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is this fair?

135

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    Soemtimes they have to learn that your old enough to think for yourself and that whilst you would like their support, it isn't a requirement.

    sometimes, and sometimes that approach would work, but i think it's a very dangerous move to jump in, all guns blazing and try the fuck-you-fuck-what-you-think-i'm-doing-it-anyway approach without exhausting all other options first.

    it does depend on your parents, they way they are, and the relationship you have with them, i'm just talking from my experiences, and from watching my mates at that age deal with overprotective parents.

    having said that, i don't necessarily think that forbidding your 16-year-old from spending a week with some older chap who lives alone is overprotective. i wouldn't have been allowed to do it, and i consider my parents to be pretty laid back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    While age isn't a measure of maturity, it's certainly an indicator, and i'm gonna stick with my view, go against the consensus, and say that you'd be best at least for now, to ccept their decision. In the long run it will gain you a whole lot more. My parents were very restrictive when i was 16, but i didn't give them any reason to not trust me, and it's much better for it now.

    It's still a long long way off, so you're best to leave it for now, and talk to them closer to the time, if they still won't budge, well that really is unfortunate, but that's the way it is. I think it's best to earn their trust and keep them on side.

    I don't know how far it is, but maybe if you could just manage to go for a day, even if it's just for a few hours they will trust you a bit more to go there and stay.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they're being pretty unreasonable but the fact that he's older and lives on his own (not to mention you said to your mother you want to go on the pill) kinda goes against you

    my parents are dead on, i can do whatever i want really, she just worries a lot so a quick phonecall to the house if im not gonna make it back etc keeps her straight and everyones happy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you say that he lives 200 miles away? thats not THAT far. could you not ask for an extended curfew first and go on one day visits leading up to the summer and then ask again?
    its too far to go just for a day tbh, its about 4 hours or more on the train
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What exactly is it that you want us to say to you?


    exactly.

    life isn't fair ballerina. you're 16 and until you move out will have to follow your mums rules. yes, perhaps she is being unfair but gwst is right; what do you want us to do...come and tell your mum she has to let you stay over? the more you nag her about it the more she's going to put her foot down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i asked for oppinions/advice
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    I'll be a young adult

    Say that to your mum while stamping your foot. A bit of a tantrum might help too :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i asked for oppinions/advice

    Which alot of people have given you. They've even suggested compromises... but you aren't willing to accept anything other than your ownway. I'm not being mean, but that doesn't prove responsibility.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    i asked for oppinions/advice


    but your mum won't budge will she?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know i've had oppinions and advice, i was answering a question
    i haven't had a tantrum with my mum, it was more like the other way round. I tried again and was calm and reasonable but she just got mad and shouted at me.
    And if you go back a page you'll see that i mentioned we're going to try and compromise.
    I get the impression that because of my age, people tend to be a bit funny with me sometimes on here?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no i don't think it's anything to do with your age in the way you think. it's to do with the way your mum treats you with regards to your age.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't say that... I'm virtually your age... I've never had that impression when I've asked advice, though obviously if people were, I've missed it.

    I think people can just understand where your mums coming from. Some mums are a lot more protective, especially when it's 200 miles away and she has no idea what's happening.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's probably something to do with the fact a lot of people on here were restricted by their parents, accepted it, and consider it the norm for people who ain't 'chavs'.

    Which is a pretty sheltered ivory-tower view imo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    It's probably something to do with the fact a lot of people on here were restricted by their parents, accepted it, and consider it the norm for people who ain't 'chavs'.

    Which is a pretty sheltered ivory-tower view imo.


    what?! i was never restricted by my parents, i never really seemed to want to do the sorts of things that they'd not approve of me doing!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does anyone reckon parents are more strict with girls? My parents let me do almost anything when i was that age yet they are proper strict with my sister.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    because of my age, people tend to be a bit funny with me sometimes on here?

    I couldn't agree more with you.

    However, I've learned in the past that it's best to leave the subject asleep. No matter how right you are, it's always the majority that gets the last word.

    I wouldn't care. If I imagine my sister, which is also 16, going to visit a boyfriend, I realise that my mother will say no immediately. Perhaps I agree with your mother that you shouldn't be going on this trip. Do you really have to go there? In my entire life, I have been really angry because I have not been permitted to do things. Now I'm used to it. Perhaps you're being spoiled? I would never be allowed to go to a girlfriend (hypothetically) over the night.

    I agree with some of the people on here, showing your mother responsibility takes years, and you have to start early.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't particularly think that ballerina comes across as being immature in anyway though. she spoke to her mum about wanting to go on the pill etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    minimi38 wrote:
    Does anyone reckon parents are more strict with girls? My parents let me do almost anything when i was that age yet they are proper strict with my sister.

    I was going to say this actually. It's harder to keep teenage boys restricted, plus girls may be seen by parents as needing more protection. Boys are far more likely to get themselves into trouble though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    I get the impression that because of my age, people tend to be a bit funny with me sometimes on here?

    You're a bit naive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    minimi38 wrote:
    Does anyone reckon parents are more strict with girls? My parents let me do almost anything when i was that age yet they are proper strict with my sister.

    Mine aren't strict, but then again, I've never asked them if I could do something like Ballerina has.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    Boys are far more likely to get themselves into trouble though.

    they are, but i think parents always assume the boys will be more likely to be able to get themselves back out.

    with girls there's the worry that they'll get themselves into a dangerous situation that they won't be able to get out of. especially if they're a tiny wee thing who couldn't overpower/outrun anyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kaffrin wrote:
    they are, but i think parents always assume the boys will be more likely to be able to get themselves back out.

    with girls there's the worry that they'll get themselves into a dangerous situation that they won't be able to get out of. especially if they're a tiny wee thing who couldn't overpower/outrun anyone.

    Agreed. But at 16, i do think that's when parental restriction should slacken considerably, if not cease completely. I think potential the long-term effects of teenage repression should outweigh parental concern.

    Parents can still keep tabs on teens and stay in the background which is the sensible balance imo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what?! i was never restricted by my parents, i never really seemed to want to do the sorts of things that they'd not approve of me doing!

    I didn't mention you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say in the meantime prove that you are responsible and ask again later on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    It's probably something to do with the fact a lot of people on here were restricted by their parents, accepted it, and consider it the norm for people who ain't 'chavs'.

    Which is a pretty sheltered ivory-tower view imo.
    Sounds like the one with the restricted view-point is you. Respecting your parents is "ivory tower"?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Respecting your parents is "ivory tower"?

    No, it isn't. Trying reading what i said and thinking about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're so small minded. Don't try and wriggle out of it on semantics. You've actually just accused anyone who respected their parents judgement, or tried to earn their respect of thinking anyone who doesn't is a chav.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    You're so small minded. Don't try and wriggle out of it on semantics. You've actually just accused anyone who respected their parents judgement, or tried to earn their respect of thinking anyone who doesn't is a chav.

    I haven't accused "everyone" at all. And i wasn't arguing semantics either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    way of topic here people!
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