question from each answer they gave me, and eventually I didnt have to think about it anymore - simple!
Goodluck btw, and have loads of fun meeting new people!
I didn't know anyone there either and was left on my own at points thoughout the day just have to go with it
I cant win can i? You lot are saying go out and chat to people, but i invite people out and they dont want to come with me. I want to go out and have fun and change things but people dont want to come with me. All i get is the same 'i duno' or 'maybe' crap.
Im not depressed when im out, anyone who met me at either of the meets, was i acting depressive? Id like to think i wasnt and im sure you'll agree.
And to LacyMay, im sorry my life isnt a bed of sweet smelling roses, im sorry ive come onto an advice website which has a forum where people post their questions or problems. Maybe ive miss understood the whole idea of this site and your only allowed to post happy posts.
Do i moan a lot? Maybe but thats cos what ever i do is wrong. I try to make changes but they dont work. EVER no matter HOW OFTEN I TRY. WHICH IS A LOT before someone who has read about 10% of my posts seems to have my whole life worked out.
It was my birthday, i went out to a club and had fun, i went to the cinema and had fun. Did anyone chat to me in the club, not really, i said hi to a few people but no one was really interested cos they were with their social group of friends. I was a stranger to them and their attention drifted quickly which is fair enough as im not their 'friend'.
You know what, id love to set one of you guys or gals a challenge. Meet me for half a day and then at the end of it post your thoughts on me, i honestly cant say you going 'yeah totally depressive guy who only talked about suicide all day long and how ugly he was'...cos i never ever say that sorta stuff to people. I may write it down here but thats the difference, this is me posting, not having a conversation.
I like talia's advice about the twenty question thing, i dont really have any trouble chatting to people ive just met if they are part of the group im in. As theres so many things you can talk about, but a stranger in a club or new place...i find that difficult cos its hard to keep their interest and not seem like some kind of sexual preditor. But i dont have trouble chatting to people and im louder that most people id say.
LacyMay is right, you know. All you ever do is whinge. You've got such a chip on your shoulder, thinking that everyone should love you just because you're there. That isn't how it works, that's not how life is.
You can't just barge into groups, that's rude. But it's not hard to start conversations with drunk people, with strangers.
If you'd tried at a meet you'd have been talked to, its not all some huge group that excludes you. Most people at a meet haven't met each other before. Either you involve yourself, or you decide that everyone hates you, and remain silent.
It IS your fault. That's the harsh truth. People owe you fuck all, get that into your head right now. You are not owed anything. Friendships are not a divine right. You have to work at them. Instead of working at them, you have an half-arsed attempt in a completely unsuitable location, and then bellyache about it for weeks on end afterwards.
The ball's in your court. If you're not going to grasp that and follow the advice of posters on this message board, then you may as well not bother posting for all the difference it makes to your life.
We don't care whether you follow our advice or not. Why should we? It's not us that's pissing our life away in a fit of rather pathetic pubescent whining.
Exactly.
This is true, however, being the person I am, I personally find it very hard to start conversations with most people...
Totally agreed here.
I've been through this with him on MSN.
They don't treat him badly. Like so many people who are depressed, he only hears what he wants to hear, and he only hears what he expects to hear.
If I was friendly and nice to him, he'd ignore it. If I was ambivalent, he'd treat it as me hating him. That's how he is, that's how depression is.
You only hear what you expect to hear. Nero here will have ignored the nice people being nice, and focused on all the jokes he wasn't the centre of. Because that's what he does, exclude himself. He doesn't consciously intend to, but until he grasps this point nothing will change for him.
It's hard until you learn how to, really.
If you see each person as your new best friend, you're only gonna get hurt when they don't really care too much.
You should just set out to enjoy a little bit of craic, and if it gets more than that then great. If it doesn't, then you've talked to someone, and its passed 20 minutes pleasantly enough.
Personally I'm of the opinion most shy people need a job where they cannot be shy in it. I've been in two now, and its done me so much good- what I learn professionally I can use at the weekend.