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is this fair?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just asked my mum if i can go and visit my bf in the summer when my exams were over. She said no straight away and said i'm 'not old enough.' What? I'll be coming up to 17, i will be about to start my A-levels. I'll be a young adult and not allowed to go and visit my boyfriend! Why can't she give me some more freedom? She thinks im going cause i want sex. Thats not the case! I want to go and meet his family and friends and go and see places etc. I don't think its fair to stop me, its not like im irresponsible or immature. Any tips on convincing her? I just want to proove i can be responsible.
I asked what is 'old enough' and she said another year or so. She also said 'just because you're old enough doesn't mean i have to give my permission'. But i don't need permission to have sex with him! I don't fancy losing my virginity in his room, we want it to be somewhere special. So i won't be having sex. Its just not fair for him to have to keep coming up here and paying for petrol etc when i can get free rail travel to go see him!
I asked what is 'old enough' and she said another year or so. She also said 'just because you're old enough doesn't mean i have to give my permission'. But i don't need permission to have sex with him! I don't fancy losing my virginity in his room, we want it to be somewhere special. So i won't be having sex. Its just not fair for him to have to keep coming up here and paying for petrol etc when i can get free rail travel to go see him!
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My sister is 16 and her freedom is very limited.
I guess it varies from family to family.
but if it was me i'd put my foot down. its the only way to do it when your parents think you're still their little baby. when i was 17 my mum wouldn't let my boyfriend stay over so i said 'fine, i'll go stay at his then. it's legal and you can't stop me'.
depends what type of person you are
eta: you're going on the pill and now you're going to stay at your boyfriends. of course she's thinks you are going to have sex! if you are truly not going to then share that with your mum.
I'm 20, my dad told me to be back at 10 over the summer holidays, my first reaction was "what?! why?" I got no reason, but I guarentee you now I was BACK at 9:59.59. It was a one off.
I am allowed to drive halfway across the country in my dad's car without having to check in. I don't have to tell him where I'm going, and I only need a vague indication of when I'm going to be back. Because he trusts me, because I PROVED I could be trusted.
You want her trust, you do what she says, if it's really unreasonable, say you think she's being unfair, but DO IT ANYWAY. It's not about what you have the "right" to, you'll get nothing that way.
Obviously if you want to prove you're responsible then don't do anything stupid like going anyway, when she's asked you not to. That goes without saying. Perhaps you could talk to his parents, and ask them to give assurances to you mum that you'll be sleeping in separate rooms or something. My cousin's 16 and when her boyfriend stays over, he sleeps in the loft room. Could you suggest to them that you go with a few friends instead?
Forgive my ignorance, but how far away does your boyfriend live and how did you meet him if he lives so far away?
:yes:
Calmly tell your old dear where to go.
Well said. It's no point just saying "well shes 16, she should be allowed" for all we know, her mum might have personal feelings on the matter.
Ballerina, are you the oldest/youngest/middle/only child in your family? (Yeah, alot of options I know, sorry
To be honest, at 16 i don't think it's entirely unreasonable. My girlfriend is also 16, and i'm not sure that her parents would let her come and stay with me, even though i get on really well with them, and she has lots of freedom in other ways. I think it is alot to ask, even though you are obviously responsible.
i'm responsible, i can get myself places and its not like i go out drinking or sleeping about like alot of girls my age
i get good grades and im a star pupil at school
i always stick to times to be back and stuff
my parents have known him for ages, they get on well with him and really like him
it'll be the summer holidays so exams will be done and it would be a mini-holiday for myself because im working so hard
so whats the deal?
If she's so dead against you going down there, maybe see if he could come to you for a couple of nights first? Make sure you stick to all the rules, and sleep in seperate beds etc, so that she cans ee you are being responsible. Then, if she agrees obviously, you can go back to where he lives with him for a few days. Maybe if she can put her mind at rest over how you are going to act in the situation, she'll feel better?
It's worth a shot, just make sure you ask calmly
I was thinking the same thing.