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Stretched in all directions

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, Basically i'm stuck with what to do, i have this female friend who people suspect has a crush on me due to how she acts around me (giggling, remarks etc).

But i get on with this girl, nothing would never happen but i enjoy her company and would like to continue being her friend.

Problem is though that my gf is getting bit 'funny' (understandably) with some other girl flirting with me and wants me to stop seein her, or when i do she says "well i aint going out then, if she there"

I understand her feelings but i don't see why i should lose a friend due to her. In essence, i enjoy talking to this girl but then i hate the backlash from the gf who's view i can see. I'm a 3rd yr business student who just wants a easy life

Advice?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you need to reassure your g.f, and maybe explain to her that if she comes out with you all to pub,or wherever, then this girl who's filrting with you may give up upon seeing how you+your g.f are togther.
    It may give her the incentive to stop!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Or when your gf says "Well am not coming out then" you should say "if thats what you want, see you when i get in love". Then go and have a good time with your mate, your not doing anything wrong so if your lass wants to be childish about it then let her, she'll soon come round and want to come out with you. If you say "fine we'll stay in then" then she's got you well and truly hooked and where she wants you.

    My advice be strong n don't let her dictate where you go and who you spend time with, aslong as you keep your nob in your pants then you aren't doing anything wrong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i definatly think your gf is being a bit uptight. If i was your girlfriend i would be glad to go out with u and have her there! because then i could be extra touchy and friendly with my boyfriend to show her what shes missing and that he has a girlfriend so to back off!

    But i think maybe you should talk to both girls (this sounds like your a teacher in the playground in junior school!!) tell your girlfriend there is nothing to worry about and go anyway - if she sulks then let her because she will soon see there is nothing between you and your mate

    hope it goes ok
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see her problem - it's not like there's anything going on between you two. One question, when she flirts with you, do you react to this or just ignore it and act as though it's nothing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just act as normal, its quite subtle so its not hard to ignore but i'm taking the advice of basically doing what i see fit :p

    In essence i'm starting to see that it'll blow over, but its just difficult when they both together and them both expecting something totally oppisite from me. It often seems like a choice of being offish with the friend to satisfy the gf...or vice versa but i've made the right decision to just carry on being friends with the girl and letting the gf deal with it :yeees:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Is there any possibility that your girlfriend and this other girl could become friends? Perhaps you could organise a meal for the three of you and a couple of other friends and try to make it so the two girls sit next to each other.

    What you need to do is take the 'threat factor' out of the equation. If you're girlfriend is able to be at ease around this girl and even make a new friend, then she is unlikely to feel 'funny' about your friendship with her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think your gf is going to take kindly to going for a meal with you and someone she knows fancies you. Whenever your friend seems as if she's flirting with you, don't respond in any way that could be interpreted as flirting back. Reassure your girlfriend that nothing will happen between you and the friend. Encourage your gf to come to events where the friend will be, then be a bit more affectionate in public, to show the friend you're already taken.
    If you do what Lickalotapuss said, your girlfriend won't feel reassured, will be more arsy about the whole situation, and you'll get pissed off as well and feel more torn. Alhough you don't have the intention of fancying your friend atm, you may end up doing so, because she will seem the more attractive proposition compared to your gf who's annoyed at you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Luce wrote:
    If you do what Lickalotapuss said, your girlfriend won't feel reassured, will be more arsy about the whole situation, and you'll get pissed off as well and feel more torn. Alhough you don't have the intention of fancying your friend atm, you may end up doing so, because she will seem the more attractive proposition compared to your gf who's annoyed at you.
    So what?? He's invited her out and if she says "am not going if she's going to be there" I'd personally say "fine, i would like you to come but its your choice". Why should he have to choose between a perfectly good friend and his girlfriend?? You say invite her out, he's done that and she's replied with something along the lines of what i've wrote above.
    I've lost quite a few lass mates through the years because of jealous gf's and am telling you when it all goes tits up you begin thinking "why did i fuck my mate off??". I'm not sure how old they are or how long they've being going out but losing mates for a relationship should never happen, birds/boyfs come and go, your mates are there for life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Luce wrote:
    If you do what Lickalotapuss said, your girlfriend won't feel reassured, will be more arsy about the whole situation

    Oh noes.

    She shouldn't be a paranoid clingy fool then, should she?

    If your girlfriend doesn't trust you, then its her problem not yours. Sure, reassure her, but why on earth should you stop seeing a good friend just because your bird is the jealous sort? IT's ludicrous.

    Part of being with you is having her as your friend. If she can't take that deal, then its her tough luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "If your girlfriend doesn't trust you, then its her problem not yours. Sure, reassure her, but why on earth should you stop seeing a good friend just because your bird is the jealous sort?"

    It's a problem that concerns both of you, not just her jealousy. She must be jealous for a reason. So I wouldn't stop seeing your good friend, just stress to your gf that nothing is going to happen. If she continues being jealous, then you've done all you can and it is her being paranoid now.
    Lickalotapuss is right that you don't want to lose friends because of gfs/bfs, although question whether your friend is only being overly nice because she has a crush on you, which you say other people have pointed out to you already.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Luce wrote:
    She must be jealous for a reason.

    Yeah.

    It'll be her nature. Some girls are just clingy and paranoid, usually because of ex-boyfriends or an abject lack of self-esteem.

    The fact that the OP hasn't gone off to bonk this other girl should give her all the reassurance she needs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all the replies on this...i thought the same as all of you... well few days ago, argument between me and the gf happened on this subject,

    i just told her how it going to be and not going to put up with her controlling who i see and dont see. she's agreed and apologised so mostly its sorted except for the bit of arkwardness between the two girls but nothing I cant deal with. :wave:
    Now that stress is hopefully out the way i can concentrate on my business course instead of bitching girls :p
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