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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
About 5 months ago I met a girl online (in a chat site) and exchanged numbers, something she said she normally didn't normally do. We started to txt each other daily and before long grew quite attached, sharing our thoughts and opening up more to each other..
However, all along it's seem like I have been "pushing" things. For instance, last November I thought that calling each other would be a good idea.. She seemed very shy about this idea and quite literally accidently starting speaking after she called one night drunk! Speaking on the phone seemed to accelerate our affection towards each other and we've talked most nights since her 1st call..
We've said a lot to each other, what we'd like to do together and have many plans. More than just friends plans, naughty phone calls and naughty mms pics between each other..
Now, I feel it's quite a natural point to consider meeting. Obviously I don't want to just stay talking on the phone/txting forever and I'm quite excited by the prospect of meeting up! She seems to dangle the ideas of meeting infront of me (saying stuff like "everyone is out, I wish you were here with me") but when I actually suggest something she gives me a whole bunch of excuses. Actually she turns everything back at me, saying I push her too much! If says these things to me, how come she has no intentions of following thru with her/our plans?
Some of her excuses are that she is shy and scared that I will be disappointed when I see her. If she likes me so much surely these are weak excuses OR maybe these are really big problems she genuinely finds hard to overcome?
...I don't want to seem desperate or moaning. I quite like my life at the moment just we do get on well and it would be a shame not to do the right thing.
However, all along it's seem like I have been "pushing" things. For instance, last November I thought that calling each other would be a good idea.. She seemed very shy about this idea and quite literally accidently starting speaking after she called one night drunk! Speaking on the phone seemed to accelerate our affection towards each other and we've talked most nights since her 1st call..
We've said a lot to each other, what we'd like to do together and have many plans. More than just friends plans, naughty phone calls and naughty mms pics between each other..
Now, I feel it's quite a natural point to consider meeting. Obviously I don't want to just stay talking on the phone/txting forever and I'm quite excited by the prospect of meeting up! She seems to dangle the ideas of meeting infront of me (saying stuff like "everyone is out, I wish you were here with me") but when I actually suggest something she gives me a whole bunch of excuses. Actually she turns everything back at me, saying I push her too much! If says these things to me, how come she has no intentions of following thru with her/our plans?
Some of her excuses are that she is shy and scared that I will be disappointed when I see her. If she likes me so much surely these are weak excuses OR maybe these are really big problems she genuinely finds hard to overcome?
...I don't want to seem desperate or moaning. I quite like my life at the moment just we do get on well and it would be a shame not to do the right thing.
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maybe she's just happy with the way things are between you and doesnt want to risk spoiling it if it doesnt work out when u meet up?
he always says how much he wants me round when he is home alone or wants to see me but when it comes to it and i suggest a date then he says no - its seriously annoying. He is my ex and im seriously in love with him. anyway lets not go there....
I think u should talk to her straight about it and see what she says. Does she live very far from you?
Jenni
Jenni, in your case, if this guy is your ex don't you think he doesn't want to give you the wrong ideas by going out on an actual date?
Part of me feels mess around but another part of me thinks that things aren't so easy meeting some you "know" (well, technically strangers I guess). I can understand what you say Sugar but what is the point (for her) in finding a guy just to be phone/txt pal?
Is that possible? the only way to be sure is with webcam conversations
I just think she probably has a load of boys on the line in real life. I don't want to be harsh, but move on, Internet relationships rarely work. And usually, most have real "boyfriends" in real life.
And the usual reply when I ask if she wants to meet up is "you might find me ugly", "I can't today/tomorrow/nextweek, etc, I'm going out" it just drags on.
I kinda agree with you about Internet relationships but some have been very successful for me in the past (and it seems like the way to meet people now).
I don't wanna appear like I am whining on about every little detail as I said earlier I like my life.. Although I like this girl her unwillingness to meet stops me from any exclusivity with her. What makes me curious is why she acts like she does..
Your thoughts make me wonder tho, I think she genuinely is single... who could get away with sending 20+ txts a day and calling for an hour at night without their fella noticing, possible? However, I think she would forget about me in a heartbeat if the right guy tried it on with her... Especially if she knew him already, avoiding this embarrassment (or rejection?) she fears of meeting a stranger.
You've hit the nail on the head, the problem is her meeting someone in "real life" as we called it. I've encountered that problem many times before "we don't talk for a few days they suddenly I get an email saying "I'm sorry, Sam,... I've got a boyfreind or some bullshit like that". So her boyfriend lasted about a month and a half and she didn't speak to me much at all, but when she ended with her boyfriend, she went straight back to me.
I've met up with these girls from the Internet in the past, and sometimes you've gotta be firm with them "[insert name here], do you wanna meet me or should we just forget it?"
nowts going on between us and we are just mates, but the only reason it worked out to meet up is cause about an hour before we did, i said hey lets meet up
both of us had plenty of excuses in the months before hand, because we were genuinely busy and the sorts
so it might seem like shes deliberately putting you off, but it could easily be the other case as well, that she is telling the truth
are they plans by both of you, cause it could be dangerous to make big plans like that, which may actually intimidate her a little, if for example, you havnt even met up in person yet
I have been in a situation where i really liked a guy over the internet and he wanted to meet up. I really reallly liked him :hyper: and would have loved to meet him in 'real life' but i was scared - scared that what seemed so wonderful would turn out not to be; scared that I wouldnt live up to his expectations; scared that he wouldnt live up to my image of him; and just plain scared of meeting up with someone who is really a stranger who I met over the internet (there are enough horror stories about that :eek: )
maybe you could try talking to her more about what is worrying her about it and trying to reassure her?
good luck!!
I can understand that sometimes circumstances could cause problems for meeting. I completely put the idea of meeting "on pause" over Christmas, as we'd both travelled back home (from our universities) and there was some considerable distance to travel for just a short meeting.
Ah, something I hadn't really considered, I'd have to say that I've been quite pushy with some of these things but she appears to have liked (a lot) and actually it's made her more brave (opening up more). I agree with Burninginme when he says you should be firm, it seems to slowly move things along but she seems to be totally stubborn about meeting.
When I first started thinking about all of this, intuitatively my reaction was that she liked keeping me at distance to be "safe". Safe could mean many things; avoid being hurt, rejected or even used just for sex (like what MrG suggested above - althought I thought we had more than just naughty stuff).
i am in the EXACT same position cept im a girl and he's a guy....waow!! i dunno what to do with this...if you find a solution do PM me
If you're a uni student as you mentioned in another post, why are you bothering with this girl? There must be tonnes of girls at uni. I think the problem with meeting people from the internet is that you build up a perception of this 'girl/guy' and you almost create this person in your head, making them perfect. You think this person is perfect for you, but in real life they're just another 'somebody'. When you meet people from online, you can seem to open up your feelings a lot more than meeting someone in person. I bet if you look there will be loads of great girls at uni you probably connect with in the same way, but will just take more time. I think you will be