Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Again...

2»

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ah net girls. Thats the avenue I turned to. I was met with nutters and liars and bitches mostly.

    Saying that it did finally allow me to have sex, but I have found nothing serious from it.

    I'm hoping now I've started work, something will happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have some questions:

    Is there nothing you as yourself cannot find as important as a female?

    Is there nothing else that grabs your passion or ignites your intrest?

    Is the thought of being alone for the rest of your life despairing?
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    junker wrote:
    Is there nothing you as yourself cannot find as important as a female?
    There are many things obviously more important, like food etc. And it's not a female per say that I'm after; as I have explained, it's the knowledge of what a relationship (I don't mean a serious one, if I did I'd have said "serious") feels like.
    But if your question was "Is there nothing amongst the things you don't have that you as yourself cannot find as important as that knowledge", then the answer is "No, there isn't anything more important than that." And I'm aware that this is sad, but it doesn't mean I can change it.
    Is there nothing else that grabs your passion or ignites your intrest?
    Of course there are, and many things actually. But you can't fill a gas tank with orange juice, can you?
    Is the thought of being alone for the rest of your life despairing?
    This question makes me think you've missed my point (which I explained again above). I can't decide on an answer to this unless I know, at least partly, what the alternative feels like.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how is your social life? are you interacting regularly with girls?

    or is the problem more relating to them in a way that will develop the possibility of a bf/gf relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The fact is that women will rarely ask a guy out, and there is very little you can do about that. The last girl I was involved with just decided one day that we were going out (we were friends before that), but that sort of thing is extremely rare.

    Whatever the case, if you make a good impression you are still probably going to have to make the move, and you just have to accept that. If you do really want to get into some form of relationship now, start making positive changes now, to get you what you want.

    If you find it hard meeting girls, look at opportunities to interact them. You could do nightclasses, join a gym, do some voluntary work, etc.

    If you have confidence problems try one of the many books on the subject. They may not work, but there is no harm trying. Otherwise you could try something like hypnotherapy, or even speak to your GP about it.

    Also, try to find friends who are willing to help your cause. By that I mean friends who will break the ice with girls and introduce you. That is half of the battle.

    I don't believe that you should drink just to help you meet women. Just because lots of other people do it you don't have to as well.

    Finally, have a careful think about how you come across to others, particularly to women (given that this is the issue at hand). So much of life is about how other people perceive you. If there are things about you that you think will be perceived in a bad way, work on changing them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it really possible for people to achieve fundamental change in their personality once they have reached adulthood though?
    squired wrote:
    Finally, have a careful think about how you come across to others, particularly to women (given that this is the issue at hand). So much of life is about how other people perceive you. If there are things about you that you think will be perceived in a bad way, work on changing them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've seen lots of people change personality-wise as adults, but not intentionally in the majority of cases. However, on that front sometimes you have to do things that don't necessarily fit your personality. An example for me is the fact that I am a naturally shy person. However, at work I have to do a lot of meetings, and thus I have to make sure I don't act shy in them. My personality is still the same, but I am doing what I have to do in the work environment to move forward. The same idea can be applied elsewhere.

    When I talk about changing, I'm talking about everything that affects how people perceive you. How you dress, how you carry yourself, body language (making eye contact, and things like that), not speaking enough/speaking too much, the things you talk about, etc.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    carrot12 wrote:
    how is your social life? are you interacting regularly with girls?

    or is the problem more relating to them in a way that will develop the possibility of a bf/gf relationship?
    Well, most of the interaction are stuff like "Good morning" or "What do you think/know about <insert uni issue>?". Rarely something more than that.
    I guess I could say the problem is that I never get to know anyone enough to ask them out or anything, which in turn is probably because of some kind of some kind of partial shyness.
    squired wrote:
    When I talk about changing, I'm talking about everything that affects how people perceive you. How you dress, how you carry yourself, body language (making eye contact, and things like that), not speaking enough/speaking too much, the things you talk about, etc.
    My brother has said that I do need to change my dress sense, I guess I'll get around to that. I have no idea "how I carry myself", and I know next to nothing about body language. I think I might be avoiding straight eye contact though, subconsciously, as I've always thought eyes were disgusting...
    Generally I don't know how others percieve me. I guess I'll try to find out, somehow.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    A correction on something I said above. I said
    Zalbor wrote:
    I guess I could say the problem is that I never get to know anyone enough to ask them out or anything, which in turn is probably because of some kind of some kind of partial shyness.
    but I remembered that "partial shyness" is not the reason. It's because I don't find anyone with similar interests, so there's barely anything to talk about other than uni, so I can't get to know anyone better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What are your interests that are so unusual then?
  • Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hey - Don't get yourself down. Good things come to he who waits, and all. There are many ways to meet with Girls, (i've been relativley unsucessful, heh, I've had girlfriends - and got cheated on and lied to. Not sure whats worse, it's fucked me up a fair bit.) but the point to remember is - take it slow, get to know some girls, and their ways. Meeting someone with the same interests is hard - which is why the internet fucking rocks. The number of people like me i've met near me is awesome, i'd never know these folks exist without it. Get on some sitesl ike faceparty, myspace, etc. There's a world of folks out there - you just got to find them.

    I am not a particularly "clubby" type person myself. Im also quite shy, which is a problem. I can't dance and I know it, only ever dance drunkenly. I usually loiter at the side with a drink, which, is hardly a way to meet girls. And when I do, I tend to find im always a "close friend" and nothing more.

    As for your image, just try to be more open and casual about things. Find a way to relax yourself - its amazing the results. You don't want to be shy adn nervous, but nor overly the opposite. Just be relaxed, yourself, and cool around people. I know it's hard, but, it works wonders. As for dress sense - I just dress as I feel comfortable, but you can't, obviously, go about looking a prat. I just tend to blend in, myself. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im in a really bad situation, cause i have met someone a while back, well lets say 2/3, but theres one that really was special, like the kind you know will never come around again, at least for a long while.

    The problem i have is that i work lots, while im single work is pretty much all i have, is my work, im assuming for arguments sake that having friends is a given standard.

    If i connect with someone in a fantastic way, then im really busy a lot of the time, fair enough a lot of my hours are"disposable" income, and i could survive on less, i work my are of when im single, cause i see friends,and work lots as if im able to earn the money why not.

    I could reduce my hours, earn a little less, and it wouldnt be that much of a problem on a week to week basis. Yet i really have to be sure its something special before i do that, cause if i drop the hours and the specific work i do now, im not sure with the new manager coming in, that i would get it back. at the moment the things i do are "my things"

    Though if i dont drop the hours, i could harm the potential of a rilliant relationsip, right before it even blossoms.

    While the real world doesnt work like that, and if i meet someone really special, i will/should know straight away, and they would undertand my predicament, and respect that im a good and honest hard worker, who likes his job a lot, then i'll go for it, but as you can see, i have doubts and issues just like many other people do, i often over analyse situations, not necessarily think the worst, but i could think better of myself.

    Im not drunk, but i am pretty sleepy, so someone please tell me if my post made any sense at all
Sign In or Register to comment.