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being in love and feeling vulnerable
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
why is it so hard when you discover you actually are emotionally damaged and are carrying baggage.
I always thought i was pretty together and had handled the breakdown of my marriage really well - we were together 9 years and split up in august because he said he didnt love me anymore (I think he never really did that much) I also had a 3 year relationship where i lived with the guy from the age of 16 to 19. I totally loved that guy with all my heart but when we split (I finished with him) a bit later, he told me he wasnt sure he ever really did love me. I was absolutely devastated, even though i dumped him, because it meant the 3 years were faked.
Now I have been in a new relationship for the last 2 months and have fallen completely in love. Hes perfect for me. We think the same way, have the same sense of humour, hes so gorgeous and completely sexually compatible. he said he loved me really quickly (within a couple of weeks) and I did feel pretty strongly that i was falling for him, but took me longer to say it back. I did feel that he was more into me than vice versa therefore felt all secure and good about myself etc. Now all of a sudden in the last couple of weeks, I feel like ive just fallen in love - I just love him, but now I feel really insecure. I feel like im really fucked up. I feel like hes gonna leave me or that hes pretending to love me and doesnt really, even though 95% of me thinks this isnt true, because hes REALLY into me, but that 5% of doubt keeps rearing its ugly head. This is probably the first time anyones ever properly loved me and I know he understands because we Do understand each other and weve talked about it, and he always reassures me easily, but y`know, i cant shake it. Now im in love, I feel crap about myself like hes so much better than me and im not worth it. I feel fat and ugly half the time even though i know im really not but im having bulimic urges again.
I dont even know why im writing this but I just dont know why I cant just relax and enjoy this good time for what it is rather than obsessing on whether im good enough for him :banghead:
:crying:
I always thought i was pretty together and had handled the breakdown of my marriage really well - we were together 9 years and split up in august because he said he didnt love me anymore (I think he never really did that much) I also had a 3 year relationship where i lived with the guy from the age of 16 to 19. I totally loved that guy with all my heart but when we split (I finished with him) a bit later, he told me he wasnt sure he ever really did love me. I was absolutely devastated, even though i dumped him, because it meant the 3 years were faked.
Now I have been in a new relationship for the last 2 months and have fallen completely in love. Hes perfect for me. We think the same way, have the same sense of humour, hes so gorgeous and completely sexually compatible. he said he loved me really quickly (within a couple of weeks) and I did feel pretty strongly that i was falling for him, but took me longer to say it back. I did feel that he was more into me than vice versa therefore felt all secure and good about myself etc. Now all of a sudden in the last couple of weeks, I feel like ive just fallen in love - I just love him, but now I feel really insecure. I feel like im really fucked up. I feel like hes gonna leave me or that hes pretending to love me and doesnt really, even though 95% of me thinks this isnt true, because hes REALLY into me, but that 5% of doubt keeps rearing its ugly head. This is probably the first time anyones ever properly loved me and I know he understands because we Do understand each other and weve talked about it, and he always reassures me easily, but y`know, i cant shake it. Now im in love, I feel crap about myself like hes so much better than me and im not worth it. I feel fat and ugly half the time even though i know im really not but im having bulimic urges again.
I dont even know why im writing this but I just dont know why I cant just relax and enjoy this good time for what it is rather than obsessing on whether im good enough for him :banghead:
:crying:
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
I love'd and still do to a point (though she's making me hate her more each date, but thats a story for another day) my wife. The whole thing has made me doubt her feeling for me before she met this other guy. and making me doubt what feeling i had for her.
I want to get on with my life but i'm finding it hard to deal with it all sometimes. Everyone is saying how well i'm taking it all, and saying good on me for going out and having fun (made a few new friends/fuck buddies since it all happened) but inside i'm a wreck. I'm hoping that when i do meet that specail someone i've worked out all my baggage but i know it will come back when i start seeing someone.
It sounds to me that you've found a nice guy that really likes/loves you rainbow and after that happened with the others its scared you a little and making you doubt yourself. from what i've seen you post since i joined the boards here you seem like a lovely caring person, so i dont think you've anything to worry about you not being good enough for him.
Well, it's a good job he wasn't about to give up because we wouldn't be here now and he is (alongside my kids) the best thing that has EVER happened to me. In the end I thought sod it, I'm only going around once so I'd better grab life by the knackers whilst I can.
If I lost him tomorrow I'd still be glad I'd had him in my life. Meanwhile I just concentrate on today, because I don't want to end up old and wrinkly, still together and having spent my time on this planet worrying about him leaving me. It takes some willpower sometimes but it can be done.
Oh, and, I sincerely believe that we're all damaged in one way or another and we all have baggage. It's part of life.
I'm totally lost because i'm scared to love him too
(sorry for going on
We're all fucked up, we've all got baggage. I've never had a terrible split, but I still fear that I'll be left, that she'll find someone better. I think we all do.
Love is such an insecure thing, because the hardest thing to do is to need someone else.
I know in my heart this ones for keeps, but last night I just felt on a downer most of the evening, feeling so vulnerable. I dont want to come across as needy, but I guess sometimes I just am.
Me either.
Whether I get to have Mr M for a long time or a little time, I've got no way of knowing. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow, all we've got is now. Make the most of it.
There's nothing wrong with being needy occasionally. If it turns into obsessive, constant, unhealthy neediness then it's a problem. Until then, we all need to be reassured from time to time.
He is still there for me, he still calls me every day because he says he still loves me. Its hard to understand why. I feel like a awful person. I can't explain. But im glad he is still there for me because I dont know what I would do if he wasn't. He's the only person who knows me well, inside and out, and I cant really let anyone else in.
As Miffy said, everyone carries baggage. What I did was load my baggae onto my ex and I lost him. Don't lose your partner by not communicating, my hiding into a shell. Speak to your partner, enjoy the times you have because you're not going to be around forever. You only have one life. Discuss and keep the lines of communication open. So so important, because I shut them down everytime he came to reach for me and now he's not around anymore.