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You can separate sex from emotional attachment very easily. You can love someone and still want to have sex with other people.
I would choose love over sex. Love is more special and more important. Obviously, sex with someone you love is the ultimate, but then how much empthaise is placed on sex today? I mean they say you have to be sexually compatible with your partner and they must turn you on and achive it all for you everytime. What if your with some1 and they are great in every respect but are lacking in the sex department? What if they couldn't have sex? would you leave them for someone else?
What got me about some of these confessions is how brazen they were and how little feeling they had for the other person.
Example on one I have read, was from this woman, she was on her honeymoon with her husband and he fell ill, so he couldn't do much besides stay in the hotel and his room. So she went out, went to a beach and that was all ok. Then she saw these guys eyeing her up, so she decided to give them a show, took her top off, then these guys came over and were talking to her, then feeling her up and then she had sex with these guys on the beach. She then got a couple of their numbers or address and meet up with a few of them during the honeymoon to have sex again, even in the hotel where she was staying.
Now you'd think she loved her husband enough that she had just married him and was on their honeymoon! Yet he gets laid out and first chance she gets she is screwing other guys.
That isn't love? But I 'll bet she said "I love you" to her husband.
That gets me. That people can do that and be like that.
oh and before anyone says it, I wasn't singling out women, its just that story really got me, being they were newlyweds and all. Guys are just as capable of cheating.
I might agree that great sex with someone you love is the ultimate, but I wouldn't want to swear to it.
and lipsy, I think thats pretty shocking.
You can love someone totally, and still cheat on them. Don't be so naive as to think you can't.
People who are still in the honeymoon stage won't, but if the sex dries up, or becomes predictable, then the temptation to stray becomes larger. It doesn't mean that they don't love their partner, it means they want some exciting sex again. You can very easily separate the physical from any emotional attachment, sex is not all about emotional commitment, and it never was.
Confessions in magazines and in books are quite often made up, simply to titillate the reader. Of course some people do it, but don't be so naive as to think that a lot of them are not fabricated- especially the ones in lads mags, which are designed to arouse, nothing else.
You cannot have a relationship without sex. You can be very close friends, and get on with each other wonderfully, but without sex you do not have a relationship as lovers. Fact. For some people it's not a huge issue, and they don't go elsewhere for sex, but for some people it is a huge issue, and they do go elsewhere for sex.
A relationship without sex is simply a friendship.
Sex in a solid loving relationship is often better than non-committed sex, but don't be so daft as to say that a one-night stand can't be a huge amount of fun. The sex can, and quite often is, absolutely fantastic, very thrilling and new and exciting. If you have the thrill and also the intimacy then that's the ultimate, but sometimes the sex in a long relationship can get stale.
how could one lose their viginity with somerone they love, if not? Or do we argue that wet kisses are "enough sex" for love to occur? - but if so what of pen-pals who fall in love? How long can you go withour sex before your relationship revers to a friendship? I really don't know about this. I don't think I could.
Yes, but that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you cannot be lovers without being in a sexual relationship with each other. It isn't the only thing that makes a couple lovers- you can't be lovers without friendship, either- but you can't be lovers without sex.
I don't think people who don't ever see each other are lovers. You can't be lovers down a phone line. They can be infatuated, but they're not lovers.
I don't think I could cheat either, but that doesn't make it impossible. Which is all I'm saying. People cheat, and they can't all hate their partners and want to kill the relationship.
Love is meant to be between 2 people. Bring others in and it messes up the equasion. It goes hand in hand with fidelity.
I am not saying a one off shag can't be the greatest shag of your life. Or maybe for some people endless sex partners isn't the ultimate for them but I can't imagine anything in this world beating a loving relationship, a totally commiteed partnership of love, and sex in that must be good, though I doubt is the best part.
