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Abortion

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just wondering where I stand on this really.

I know you can have it at up to 3 months but what happens basically?

Im pregnant and have always been anti abortion although im getting alot of pressure from my boyfriend and a couple of mates that thats the way to go.

Any advice is appreciated.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are two methods: medical and surgical. A medical termination of pregnancy (TOP) involves two visits to hospital where you are given some pills to induce the expulsion of the fetus; a surgical abortion (sTOP) is obviously more invasive and involves a short operation during which you are put to sleep and they are generally used for abortions for older fetuses.

    Have a look at the fpa website and others for more information, and don't forget to arrange an appointment with your GP if you want medical advice on the procedure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not quite what you were asking, but don't be forced into a decision you don't want to do by boyfriends or friends. You should stick with your gut instinct really.

    Why are you against abortion?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't get pushed into it. Kentish seems to have covered all the technical stuff. So on an emotional level, don't get pushed into it, not if it's not what you want to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do not have an abortion. There will be many people who will try to push you into it so just go with your gut instinct, and think of the child.

    What child?

    Fuck off Born Stupid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I ask why you are getting a lot of pressure from you boyfriend and friends, it is due to your age, as you are not quite 16 yet. Personally i would read the information that Kentish has mentioned and take a look at other site too. You can never have enough information. But at the end of the day it is your body, life and choice.

    Do your parents know? They might be able to help you and they may be more understanding then you think. Good luck with what ever you decide, remember you will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ---
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    What child?

    Fuck off Born Stupid.


    I agree, it is a decision that is only hers to make.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have pm'd you.

    it is your choice. if you do go through with it you may need alot of emotional support afterwards, depending how you feel about it all. some women are ok about it all, some aren't.

    www.afterabortion.com have some good discussion boards for support and stuff, and you can always pm tink or glittery vodka if you decide to continue with the pregnancy and want some advice/experiences of motherhood , they both have had babies recently, and tink is also a teen mum.

    whatever you decide to do, there are people here who have had similar experiences and can help you if you need to talk.

    take care xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you dont want an abortion, then DONT have one. Seriously, its one of those decisions that YOU have to be sure about or it can mess with your head for a long time.
    I had one and I was fine, but I wanted it. You need to be sure its what YOU want, no matter what your age, or what your boyfriend says.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Believe me, if you let someone else make a choice for you, a choice that you don't really want to make, then you'll be at greater risk of regretting it, and having much more trouble coming to terms with it.

    An abortion is something you need to be 100% sure about, and having other people put pressure on you certainly doesn't help the decision making process, especially if your beliefs were against it in the first place.

    Just wanted to add that afterabortion.com does have good forums, but unless they've changed, they're mainly for people who are dealing with post-abortion issues. But I'd really recommend you look at the Coerced Abortion forum, and hope that you see the harm it can do to make a choice that isn't what you really want.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In answer to Kermit I am against abortion because my mum was adopted and then also struggled to concieve me and my brother. I have always seen any child as a blessing that the mother and father should appreciate and I stand by that. To me its killing an innocent life and I cant bear the thought of that personally.

    My boyfriend is 17 and isnt ready to face having a child, I guess im more we will manage and cope but he is adament we cant do it, not together at least. My friends all see it as im 15 (nearly 16) and I shouldnt be havng a child at this age no matter what.

    Im going to see a doctor this week. My mum has a long history of miscarriages and I want to find out if im at risk which she was told when she had me.

    At the end of the day if I keep this baby it looks like il be on my own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to reitterate what most people have already said: Dont be pushed into this by anyone, parents, friends, boyfriend, anyone. It is you that has to live with the decision for the rest of your life, no matter what your boyfriend says. Trust me, Ive just had the conversation a couple of months ago with my girlfriend, and I was selfish at first and said that if she decided to abort it, I should have a say as it is my kid too... not so. It has to be your decision, all yours. Thankfully though, we are happy and can't wait till july (two days after my birthday apparently) for our baby to pop out :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If its not what you want, dont do it.
    They shouldnt be trying to make you do what they think is best.
    its not at all fair.
    You just need to be 100% sure of what you decide.
    I hope u manage to find the best plan for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i pm'd you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks to those who have PM'd me with support and advice I really appreciate them.

    Ive looked on the FPA website and realise it could be like a couple of weeks before the actual abortion is done. I have a doctors appointment tomurow.

    In some ways I wish it could be sooner because I dont want to get too attached if you get me...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ---
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Too attached to what exactly?
    the pregnancy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Too attached to what exactly?

    you clearly have no idea what its like to be pregnant
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    are you getting an abortion then? i'm same age as you (i turned 16 the other week) and at this age it probably is the best option. Thats my personal oppinion anyway because i know 3 girls in my year all got pregnant in the summer and just before and have missed out on their GCSEs because they didn't come back to school for their final year.
    And take no notice of born slippy, he posts bollocks most of the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    are you getting an abortion then? i'm same age as you (i turned 16 the other week) and at this age it probably is the best option. Thats my personal oppinion anyway because i know 3 girls in my year all got pregnant in the summer and just before and have missed out on their GCSEs because they didn't come back to school for their final year.
    And take no notice of born slippy, he posts bollocks most of the time.

