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Scientific Proof that Santa Doesn't Exist

SystemSystem Posts: 8,653 Staff Team
Old email but still very funny. And topical. And it proves that there are scientific explanations to everything.


No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 millions stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest an-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even
nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth Cunard Liner.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas everyone.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, its not still funny. It never was.:no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Santa DEAD! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to break this to all the kiddies out there, but it's high time they learned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh shush. You're a scrooge, that's fine. Let us enjoy Christmas in peace. None of us believe in Father Christmas now, but it was so exciting to believe in him when you were a child.
    So just leave it ok?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to break this to all the kiddies out there, but it's high time they learned.

    No it's not. Children grow up too fast now anyway, let them be children ffs. There is no need for them to learn that Santa doesn't exist. Just because you don't enjoy Christmas there is no need to take it out on other people. So there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh shush. You're a scrooge, that's fine. Let us enjoy Christmas in peace. None of us believe in Father Christmas now, but it was so exciting to believe in him when you were a child.
    So just leave it ok?

    No. I actively enjoy making life miserable for people like you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh shush. You're a scrooge, that's fine. Let us enjoy Christmas in peace. None of us believe in Father Christmas now, but it was so exciting to believe in him when you were a child.
    So just leave it ok?

    Well some people do believe in him still :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote:
    Santa DEAD! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    *pets* its alright. Its not true. Hes still there. In fact, oh, whats that? Did you see that, what just flew across the sky?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame

    lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    *pets* its alright. Its not true. Hes still there. In fact, oh, whats that? Did you see that, what just flew across the sky?

    Well if it was Santa, isn't he starting a little early? :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    GoodFella wrote:
    Well if it was Santa, isn't he starting a little early?

    He gets senial in his old age.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Someone had too much time on their hands to work all of that bob out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    He gets senial in his old age.

    Poor guy, maybe he needs some loving ... some of that rough love you were offering. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why? Why would you do such a thing?

    :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. I actively enjoy making life miserable for people like you!

    Bah Humbug to you an' all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I thought it was bad when I was told the easter bunny wasn't real...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rich-E wrote:
    I thought it was bad when I was told the easter bunny wasn't real...

    God this day is getting worse, first i find out santa's dead and now im being told the easter bunny's not real!! :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you heard about the tooth fairy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    More proff santa does not exist I've just spent £44 on my mum's chirstmas present from my dad as he is too busy at work to go out and buy it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    Have you heard about the tooth fairy?
    What about her? What's happened to her?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rich-E wrote:
    What about her? What's happened to her?!

    Nothing. Nothing at all. *pets*

    Stop upsetting the little ones!
  • Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Stalin's Organist Posts: 13,327
    Well, he did exist, but im afraid...
    santa%20plane.jpg
    (Old, i know.)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    heh. I didn't realise Santa was so big...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all the mince pies innit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yar. And all the calories in the whiskey.

    Mmmm Mince pies. *wants* do you have any?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whiskey? Do your parents not like sherry then? ;)

    I have a box of 6 mince pies :yum:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yar. And all the calories in the whiskey.

    Mmmm Mince pies. *wants* do you have any?
    *shocked* Santa so does not drink. Sepcially not whisky!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No! I always wanted to leave milk but my can't stand it, so always persuaded me to leave whiskey!

    Bring me mince pies! pleasey. I don't want to go to my lecture :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No! I always wanted to leave milk but my can't stand it, so always persuaded me to leave whiskey!

    Bring me mince pies! pleasey. I don't want to go to my lecture :(

    I have home-made mince pies :yum:
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