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baby blues

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
dont know how to put this really because alot of people would think im too younge, but past few weeks/months ive really wanted to have a baby!! me and my b/f have been 2gether 2 months but we have had history!! i cant stop feeling this way!! what do you think i should do? its starting to get me down because i really want a baby!!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how old are you?
    and what does you bf think about your baby idea?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you have a baby with your boyfriend of two months (I've had colds that last longer) You have to quit school, your friends aren't going to want to hang out with you. What 16 year old wants a friend who has a child, theres no fun in that.
    You get a job in McDonalds or Primark or whatever. You kid gets older and tougher to take care of. It is costing more and more money. You have to work harder and harder, never getting a chance to go back to school. Your sponging off the government probably. Your 60, flipping burgers, but hey, you had a kid when you wanted to.

    And thats if your "boyfriend with a history" actually decides to stay with you once you get knocked up. Chances are, he problay wont.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the other thing to say is that having a baby isn't just one of those ideas that you wake up with one morning. its an entire life time of commitment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    by my calculations you're only 17, which i think is pretty young to decide to have a baby, especially when you're not in a long term relationship. lots of young girls go through stages of thinking how great itd be to have a baby, the reality is very different. i think you should be a bit more mature and sensible to be honest, you're not in a stable relationship, you didnt even say if you have somewhere to live with a baby? not the way you want to bring your child into the world im sure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote:
    the other thing to say is that having a baby isn't just one of those ideas that you wake up with one morning. its an entire life time of commitment.

    :yes: And what's wrong with waiting? It's not like if you don't have a baby now you can't ever have one. And remember, it won't stay a cute baby forever...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote:
    the other thing to say is that having a baby isn't just one of those ideas that you wake up with one morning. its an entire life time of commitment.

    Exactly. A baby is not a fish, you cant just flush it when you get bored with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jesus sorry but 2 months and you want a baby? you barely know him yet, you need to have fun and get to know eachother before you even consider having such a longterm commitment as a baby together.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    17? :no: not a good idea, you want to live your life first because once you have a baby then you have a commitment for the rest of your life. And if you've only been with the guy 2 months then thats even worse im afraid.
    i was best mates with a girl for several years who wanted a baby since she was 12, its all she ever talked about because she thought a baby would make her life better. she even tried to get pregnant.
    so no...at 17 the chances are you're not ready to be a parent, live your life first because you've got ages to have a baby
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And besides, you cant keep your stomache all toned when your pregnant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wait a year and if you still feel the same go for it. Chances are you wont and you'll be glad you never.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take a moment to think about the life this child will have - is it likely to have a loving, stable home? Will both parents be able to provide love, advice and financial support for the next 16-odd years? If it doesn't work out between you and the lad, what happens to the life you wanted to bring in to this world?

    Having a child with your boyfriend may be the best thing you ever did, and that child may have the most magnificent life ever, with lashings of love, stability, and never wanting for anything. However, it could all go so easily pear-shaped. It takes a lot of money to provide for a young life, children really do take up the best part of 16 years of your life. I'm sure the idea is most romantic, and you probably believe you'd do the best you could to raise a child.

    But... would it be right to start the whole process now, or wait until you are more settled in life, and have a better understanding of what you want and need? Would the child have a better chance in life if you were to wait a while, and make sure you have the best surroundings you can for them?

    It isn't like buying a cat. This will grow up into a real person, an adult. And with all the bad, selfish, hurtful and miserable things there are in this world, are you currently able to give him or her the best that you can?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A girl in my class at school had a baby when she was 15. I didn't see her again until a few days ago, the baby would be about 3 now, and i haven't seen a more cared for child.

    While i certainly wouldn't recommend it (and no you don't want a baby...really) not all young parents would class being a young parent as a mistake. It causes you to grow up quickly though, and i don't think you've truly thought things through.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everything people have mentioned before about the practicalities are true - it will be a long hard slog raising a child if you're not stable financially, and having a baby is a life-long commitment. But more importantly, question why you want a baby in the first place, especially since you're so young. Do you want someone to love, or think a baby will bring you and your boyfriend closer together? Perhaps a career is the most important thing to concentrate on now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just for the record.... there's nothing wrong with feeling this way.... but that doesn't mean you have to act on it.

    You just have NO IDEA how hard it is to bring up a child, until you've done it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A girl in my class at school had a baby when she was 15. I didn't see her again until a few days ago, the baby would be about 3 now, and i haven't seen a more cared for child.

    While i certainly wouldn't recommend it (and no you don't want a baby...really) not all young parents would class being a young parent as a mistake.

    just because a youngster is a really good parent and they love their child to death doesn't mean it can't be a mistake.

    if she is a good mother now, i'm willing to bet that in 10 years, with the same temperament and also a whole host of life experience, she would have been an awesome mother, and also would be way more likely to have the means to give her baby a comfortable life.

    the idea of having a baby is often romanticised and fluffy round the edges. lots of people like the idea of having a teeny weeny beeby, but when you bring that wee child into the world, you are not just making a baby, you are making a person. poo, wee, sick, money, debt, illness, pain, frustration, destruction, screaming rows and all. if you are ready for all that (and 3 hours sleep a night) then you are ready for a baby.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i agree with kaff, adverts for stuff like pampers make having a baby look like its all happy smiley families and little cute babies and its not
    eta: the girl who i used to hang with who wanted a baby...her carrer got her this realistic baby doll from an agency called 'baby thinking it over' (this its from america) anyway you get this realistic baby doll, it weighs the same as an average baby, it stays on all the time. And you have to hold it properly, feed it, change it and it cries. Its very annoying when i go to sleep over and the thing started screaming at 1am.
    They're designed to make teenagers more aware of what they're in for if they're not careful. And 99% of the time after they've had one they don't want a baby while they're still young.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the words "thinking about it for a few weeks" and "been with bf few months" sort of say its not an idea you will or want to go through with.

    Its really not as fun as you think, indeed there is a nice side to it but you have to work damn hard to have that, my bro and his wife almost split up because they couldnt cope with the responsibility and they were financially stable!

    Indeed its a nice idea, as every baby is a blessing but just step back and think about the reality of this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whilst I was reading through this thread I was thinking why not try having one of those dolls that is just like a real baby for a fortnight and see how you feel after that, one of the ones Ballerina mentioned! You can get them here as well as America so have a go. One of my friends had one for a week and hated it. It soon changed her mind about having a baby so young, without a serious relationship, stable home, finances etc. Think it through really carefully because it's a decesion that can't be reversed so easily.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having a baby now is not a good idea

    a)you have only been with your boyfriend for two months
    b)you need an education/career

    You might as well wait until you are completely and entirely able to support and look after a child e.g. when you are older/LT partner/Own home or whatever.

    Go out and enjoy your youth because after all, old age is just around the corner.
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