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My parents and uni

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Once at university, how does your relationship with your parents change?

    That all depends whether you have money, are going to work part-time, what kind of loan you're entitled to, and of course whether you're living on campus.

    Some parents manipulate teenagers via finance. "Oh you'll do this and this or you won't get blah blah blah"...i've seen that a few times before.

    If you can afford it yourself, you're sorted.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't believe it. I was accused earlier in this thread of exaggerating, of worrying too much. My parents reaction was bad initially, now it's got a hell of a lot worse. This morning, they told me that they're against me going to university full stop. They claim the expense does not justify the risk. In their own words, "university is such an expensive thing. And we don't think that the expense of doing such a course [it's likely to be English & Politics now] is worth it. You may be there three years and have no job at the end of it".

    Yet, when I asked about my sister, who has ambitions to work in the legal profession, they were a lot more upbeat. So, my sister is getting the support of her parents, but I'm not. I just can't believe they'd stoop this low. :crying:
    Spliffie wrote:
    If you can afford it yourself, you're sorted.
    Yeah... if I can afford it, precisely.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I get no support whatsoever off my parents. I manage as so do many other people. You will be able to survive off the minimum loan, a overdraft and a part time job.
    That's okay. I wasn't expecting them to finance my time at university. All I wanted, really, was to know they were fine with it. I'm just surprised and disappointed they support one child going to university, but not the other. Oh well, I shall have to get on with it without them.

    It's also given me more fuel for the estrangement debate from recently.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    if I can afford it, precisely.

    Of course you can afford it. They give you a loan, as long as you don't overspend and end up running off to mummy and daddy for help you'll be sorted on your own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Of course you can afford it. They give you a loan, as long as you don't overspend and end up running off to mummy and daddy for help you'll be sorted on your own.
    Thankfully, I've got some experience of keeping into budgets, so that shouldn't be a problem. Well, in theory.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Thankfully, I've got some experience of keeping into budgets, so that shouldn't be a problem. Well, in theory.

    I presume you're not going till nearly a year's time anyway, thats loads of time to get some money together.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bongbudda wrote:
    I presume you're not going till nearly a year's time anyway, thats loads of time to get some money together.
    Next September, yes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ai, well good luck. If your parents aren't supportive now, they might be later when it's reality and not just theory. Then again, they might just be cunts and not support you full stop. My mom got all excited about my bro going to uni, even if you pushed her I'm not sure my mom would even know the name of the uni I go to... Parents eh? It used to really kill me emotionally that she/they were like that, now I couldn't give two hoots. I smile at them, take their money (the little I can wring out of them), don't do anything they say unless it was something I was going to do anyway and... even though I am an adult- I have myself a new mommy. It's important to feel loved and supported.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote:
    If your parents aren't supportive now, they might be later when it's reality and not just theory. Then again, they might just be cunts and not support you full stop. My mom got all excited about my bro going to uni, even if you pushed her I'm not sure my mom would even know the name of the uni I go to... Parents eh?
    I suspect one reason my parents are unhappy is I've ruled out going to any university in Wales. They're real patriots, they may feel I'm being disrespectful. I wouldn't agree myself. I bet though that, assuming a university says yes to me, that they'll then start putting on the concerned act.
    It used to really kill me emotionally that they were like that, now I couldn't give two hoots. I smile at them, take their money (the little I can wring out of them), don't do anything they say unless it was something I was going to do anyway and... even though I am an adult- I have myself a new mommy. It's important to feel loved and supported.
    That's how I'm feeling now too. A side of me doesn't want to care what they think, but I do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    A side of me doesn't want to care what they think, but I do.

    I finally let it go, and it stopped hurting so much when I realised that I wasn't responsible for their parenting and that much of what they put me through was emotional bullying. It really helped me to have a trusted reliable adult confirm this, it's difficult to explain why but I think a lot of people assume that you're being difficult/spoilt/demanding/attention seeking if you don't get along with your parents. Sometimes though- it really isn't your fault and there's nothing you can do about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SG i've not read your whole thread but i'd say that if you don't feel comfortable telling them, then don't. if you are okay about it, then do.
    and i guess going to uni or indeed just moving away, realistically affects how often you will see them - other than that, how it affects your relationship with them is down to you and them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but once you are over 21 and about to start Uni I thought you were considered a mature student and therefore your parents finances don't come into it?? If you are on a low income I guess you would be eligible for the full loan and your tuition fees would be waived.

    Been a long time since I applied for Uni and parents were pretty unsupportive too...I remember being up in my room and I could hear them whispering about how they thought I wasn't cut out for it etc. I got quite upset about it and ended up leaving home, deferred my Uni place for a year and ended up pregnant...so never actually got to Uni!!

    I'm now 26,a single mum with a 6yr old son LOL I've got a pretty good job considering, and I've returned to college part time and might even do Uni in the future. Would like to become a chartered accountant (for the money!!) eventually.

