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Insults

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
would anyone put up with their partner insulting them frequently? or at all? (e.g. bf calling his gf stupid or a bitch or a slut... etc...)

and what would u do about it?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MzInnocent wrote:
    would anyone put up with their partner insulting them frequently? or at all? (e.g. bf calling his gf stupid or a bitch or a slut... etc...)

    and what would u do about it?

    I wouldn't put up with it at all. I'd ditch him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wouldnt let anyone do that to me again! my first b.f did it, used to call me ugly+worthless, and to be hoenst deep down, i think i stll believe him!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well it depends how bad it is and the situation.

    After during an argument people can insult more than usual just due to the fact that they are angry it doesn't mean they have no respect for you.

    Also if it is constantly and for no real reason, I would say there is a lost of respect there...

    I would probably let it pass few time to start with, but I wouldn't let it continue too long, it is a lost of respect.

    I say let him know you don't like it and that you want him to stop, if he can't do the effort, which is not big, well maybe you should reconsider your relationship. At the end I don't think no-one like a relationship where your partner insult you all the time... Unless it is a fetish obviously...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When my boyfriend's acting thick I tell him to stop it, if he's being nasty I call him a dickhead. I swear like a sailor at the best of times but coz I love 'im I need to get the anger sorted. He's the most laid back man in the world, I think that's why we work so well. When I get into fights, he just sends me a text saying, "
    "look at ya, u little nerdy worm gettin all worked up. I'm going to Ed/John's for a few beers so you sort out your nasty little temper. Love u egg" :blush:
    Makes me feel like an eegit n then I realise I'm the one that has been stupid and lost it by shouting and name calling.

    My ex and I would constantly verbally abuse each other, I think this is why I'm so aggressive with men I meet. It's not healthy.

    By the way, to the orignial poster, if he's doing this on a regular basis, calling you bitch/whore etc then tell him to sort it out or you'll walk. Sounds like he's being a prick on purpose, without provokation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I couldn't put up with a boyfriend calling me names like that and insulting me. I suppose everyone's different and it might not bother others as much. My boyfriend has never called me a name like that in all the time we've been together (well, not to my face anyway!).

    If I had a boyfriend that did that constantly I would have to end things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it is malicious, you ditch them!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend says things jokingly and sometimes is does get to me but he doesn't mean any of it, if he means it seriously though and keeps calling you it all the time then i wouldnt put up with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :no: i wouldn't put up with it no
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't. My ex (who I had no end of problems with) was a nightmare for that. Trouble was, he was older and 'wiser' in my daft little 14 year old eyes (even though he was onnly 16 :rolleyes:) so I thought he was right. Luckily (a year later, even though we'd broken up long before that!) I clocked on that he was a total prat.

    My current boyfriend will say things jokingly, but he'd never go further than that. You need to question a lads respect for you if thats how he treats you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I put up with that for 2 years. He used to call me horrible things "Stupid", "Blonde", "Thick", and "Bitch" etc.

    He did it in jest, but it really pissed me off. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no, i wouldn't.

    i remember he did call me a bitch once about 3 years ago and i was so shocked i cried. he's not done it since.

    we call each other names jokingly quite often, but if he ever properly insulted me we would fall out big stylee.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Do you deserve it? Er no

    Is it causing you pain? Probably yes, especially if it is often and serious.

    So should you put up with it or just hope that it stops? The answer is a resounding no.

    As has already been said, relationships are about respecting each other and seeing each other as mutually important. Verbally insulting someone suggests the opposite.

    Anyone who is experiencing this might want to challenge their partner if they haven't already and make it clear that you refuse to tolerate the insults. Sometimes this is all that it takes. On the other hand, they may respond by saying they are only joking and carry on, but if you make it clear to them it is upsetting you, then if they really care about you they will try their best to stop. Worst case scenario is that they descend into further insults and other unacceptable behaviours. If this is the case then there is help out there and you should never feel that there is no alternative to the relationship you are in.

    This may all sound very serious-but I'm just trying to get across the point that verbal insults are a form of bullying and have the potential to do serious damage.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MzInnocent wrote:
    would anyone put up with their partner insulting them frequently? or at all? (e.g. bf calling his gf stupid or a bitch or a slut... etc...)

    and what would u do about it?

    suppose it depends whether you are combining it with S&M or other wierd consentually-'abusive' sex play or not. :p

    seriously though... dump the bastard; if he is doing that all the time for no reason, its just emotional abuse and you should not tolerate it imo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You shouldnt let anyone speak to you like that, do you know what it can do to a persons head? You get the person talking to you that way and tell them your sick of being a verbal punchbag and to pack it in. If they dont, they dont deserve you, time to ditch em probably. You dont treat loved ones like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldnt ever tolerate such behavior. or at least Id hope that I wouldnt.

    that's what i used to say... then put up with it for 9months too long... maybe i should be grateful we broke up lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He calls me stuff daily but like, in jest most. Still hurts like a bitch tho.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if it is ment to be insulting id chuck him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if i knew he meant it then no, i wouldn't put up with it. noone deserves to be spoken to like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    to the people who's boyfriends insult them.. do they also compliment you aswell? and call you honey, beautiful, babe etc?

    i don't understand how anyone could put up with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't get why any girl would put up with a boyfriend who calls them horrible names
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i can imagine that the guys who insult their girlfriends are also the ones who are quite jealous and posessive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but i guess after so long you start believing it yourself and thinking you deserve to be spoken to in that way. god forbid if i ever get myself into a relationship like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but i guess after so long you start believing it yourself and thinking you deserve to be spoken to in that way. god forbid if i ever get myself into a relationship like that.
    i think the girl would have to have low self esteem to let it carry on though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i think the girl would have to have low self esteem to let it carry on though.

    yeh i can't see myself putting up with it but then i'm quite highly strung and would say something back. i guess if you didn't have the confidence, you wouldn't be able to think 'i can do better than this'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think people put up with most things while theyre in love, and its only when thebad behaviour finally removes that love, that the person leaves.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend refers to me as evil on a regular basis, but there's nothing malicious there, just silliness.

    On a more worrying level, I've heard both his brothers say outrageous things to their fiancees. His older brother often semi-jokingly tells his girlfriend that she is stupid, or is fat and needs to lose weight (she doesn't - I reckon she must only be a size 12), and whilst she can give as good as she gets, it can't be healthy. Similarly his younger brother used to constantly make little digs at his fiancee, just because she isn't the straight As at A-level Wunderkind that he is, and it would get to the point when she wouldn't like to answer questions in trivial pursuit or whatever for fear of sounded stupid. And what's worse is that she's actually 3 years older, so when he was teasing her for not being the sharpest knife in the box, she was coming up to finishing her degree course, whilst he was just an arrogant little schoolboy! But he's stopped doing that now, finally grown up a bit, which I'm so glad about, because I used to get worried about her: if you're always told you're thick, you're gonna start believing it, and she didn't have a huge amount of confidence in the first place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually make a joke of it. Sometimes truth is best told in jest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    to the people who's boyfriends insult them.. do they also compliment you aswell? and call you honey, beautiful, babe etc?

    they sure do. its like goin out with a person that has split personality.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MzInnocent wrote:
    would anyone put up with their partner insulting them frequently? or at all? (e.g. bf calling his gf stupid or a bitch or a slut... etc...)

    and what would u do about it?
    Npe, I'd give it them back...

    Unless of course I was called a dirty slutt in bed ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    i can imagine that the guys who insult their girlfriends are also the ones who are quite jealous and posessive.

    Why do you say that?
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