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Cheating?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So one of my best friends has a boyfriend who she reckons is the one she is meant to be with for the rest of her life. She reckons he walks on water.
Now I like this girl and I have told her many times. She knows I like her and has said if she was single she would go out with me. Now we are quite close. We always have a laugh together. We hug a lot and feel comfortable touching each other etc. Everything thinks we would make a great couple.
Yet she on't dump her boyfriend for me. When in my company she always comes to me for support and help? When she is bored she comes to me? We spend a lot of time together?
Problem I have is how can we be so close and not be together. We do everything it seems but kiss and have sex. I get the feeling she is taking advantage of my good nature because she has low self esteem. She is still friends with all her ex boyfriends even though one cheated on her more than once. I go out my way to be with her and support her yet in the end she always wants her boyfriend.
Surely being this close to someone is partially cheating on your boyfriend because she is actively letting people get this close to them and then acting like a girlfriend almost in return?
Wouldn't the boyfriend be jealous no matter how commited she says she is? How can she let someone so close if she has already found the love of her life?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm, this sounds exactly how me and my close friend were together. She used me as a "surogate" boyfriend when hers was busy, or they had a fight, or she just wanted to do something with out him but with a guy. She told me clearly i was the ne she would go out with and be with if she didnt have a boyfriend.

    The truth is she lied, it was bullshit, she didnt really love her boyfriend despite saying she did and she didnt want to go out with me, sh ejust liekd having me around. He was always jealou sof her been with me and i was always jealou sof him been her boyfriend and she used us both as she liked and then dumpe dhim and ditched me as a close friend.

    Women can "compartmentalise" their behaviour to keep it appearing rational in that way!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she sounds quite insecure tbh if she needs a guy on the side so she has male attention all the time
    its quite selfish to be honest
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can you give your love to someone else, then share your dreams with me. Sometimes the very thing your looking for... something something something lalala


    Anyways, I agree with Ballerina. There is physical cheating, and then, if you are in fact in love, and all emotional and stuff, then there is emotional cheating. I, personally, do not believe you should act as la sex free lover, if you already have one.

    Edit: Reading it, it doesn't really make sense. SOrry, I can't explain myself properly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my_name wrote:
    How can you give your love to someone else, then share your dreams with me. Sometimes the very thing your looking for...


    ... is the one thing you can't see :p

    (What the hell is that song, by the way?)

    Anyway, back to the point. Er, in simple terms, I think she may like you, but not as much as her boyfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should probably just accept her as a friend and no more, enjoy it ffs, it sounds like you have a great, close relationship. She isn't cheating on her boyfriend just because she has a male friend that she is close to. I'm guessing her boyfriend is aware of your presence and doesn't really have a problem with it (or not enough of one to do anything about it.) The best thing you can do is to accept her as a friend. If you want a girlfriend get one of your own (but make sure you don't get a jealous one who'll stop you hanging out with your mate, that would be really, really bad)
    Now I like this girl and I have told her many times. She knows I like her and has said if she was single she would go out with me. Now we are quite close.

    She shouldn't really be saying things like that to you, She probably thought it would help when put on the spot with you telling her you wanted to go out with her (i.e dump her B/F). It may be true, but it isn't the current reality. You shouldn't dwell on it but you shouldn't hold it against her either, she messed up by saying it but probably thought she was doing / saying the right thing.

    Good Luck
    E.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    enjoy her for her cuz you are definitely not gonna chane her... people she was in love with didnt change her... a borther type figure sure as hell isn't.. sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont see the problem (maybe iv got the wrong end of the stick)

    she comes to you for support, she comes to you when they have had an argument (im not sure how you ment touching but i take it you mean hugging),
    are you not just describing the role of a friend??

    Thats exactly what im like with my friends male and female

    since she told you she would go out with you if she wernt with him has she mentioned it?
    the only way i could see that she is doing anything wrong is if she constantly brings up how she would be with you if it wernt for him or has told you that she's gonna finish with him and be with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is exactly what I meant in the other thread.

    A girl can like a boy without wanting to have sex with him. She likes you as a friend, which is why she comes to you for support when things are wrong. She likes you as a close friend, even.

    Doesn't mean she wants to marry you. Deal with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My girlfriend ran off with her best friend(and mine too, same person) so i'm not really sympathetic to you in the slightest. She says she is happy in her relationship, but you're willing to get that close to her when you know she has some feelings for you. You simply being there and willing to be more than friends with her makes it a problem. If you want to try and split up a happy couple then keep doing what you're doing, but just imagine what it would be like if you were the other guy.
    If you can't accept that you're nothing more than friends you should end the friendship, because someone is going to get hurt if you keep going the way you are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd disagree with that.

    I don't want to sound callous, but relationships normally end for a reason. If you prefer someone else then the relationship is dead, IMHO. I can't blame people who end relationships that aren't working, and move to someone they prefer. It's not nice, but that is life.

    If this girl wanted you as more, you would be more. You aren't, so you need to deal with that. Just because she's a close friend doesn't mean she wants to marry you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Run a mile Jeff, believe me, you'll end up getting hurt. I know because I've been there. Feels great at the time, but it won't last, and she'll drop you like a stone when the time is right. Sorry if I sound bitter, it's just that I've got the scars.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    This is exactly what I meant in the other thread.

    A girl can like a boy without wanting to have sex with him. She likes you as a friend, which is why she comes to you for support when things are wrong. She likes you as a close friend, even.

    Doesn't mean she wants to marry you. Deal with it.
    :yes:

    I flirt with a lot of male friends, sometimes hug them too and will happily curl up with them on the sofa or play wrestle (same with some female friends, although a lot are too concerned with being 'straight' to playflirt ect). Doesn't mean I wanna be with 'em.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are also other issues. I work with her and see her all the time so avoiding her is near impossible and if we fell out then a lot of friends would be caught in the middle.
    She also gets really jealous if I am remotely linked with anyone else, as if she has a claim on me. Even when its with someone she knows I would never go out with.
    Despite being very guarded and one of those people that keeps others at a distance, she doesn't nearly as much to me.
    She is also a very strong independent person but her low self esteem gives the impression that her bf has complete control over her and dictates their life to her. Despite the fact that he comes across as a total loser (unbiased honest, although everyone thats met him from work thinks so), I can't help but feel she loves him because she loves being loved and he is too good for her.
    This is all unfair. I know I should steer clear, I know she is using me for her own self esteem problems but I am not only her friend but I care for her so much and struggle to believe a close friend could use me in such a way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :yes:

    I flirt with a lot of male friends, sometimes hug them too and will happily curl up with them on the sofa or play wrestle (same with some female friends, although a lot are too concerned with being 'straight' to playflirt ect). Doesn't mean I wanna be with 'em.

    I agree it could just be thats shes compleaty comfortable with you, she has after all made her feelings for this guy more than clear, My best friend is a guy and we do everything bar the kissing and sex......he is gay though so we don't have that issue I guess. Does she know how you feel ?
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