    So yeah, just grit your teeth and if you want to do it...go for it. Don't let your parents opinions cloud your dreams or you could really regret it (like I do)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but once you are over 21 and about to start Uni I thought you were considered a mature student and therefore your parents finances don't come into it?? If you are on a low income I guess you would be eligible for the full loan and your tuition fees would be waived.
    This is a grey area. Some people tell me when I'm over 21 when entering university, I'm considered a mature student. Others say I will already be by the time I start. It's an area I really need to get clarification in. What I don't understand is my parents are totally supportive of my sister going into university, but not me. They say it's nothing personal, it's that my sister is more likely to find work afterwards (she's likely to enter the legal profession) than I am. I've been talking to a mate about this, and she's baffled about their opposition. So is the employment agency that's helping me out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the end of the day you'll be able to get SOME job when you leave university, even if it isn't a graduate job. Not all people who leave uni immediately go into well-paid jobs (or even jobs that have career prospects or are related to their degree), but having a degree gives you good options for your long term future as well. Nowdays unless you are willing to train/do academic courses etc. it is very difficult to get into a good position within a company, so a degree will always be useful to you.

    You will probably benefit from the new tuition fees thing being introduced, previously studying in England you would have had to pay your tuition fees up front, and if your parents earned over the threshold then you would get a smaller loan meaning they would be expected to pay your fees. But I don't think you'll have to pay them up front anymore, which is a plus. Not 100% sure about all that stuff though so it is definitely worth looking up.

    Personally I got a £3000 loan in my first year of uni and my accommodation cost £3200 for 30 weeks, so getting a part-time job and saving up while you can is really important.

    At the end of the day if your parents aren't willing to support you then that is up to them, I don't really understand where they got the idea that you won't be able to get a reasonable job afterwards, but there you go. At least you will know that you have done it off your own back and it will make the whole experience feel more worthwhile etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FireFly85 wrote:
    At the end of the day if your parents aren't willing to support you then that is up to them, I don't really understand where they got the idea that you won't be able to get a reasonable job afterwards, but there you go. At least you will know that you have done it off your own back and it will make the whole experience feel more worthwhile etc.
    Thank you. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was 22 when i applied and my parents income was taken into account. it's only if you've been independent of them (estranged/orphaned/married/moved out) for x amount of time it isnt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    up here you are considered mature if you are over 26
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ahhh I see. I'm out of touch completely LOL. Good luck anyhow SG :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i moved back in with my parents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i was 22 when i applied and my parents income was taken into account. it's only if you've been independent of them (estranged/orphaned/married/moved out) for x amount of time it isnt.
    On this subject, they say they may help fill in those forms. If they won't co-operate though, I may not get a loan and if that happens, I can't go to uni. Taking a wrecking ball to my future, they are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    On this subject, they say they may help fill in those forms. If they won't co-operate though, I may not get a loan and if that happens, I can't go to uni. Taking a wrecking ball to my future, they are.

    You can get unassessed loans where they don't take your parents income into consideration.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can get unassessed loans where they don't take your parents income into consideration.
    Okay. Well, I suppose the real test will come when those forms actually arrive. It'll be interesting to see what they do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can get unassessed loans where they don't take your parents income into consideration.

    :yes: I'm in Edinburgh but my parents live in London, and I have an unassessed loan which is about £1000 a term. But I don't get any help with fees obviously as my dad pays those. Lucky me I know!

    StarGalaxy, I don't think you've really explained the situation fully - we're getting dribs and drabs of information, and I can't quite figure it all out. But if you've been having problems with them for a while, maybe your mum didn't know what reaction you wanted. Have you been telling them to stop meddling etc? Maybe telling you 'ok well I'll let you get on with it' was her way of trying to give you what you want?

    Why don't you just apply and see where it goes from there - you don't have to take a place even if you get one. In the meantime, gather some information about the degree you want to do, hunt around and find out about the job prospects you'll have if you do it, and then present it to them as one adult to another. If you go in looking for a fight then that's what you'll get.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StarGalaxy, I don't think you've really explained the situation fully - we're getting dribs and drabs of information, and I can't quite figure it all out. But if you've been having problems with them for a while, maybe your mum didn't know what reaction you wanted. Have you been telling them to stop meddling etc? Maybe telling you 'ok well I'll let you get on with it' was her way of trying to give you what you want?

    Why don't you just apply and see where it goes from there - you don't have to take a place even if you get one. In the meantime, gather some information about the degree you want to do, hunt around and find out about the job prospects you'll have if you do it, and then present it to them as one adult to another. If you go in looking for a fight then that's what you'll get.
    I haven't explicitly told my parents to "stop meddling", though they tell me that is the way I seem. I've made my choices today for subjects. As soon as my reference arrives, it'll be on its way. With some luck, my parents might come round soon.
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