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I think people should see a great film called "Chasing Amy", written and directed by Kevin Smith, starring Ben Affleck and Jason Lee. Its a funny and beautiful film that shows how sex can ruin a relationship where people are perfect for each other.
I'll be honest. I like sex, I want sex, sex also interests me but I don't think it can beat love and I don't think its as important as love, and I'd rather have true love then all the sex in the world.
I don't think i'd ever have sex if i wasnt in love with the person.
But a choice between the two. Tricky. I'd happily give up wanting sex in return for guaranteed mutual love, if either were possible, but neither is. I don't think I would give up the capacity to love in exchange for guaranteed sex. Does this suggest I value love over sex?
If I were in a closed relationship, I would have ended it in the last three months so I was free to have sex. This would have been incredibly painful - I was considering suicide as the break-up method. (Fortunately, I realised that being in an open realtionship meant I could have sex with other people too). So you might argue that I consider sex to be more important than love.
On the other hand I expect I would give up having sex for love - even expecting to keep to it, despite now knowing I couldn't. I'm sure you'll consider this logic crazy, but love defies logic
Love for me over sex.
more opinions please.
So yes more comments would be fab - especially if it means you two stop provoking each other in a negative way
Of course I haven't experienced either, so my opinion is purely based on observation. That and I'm not a very mawkish person.
Agreed...as without sex, you should also still have love. Love is the best feeling in the world. don't get me wrong, sex is pretty damn amazing as well...but so much better when love is involved :yes:
You're talking sense although i don't like Chasing Amy. Pretty bleak film from what i remember...never thought Kevin Smith's attempt at the serious was as insightful as he seems to think.
I think love can exist in a sexual sense, where you're drawn to someone instinctively just by their looks and think they can do no wrong as a result, which is different from love in an emotional, personal sense which is more "virtuous".
Love and lust are two sides of the same coin - combine both and you're onto a winner.
true on th elove sex thing. There are also those relationships that are pure sex, I mean they couples hate each other and can't do normal things but have crazy hard compatible sex. They are interesting as they can bring great pleasure but great pain as well.
I'd love to find a girl I truely love and who truely loves me, and together have great sex lol.
However, in the interest of being constructive; for those that think hollywood is a good source of information, I recommend "Kinsey (Lets talk about sex)" which shows how different people can react to sex outside of the loving relationship - and also restates the observation "in general, when it comes to sex, people believe what they do is normal; and everyone else does, or should do the same"
so what are you actually saying? That love doesn't matter if you can get great sex somewhere else?
Take this example. You are with somone you love and have been with for a long time maybe. You are great together and the sex is good, but you get the chance to have sex with someone else, fufgil a fantasy, some1 who will be wilder then your girl would ever be, some1 famous maybe.
do you cheat on them and have the great sex or stay true to your love.
what wins, sex or love?
my answer would definitely be Love, but true love without making love would be painful, although id still rather have true love without sex, than a lifetime of sex without ever loving someone.
I indeed know nothing of the film, but you'd have to be pretty naive to see a film and say "life's like that"
If you ever thought I was saying love didn't matter to me you are clearly a moron. As you either haven't bothered to read what I've written, or failed to understand it, I see little point in continuing a dialog with you.
My upbringing tells me it is more socially acceptable to choose the former, but I know 4 years without sex is about all I can take, so I'll go with the latter
Now that's bollocks, you can't accidentally have an affair. You have to make a conscious decision to do it, even if that decision is influenced by drink or drugs. No person is ruled by their cock or fanny alone.
When people say they "can't help it", generally it means they are either terrified of commitment, or their relationship is going through a bad spell. But they can help it, they simply choose not to.
People can, on the other hand, separate love from sex. As I've said, people cheat, and they can't all be heartless bastards. Generally people cheat when they either are terrified of commitment, the relationship is having a bad patch, or they're having a mid-life crisis and they want to see if they've still got it. Certainly in the latter category you can love your partner whilst still sleeping with a person 20 years their junior.
It simply isn't as cut and dried as saying that if you cheat you hate your partner. People are more complex than that. You can help cheating, and it is always unforgivable, but you can love someone and still sleep with their sister or friend.
And no, you cannot be lovers and not have sex. Sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. A lack of sex for no reason can, and does, kill a lot of relationships. If your partner gets paralysed from the neck down that is different, but a lot of people would still need to get sex elsewhere. A good example is when Nigella Lawson's husband died of cancer- whilst he was dying, he allowed her to go and have sex with other people because she couldn't have sex with him. A shame she chose a married man, but hey ho.
You claim you choose love bu tthen in line sfurther down your saying you couldn't go 4 year swithout sex, and saying you would choose to cheta an dmake out its some win-win situation.
Its a simple question. Would you cheat on some one you love? I think from your answers you would. If that is not the case then please say so.
I don't think film is real life but conisdering Kevin Smith worte the film based on his own experiences and having THAT conversation and people he knows having THAT conversation (see the film an dyou will know what that conversation is) then I do give it a lot of credit.
oh rainbow brite- I didn't know it wa sLiza Menilli"!!! wow, I wouldn't have gone with her either. but thats a personal thing, not attracted to her at all.
I'm glad people here are choosing love, it gives some hope.
(carriage correct me if im wrong
i think this question is balls tbh.
There, isn't life cosy.
That is becoming pretty obvious... I don't consider your phrasing civilised, and I see no reason to extend you any civility either. The answer to your question "both, or neither" was perfectly predictable from my earlier discourse. to you
read more carefully: I said given the choice, I would choose love, discarding wanting to have sex.
exactly - it isn't possible to choose to not want to have sex.
What was most galling was realising my increasing frustration had caused a degree of unhappiness to the one I love.
read more carefully: I said I wouldn't cheat (would you cheat? no), but that I would have sex with my partners consent. which it is
I would not - and it is just this insulting approach you have maintained that has infuriated me.. I would end the relationship before cheating - (or shamefully just after cheating. - I hope the former). I believe trust is the most important thing in a relationship.
I will also remind you I'm more virtuous in my love than you are in yours - you have admitted you would look, I have said in a monogamous relationship I would not.
Based on. Fictionalised. Irrelevant.
A calm and clear response, instead of a splurge of rage.
How can I learn to be as cool as you?
ETA: but having spent 2 hours fuming while writing it, I'm not gonna undo the theraputic benefits by deleting it.
I don't see anything wrong with open relationships if both parties are willing ... one man's definition of love and loving relationships will not be the same as anothers.
I couldn't choose to give up love or sex. A month without sex feels like an eternity to me, let alone a life time. And while I like one night stands/having sex with different girls I can give that up for one girl.
It depends on how long you've been with someone. Say 5 years with someone and 3/4 years with no sex or only sex has been had 2/3 times in that time then your gonna get bored and look else where.