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Condom help

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel a bit stupid about this, seeing as i'm 25 and have been having sex for 8 months, but i've never used a condom (I came close once a few years back, but it ended in disaster).

But now, due to certain circumstances I have to (or go without sex). The trouble is I seem to have this "thing" about condoms, I hate them, the thought of using them etc. The last (and only) time i've tried to use one it was a bit of a mess, I ended up loosing my erection and just didn't want to even try again. Admitidly my girlfriend at the time was VERY unhelpful, she ended up leaving me because of it!

Anyway, I'm now with a girl who i've been sleeping with for 8 months (she's on the pill) and I want to use a condom, but I don't know what to do about this thing I have about them. I know how to put them on etc. it's really just a mental thing I need to get over. I just wondered if you guys had any suggestions? How can I fit in the putting it on into the whole process without disrupting what we're up to. If I have to stop everything and spend a couple of minutes putting it on i'm likely to lose my "state of arousal". Do you think it would be an idea to get used to putting them on before I try and use them for real, try using them on my own, if you know what I mean?

Any advice is much apprecitated, thanks!
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Putting on a condom will disturb the act no matter what, you can't prevent it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    get her to put it on for you or something...............
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ~kaz~ wrote:
    Putting on a condom will disturb the act no matter what, you can't prevent it.

    Yeah I guess so, but I would like to minimise it, rather than getting to the point where I need it and saying "hang on a minute love" and sitting there trying to get it on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like what was said before get her to put it on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    get ur mrs to do it for u as part of foreplay?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    practice by yourself to get used to it :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was just gonna say what replicant said - you might get through a few condoms but try getting some practice on your own. would it help if she wasn't watching you put it on? 'cause i know a few lads in the past have preferred that i didn't look...don't know why!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was just gonna say what replicant said - you might get through a few condoms but try getting some practice on your own. would it help if she wasn't watching you put it on? 'cause i know a few lads in the past have preferred that i didn't look...don't know why!!

    Yeah, I think it would, takes the pressure off a bit if she can't see me make a mess of things. Also if I start to loose it, I might have to "get myself going" again, i'm not sure she'd be happy seeing that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Put it on before?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    Yeah, I think it would, takes the pressure off a bit if she can't see me make a mess of things. Also if I start to loose it, I might have to "get myself going" again, i'm not sure she'd be happy seeing that!


    also you need to get out of your head that you're going to 'make a mess of things'. just don't worry about it, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to put one on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    also you need to get out of your head that you're going to 'make a mess of things'. just don't worry about it, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to put one on.

    Very true, but easier said then done. I need to take things one step at a time, so I guess trying it on my own would be a good idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why does it take you a couple of minutes?

    My_name claims her partner can do it in 5 or 7 seconds :crazyeyes

    It used to take me a long time, but I've since switched to a brand that suits me better, and I can get ready in around 20 seconds
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Putting on a condom shouldn't take five minutes. It's closer to about ten to twenty seconds, by my estimation. That needn't be some kind of passion killer. Let your partner put it on for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Put it on before?

    eh? and wear it all day or summit?

    I dont think finding it hard to put on is all that big a deal. Has never bothered me before, is kinda funny

    Edited to add: surely its not a big deal if its with someone you have been with for 8 months coz you'll be comfortable with them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    eh? and wear it all day or summit?
    Isn't that one of the selling points for the femidom?
    I dont think finding it hard to put on is all that big a deal [...] is kinda funny
    now, being laughed at while you struggle to put on a rubber is a passion killer
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now, being laughed at while you struggle to put on a rubber is a passion killer

    lol, depends. If you are with someone you love and trust i dont think it is at all. from my experience anyway
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your not used to them, condoms can spoil the mood. They are greasy, leave crap all over your skin, they smell and they can reduce sensations like the heat and feel of unprotected intercourse.

    But after you get used to them they become alot of fun. Just rip the packet open with your teeth, grab the teat and bring it down over your john-thomas and unroll it in one quick action. Takes about 5 seconds if you know what you are doing (biting open condom packets isn't reccomended but I do it anyways seeing as my girls are usually on the pill ;)).