    you have just pointed out why it is best because they missed their final year of school, what about how it will effect her if she has an abortion when thats clearly not what she wants? Its not as simple as that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sugar wrote:
    you have just pointed out why it is best because they missed their final year of school, what about how it will effect her if she has an abortion when thats clearly not what she wants? Its not as simple as that.
    i'm just pointing out that at 15/16 its usually not a good idea, due to money situations, education, wether or not the father hangs around, family. you can't reverse having a baby...adoption is probably even more difficult after you've actually carried it for 9 months and given birth and seen it. But theres always a chance at kids later in life when you're probably more able and prepared for it. It's just that from pretty much all teen mums i've spoken to, they say that being a mum is wonderful, but they wish they'd had it later in life.
    You're still number 1 though. If you want it - have it. But make sure you prepare yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My friend was a simular situation as Ballerina mentioned and she decided it would be best to have an abortion and so did her boyfriend who was about 21, who said he loved her etc... she decided that she was not ready and would not be able to chope with bring up the baby even with help from her parents, as her mum had her first at 18. Plus she wanted to take her GCSE's and go to college and uni to become a vet.

    Her spineless boyfriend decided to bump her within weeks of her having the abortion, as he no longer loved her and it had nothing to do with the abortion. I had a feeling, which I did not tell me friend that he saw her as someone just to have fun with and once it got serious (baby on the way, he just wanted to get out of there) so when she said she wanted to get an abortion he helped her set it up and then with the baby problem sorted he would not feel so guilty about bumping her.

    But I would just like to point out that while I supported my friend thourgh her decision, as she was happy that it was the right thing to do for her, it does not mean that it is the right choice for you. By all means go and speak to you doctor and get advice from them on abortion, but you really have to think is this the right choice for YOU no one else JUST YOU.

    Not your boyfriend, your friends, parents or any of us on here BUT FOR YOU.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I fully understand about my gcse's and I have a friend in the year above me who was in the same situation and like me wasnt going to be having the baby during GCSE's If i carry mine through that means i will give birth in september. Im home schooled anyway and only go in for exams for which I am in a seperate room. It will of course be a distraction but I can safely do my exams and be pregnant I think.

    I dont think im ever going to be sure weather I want to have an abortion or keep it but they do say make the desicion sooner rather tahn later. Thats what im doing I guess. I think also on here im able to get gals/womens points of view. All the mates that know are all male. And dont really see what women do I guess you could say...

    Thanks for the support guys you are all being ace!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats what we are here for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little_one wrote:
    Thats what we are here for.

    ^^^^^
    what she said :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think im ever going to be sure weather I want to have an abortion or keep it but they do say make the desicion sooner rather tahn later. Thats what im doing I guess. I think also on here im able to get gals/womens points of view. All the mates that know are all male. And dont really see what women do I guess you could say...

    But if you're unsure, it's better to make a decision in haste rather in speed. Surgical abortion procedures don't change until about 14 weeks (where a D&E would be required, and tablets would need to be taken to 'soften' the cervix) so isn't it better to put aside a week or so just to go over your options so you really want to know what to do? I'm not saying wait until 24 weeks, but you do have time if you need it, and I think in making the right choice, it's vital - especially if you're having pressure from outside people.

    Trust me, I see a lot of women who are terminating because it's what their partners want, and not what they want, but at the time, they insist that they're making the right choice and want it over and done with, or they don't/can't speak up, so we can't help them. If you look at stories of women who have terminated, the ones who had negative experiences are the ones who somewhere along the lines would say, "I never really wanted it, my partner/parents/friends convinced me it was the best thing to do." etc.

    The majority of women who come through the clinic will be able to get on with their lives - because they were sure of their decision, and the decision was theirs.

    Abortion or not, I really think you should have some counselling (I know both providers have compulsary counselling for under 16s) and it's also worth looking at this website... Pregnancy Options I can't rate it enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Many thanks for the pregnancy options website go_away. That really helped me out last night so thanks.

    I had my doctors appointment this morning and not really good news, well I dont know I cant work out if its good or bad.

    Basically because of the family history the doctor says there is no way I will carry this pregnancy and will miscarriage at some point. She reckons it could be any time between now and the middle of march but I will lose the baby, theres no way I will carry it to full term according to her. Ive basically been told that I either have to go through a miscarriage and let it happen naturally which she says will be better for my body or have an abortion. I really dont know what to think. Does anyone think it might be an idea for me to get a second opinion on this?

    Cheers guys.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't mind me asking, what's the family history regarding miscarriages? Being the person I am, I'd always get a second opinion. If it'll happen, it'll happen, it's up to you. Don't feel you have to abort out of obligation, however, that's not necessarily better for you either. Also, have they checked via ultrasound if the pregnancy is viable anyway?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The doctor felt my stomach and examined me and such and has said that my cervix isnt strong enough and shows that I will misscarriage at some point. The family history is that my mum experienced tons of miscarriages before being successful with me and then with my brother was meant to have twins but lost one during pregnancy. We only have a vauge idea of what happened her side of the family before then as she is adopted but as far as she has found out throughout her family there have been miscarriages. I dont know full detaisl though.

    Im really considering a second opinion but cant really go to the same practice because i dont want to seem unaprreciative of the advice already if you get me...
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