And thats what I am getting at, how important sex is. Is it that importnat or is it just made out to be. I mean what if your wife was raped and she wa sinjured int he attack, phsyically or psychologically and she couldn't have sex any more. Would you fuck people behind her back? Or dump her so you could shag other people? I mean how important is it you? I think if I found my one I'd stay with her come what may but I am not a person that can see into the future and anything is possible so I am not saying anything is impossible or certain but I just don't get how someone on their weding day or honeymoon can cheat on their partner or sleep with one of thier partners parents or something like that.
Maybe they dont hate their partners but they can't be in love with them or even love them if they do something like that.
One example of love I heard is something that happened to Jonathan Ross. You may say its not true but I reckon it is. Anyway, he interviewd this female celebrity he had fnacied for ages, really hot and that. After the interview, she invited him to her hotel room for obviously sex. He told his wife this and she said maybe he should go since its a fmaous perosn he fancied for ages, one off opportunity. And he said no and didn't do it, he didn't want to do it. He had permission from his wife to have sex with his celevrity crush and he didn't do it. Thats impressive.
:eek2:
In my opinion it's absurd to say you could love someone and have an affair/one night stand. Some people might be able to convince themselves otherwise (or indeed genuinely feel otherwise), but I feel like respect is such a colossal part of love...and I don't think it's debatable that you could cheat on someone and still be showing respect for them.
what is love anyway?
That's very true, I admit I wasn't thinking in the context of open relationships and similar.
I mean I gues syou can be in a marriage an dit be emotional over and then you have an affair. I guess thats more understandable but still, if its so bad then get a divorce.
I don't think love is a fairytale and I don't think its that hard to stay faithful. Its abou temotion and self control. We all want a bit of money, a feel of the person we are attracted to and to smack around those that annoy the hell out of us but we don't. We are civilised. It takes self control. If you really love someone you don't want to be with some1 else, even if its just for sex as they say. You can look, thats fair, but having sex or becoming emotionally invloved with someone else is cheating and I don't like it at all. I thinbk those that say they can never be faithful are very selfish indeed.
and ive never cheated, but then i have never had sex.....
Are you saying I don't love my partner? why is it? If anything looking is more of a betrayal than doing. If my partner expected fidelity, I wouldn't look. Then don't do it, and don't allow your partner to do it. Sorted. Just don't try to apply your fucked up I thinking to those who don't want it. Or honest.
Are you really saying I should choose between never having sex again, bringing unnecessary sadness to myself and, consequently my partner; or splitting up so I can be single, bringing unhapinness to myself and my partner Or perhaps I should take the third way, and take my "rights" no matter how much damage and pain this would cause.
:yes:
Some people can't help cheating..
if my partner was to do something like that i wouldn't want to be with her, and she knows that .. im sure some people are the same .. but i think its in no way jusitifable
although it can be very difficult, i wouldn't do it
I agree completely. Being in a relationship with similar terms of having no love or sex or anything for 17 years, Ive never been happier. I brought my bf out of a depression by being with him and he tells me im the best thing thats ever happened to him and hes so lucky. The feeling is mutual. I could never cheat, i believe its wrong and think people who do it are hurting, not only other people, but themselves in the long run. Once you start its hard to stop. At least break up with the person if you wanna be with someone else, and if its about the sex, do something about your current sex life to make it better!
My friend has cheated on all her boyfriends, i think she enjoys it though, which sickens me. Shes going to end up so screwed up.
Totally agree. Both me and my boyfriend have seen our parents' marriages collapse through cheating and it all seems so uneccessary (the cheating, not the marriages collapsing necessarily...). I suppose that only time will tell whether he lives up to it if he's ever thrown in that situation, but my boyfriend is adament that if anything goes pearshaped in his/our relationship and he finds himself attracted to someone else and wanting to take things further, rather than subjecting the other half to the pain, humiliation and lack of respect of an affair, he would end things with the partner first. I feel the same.
However, I suppose it's one of these things that is much easier to say than to do...
It isn't fucked up. Its real and as we can see plenty of people agree with me that cheating is wrong and selfish.
i would think personality has a lot to with it too.