    To get accustomed try a 'royal' wank, that is, masterbate with a condom on. When it comes to your first test be open minded and with a possitive attitude - remember, your getting laid! Buy some WATER BASED lube if you feel you'll need it (condoms arn't great for sustained periods of sex or dry vaginas without lubrication).

    Its worth all the hustle and bustle, if she ever has to stop taking her pill or if she misses one (plus they are not 100% effective anyway) it doesn't mean a lack of sex :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol, depends. If you are with someone you love and trust i dont think it is at all. from my experience anyway
    I don't know. It'd probably be enough to make me roll over and say "fuck it"

    :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big Gay wrote:
    I don't know. It'd probably be enough to make me roll over and say "fuck it"

    :naughty:

    Why make the situation into a big deal I say. Can be tricky little bastards so whats the problem. If you can't laugh about it together then you are obviously not very confortable with each other in a sexual way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea it just takes practise. My boyfriend used to lose his erection in the time it took to put one on, and yea used to do a "royal wank" hehe, but i didnt care. Hes used to it now, and can do it pretty quickly.

    You may find going from unprotected sex to condom feels different and maybe not as good (it isnt as good for us and a few others ive talked to) but its not bad or anything, I mean, its sex! what can be bad? hehehe ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't understand whats so difficult ?

    it only takes 10 seconds at most... ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why make the situation into a big deal I say. Can be tricky little bastards so whats the problem. If you can't laugh about it together then you are obviously not very confortable with each other in a sexual way
    Do I really need to explain the joke?

    But on top of first time nerves, laughing when someone is struggling with a condom could be misinterpreted as laughing at rather than with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    z01 wrote:
    i don't understand whats so difficult ?

    it only takes 10 seconds at most... ?
    for those that are circumcised, or with foreskins that disappear when the member is erect, or are too tight to pull back; and given a suitable condom, yes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    z01 wrote:
    i don't understand whats so difficult ?

    it only takes 10 seconds at most... ?

    Thats what I thought, I can do it in that, and I'm a chick. God forbid the ones with the 5 minute times ever try to be Dr's the pts would die before they could manage to get the gloves on :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The reason it took so long with my ex was because it was my first time using one, I was nervous and it took a while to get myself hard enough to put it on properly, the whole experience was obviously too much and I ended up loosing interest.

    Going on that I assumed it would take a while again, to get and maintian an erection despite my nerves.

    Anyway.....
    I tried the "royal wank" and that seemed to work fine, was a little odd, but no problems.
    I tried using one with my girlfriend, but I just wasn't working, nerves I suppose, I managed about 3 minutes of intercourse in total.
    Tried again over the weekend and It was fine. I asked her to put it on for me, to which she said no (about the response I expected from her!!), but she did say she would "give me a hand" while I put it on. this seemed to help.

    Have done it again since and things seem to be getting better. I must say though that it's just not as good as sex without a condom. Thankfully this is only a temporary thing, and it's still better than no sex at all! :)

    btw. If my gf laughed while I was struggling to put it on, I would probably just go home.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sex is supposed to be fun. You need to be able to laugh at little mishaps, not get pissy and walk away :\
  • KimonoKimono Posts: 201 Trailblazer
    You think johnnies are passion killers? Not half as much of a passion killer as finding out you've got an STI, I'd imagine.

    :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    Sex is supposed to be fun. You need to be able to laugh at little mishaps, not get pissy and walk away :\

    You're right, sex is supposed to be fun, but my idea of fun is not being laughed at because I don't have much experience using condoms and am having trouble putting one on. If that's the other persons idea of fun, then fine I'll leave them to it and find someone else to have sex with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well god forbid somebody have a giggle. You have to learn to laugh with it and realize that they are not laughing at you. Sex isn't picture perfect. Mishaps happen. A knee in the groin, a fall off the bed, headboard concussion, a tricky condom is nothing new, ackward or worth getting your cranky pants on about.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kimono wrote:
    You think johnnies are passion killers? Not half as much of a passion killer as finding out you've got an STI, I'd imagine.

    :banghead:

    but when you're in a long term relationship where you have both been tested and the girl is taking the pill, then you have to start using a condom, it's not as much fun.

    I'm not saying there bad, and if I have to I will use them (like now for instance) but in my opinion it's just not as good.
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