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Really bad joke thread.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Heard one this morning, thought if see if you lot can do any worse. Here goes:


I was driving to work this morning behind one of those magic tractors.










Wait for it......



















Followed it up the road for about a mile and it turned into a field. :no:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you get if you cross a cat with a chemist?

    Puss in Boots.
    :yeees:

    This was the joke in my cracker at xmas lunch today. Cheap arsed crackers, only had a hat and a shit joke!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Which creatures live in Big Ben?

    The Mouses of Parliament :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A man went to the doctors, and told him about how much pain he was in:

    "It hurts when I touch my forehead, my chin, my cheeks, my nose, my lips, and it even hurts when I touch my ears"


    Hmm said the Doctor "I think you've broken your finger" :no:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Which creatures live in Big Ben?

    The Mouses of Parliament :p

    Oh dear! :no:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    manickev wrote:
    A man went to the doctors, and told him about how much pain he was in:

    "It hurts when I touch my forehead, my chin, my cheeks, my nose, my lips, and it even hurts when I touch my ears"


    Hmm said the Doctor "I think you've broken your finger" :no:

    Classic Tommy Cooper I believe.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can we move all of Kleerfar's shit jokes to this thread please?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    NinjaMaster wrote:
    Classic Tommy Cooper I believe.

    Not sure, ninj. It was on the radio this morning - they were discussing really bad jokes etc.

    The tractor one just seemed to hit home.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what's brown & sticky?










    a stick


    :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whats the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

    Snow balls


    :yeees:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    __tink wrote:
    :yeees:

    You're quite right to make that face, missy. That was awful. :lol:

    I actually thought mine was quite good. It entertained my 10 year old self, anyway. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They are definitely getting worse.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A copy of Replicants, but..


    What's pink and fluffy...



















    pink fluff :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    an Atom is sitting at the bar, looking glum and rather upset

    the Barman asks him "what's up, why so sad?"

    the Atom says "I've lost an electron"

    Barman "are you sure?"

    Atom "yes... I'm positive"


    *is ashamed*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    an Atom is sitting at the bar, looking glum and rather upset

    the Barman asks him "what's up, why so sad?"

    the Atom says "I've lost an electron"

    Barman "are you sure?"

    Atom "yes... I'm positive"


    *is ashamed*

    Following on from that cracker...


    An electron, a proton and a neutron walk into a bar.

    The Electron asks the barman 'How much for a pint?'. The barman says 'for you, that'll be £2'

    The Proton asks the same question and again the barman replies 'for you too, that'll be £2'

    The Neutron asks the same question but the barman smiles and says, 'for you mate, no charge.'



    Thank you - I'm here til Sunday.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thunderstruck wrote:
    Following on from that cracker...


    An electron, a proton and a neutron walk into a bar.

    The Electron asks the barman 'How much for a pint?'. The barman says 'for you, that'll be £2'

    The Proton asks the same question and again the barman replies 'for you too, that'll be £2'

    The Neutron asks the same question but the barman smiles and says, 'for you mate, no charge.'



    Thank you - I'm here til Sunday.
    :D Classic. And I suppose Replicant's one should be an Ion rather than Atom :chin:

    Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?











    He was pulled in by a particularly strong currant
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kentish wrote:
    :D Classic. And I suppose Replicant's one should be an Ion rather than Atom :chin:

    very true :yes:

    but that would kind of spoil the joke :p

    this one is probably slightly more obscure...

    a higgs boson particle is on his way to church, upon entering, takes a seat and waits for the announcements, hymn's, prayers etc.

    sitting around for a bit, nothing happens, and slowly everyone turns and looks at him.

    "what's going on?" he asks



    "oh, I'm sorry... I thought you were supposed to give mass!" replies the priest



    I'm so sorry :p ... oh, and link... (don't worry, I think I'm drained of bad jokes now)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A seal walks into a club ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    'cause it died.


    it's actually one of my favourites!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    George Bush & Tony Blair

    :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    two fish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why do manchester united need cigarette lighters?

    Because they've lost all their matches!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    two drums and a cymbal fall out of a window....

    "ba dom tish"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why did the baker have smelly fingers?

    'cause he kneaded a poo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A cop was chasing a juvenile but he stopped when the juvenile ran inside to the cinema.

    A pedestrian asked the cop why he stopped.

    "I've already seen that movie"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    where was granny when the lights went out?

    in the dark!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jake0 wrote:
    where was granny when the lights went out?

    in the dark!!

    That was really bad. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blonde walks into a bar. Ouch.

    What do Ryan Giggs and Ayrton Senna have in common? Neither can take corners.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

    Is it mine?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?


    pregnant
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Q: How many customer service representatives does it take to change a
    lightbulb?
    A: 4. One to incorrectly diagnose the problem, 2 to repeat the first
    rep's notes to the customer, and one to inform the customer that the
    lightbulb changing service is no longer available in that location.
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