Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

dont know

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Im feeling tearful and wierd.

My parents divorced when i was about 5 and i have lived with my mum. I would visit my dad every week as a child but since being a teenager ive grown away from him sort of....i see him under 10 times a year sometimes not even 5. We know nothing about eachother really, i feel uncomfortable when i see him.

He has had MS for about 10 years. We never show our feelings in front of each-other. We have never talked about his illness.

I got a txt message from him today asking how i am and stuff, i text back saying im ok and asked how he is. The reply was "Oh im fine just cant walk, ha ha"

I dont know why but it really upset me.

How do i take that?

Bit of a stupid thread really. I just feel so tearful thinking about it. And i dont even know why? Its not as if its news to me that he cant walk. He has been in a wheelchair for years. It was more his response that upset me

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe he just wishes you were closer than you are at the moment. I know it sounds really obvious, but perhaps spending a bit more time together would be a good idea, maybe try and find something you both enjoy that would make the atmosphere a bit less uncomfortable?

    Don't let yourself feel like you've done something wrong, his reaction was probably either frustration or his idea of a joke.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Probably because you've not let it bother you now, and maybe a bit of guilt for not doing more with him is annoying you.

    Because perhaps you wanted to see him more/do stuff and you think his life isn't as great because he can't walk properly and you haven't seen him?

    I dunno, I think you should have a chat to him. Get into a habit of talking to him, I bet he'd love it.

    :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would love to spend more time with him

    but we never have anything to say to eachother

    he doesnt like doing anything. All he ever does is watch tv, smoke weed, go to the pub, and go to physiotherapy.

    I find it easier talking to my mums fiance who i have only known about 4 years.

    I feel so distant from him.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you could get him to try some other stuff? If you both tried something new then it could help break the ice a bit. If he wants to see you more, which I'm sure he does as you do, then try suggesting some things. It might feel weird but it's worth a go?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi this is my first message so you won't recognise my name....sorry to hear your dad is giving you the guilts, coz that's what i think he is doing. Its sad he is in this position but that doesn't really give him the right to make you feel bad. I had a similar relationship with my dad and it can be really damaging. Sure, see more of him if you want - but try not to let emotional blackmail get to you too much. Perhaps if you can handle seeing him more, you can start to talk about these things - but he is an adult oo, and it is his responsibility as much as it is yours.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i can understand why you were upset. him saying i can't walk is a hard thing to accept anyway without him having a laugh about it.

    i know how you feel with regards to feeling like you don't know him. i see my dad about twice a year and as horrible as it sounds, when i go to see him i often feel like i'm visiting an uncle. i also find it hard when he doesn't know what kinds of food i like etc but then that's not his fault. i still love him i just don't see him very often because of the distance.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think he was trying to emotionaly black mail you like another poster has sugested. Its probably his way of dealing with a difficult situation. There are plenty of things you can still do. Depending on how the MS has affected his arms you could take him bowling. Going to the pub might be difficult cos if you dont know what to say to eachother on the phone then in a pub wont be any better.
    He's not the only one who makes jokes about this sort of stuff, my family do it too. Always taking the piss out of each other and how crippled our family is getting.
Sign In or Register to comment.