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Is it fizzling out?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel really sad and scared at the same time right now because i think my relationship is dying and i dont know what to do.
Me and bf met at uni, we went out for a year and a half then broke up due to niggling arguments. We both thought it was over for good, then after three months he decided he wanted to give it another go. He had slept with a couple of other people whilst we were apart and i found that hard to get over because of who they were, but he won me over and since july we've been back together.
At the start things were great he worshipped me and it felt great but i wasnt sure how i felt about him, i wanted to believe i was back in love with him and that things could last forever but i dont know how i feel now. The main problem is the fact that we've finished uni and moved back home which is pretty far apart from each other and only get to see each other on weekends, after living together for nearly two years its been odd.
Before we broke up we did everything together and because of that we were both very jealous and insecure when we spent time apart, this time around we've had to back off because its just not practical to not go out without each other. I've come home and actually got a really good social group i go out twice a week and have a great time, and lately ive realised seeing my bf isnt coming top of my list of priorities anymore. For reasons i wont go into he cant come visit me so i always have to go to him, which ive started to resent a bit, it costs me money which we are meant to split but hasnt in reality happened yet. I work all week and have started to resent that i have no time for myself because i come home from work and am knackered and then see him and be in his space and do his things all weekend.
Its come to the point where i dont mind going 3-4weeks before seeing him if i get some time to myself. i aftually finished work early yesterday and could have gotten gone up to see him, but i decided not to and not to tell him i could have made it this weekend. The journey takes 2.5hours on the train and although the coach is much cheaper and i used to take it every weekend to see him i know refuse as it takes over four hours and i just cant bare it.
I'vealways been scared hed cheat on me not because i think hes a bad guy but because he always gets a lot of attention and teh opportunity is always there for him, it used to scare me stiff and caused a lot of arguements before we broke up....however just lately ive been thinking that if he did rather then be destroyed id probably just make him pay by taking the moral high ground and walk out of his life. I havent been tempted to cheat myself but the fact that he has slept with many more poepl then me in his life so far, and the fact that he used our time apart more...interestingly, by making the most of the time to sleep around without hurting a gf, when i didnt has prayed on my mind. I feel like ive missed out. Ive only slept with the two bfs ive had and kissed less then 15 people my whole life, i dont want to sleep around but i feel like ive missed out on thigns hes experienced like one night stands...i feel like without having one i cant believe people when they say they mean nothing.
Im not to sure what im trying to say, maybe im just having a down day and making this into something its not but i feel liek we arent going anywhere right now, theres no chance of us moving in together for atleast a year due to money and work, and i feel like this tiem around im just waiting for it to end. Before we broke up before i never thought it would end, now i feel like it has before so whats different this time? I feel like im waiting for him to save up money and im restricted by our relationship. I feel so bad saying all this but i just dont know what to do. I dont want to throw a good thing away and regret it, like he said he did last time we broke up but things just dont feel so good anymore
Me and bf met at uni, we went out for a year and a half then broke up due to niggling arguments. We both thought it was over for good, then after three months he decided he wanted to give it another go. He had slept with a couple of other people whilst we were apart and i found that hard to get over because of who they were, but he won me over and since july we've been back together.
At the start things were great he worshipped me and it felt great but i wasnt sure how i felt about him, i wanted to believe i was back in love with him and that things could last forever but i dont know how i feel now. The main problem is the fact that we've finished uni and moved back home which is pretty far apart from each other and only get to see each other on weekends, after living together for nearly two years its been odd.
Before we broke up we did everything together and because of that we were both very jealous and insecure when we spent time apart, this time around we've had to back off because its just not practical to not go out without each other. I've come home and actually got a really good social group i go out twice a week and have a great time, and lately ive realised seeing my bf isnt coming top of my list of priorities anymore. For reasons i wont go into he cant come visit me so i always have to go to him, which ive started to resent a bit, it costs me money which we are meant to split but hasnt in reality happened yet. I work all week and have started to resent that i have no time for myself because i come home from work and am knackered and then see him and be in his space and do his things all weekend.
Its come to the point where i dont mind going 3-4weeks before seeing him if i get some time to myself. i aftually finished work early yesterday and could have gotten gone up to see him, but i decided not to and not to tell him i could have made it this weekend. The journey takes 2.5hours on the train and although the coach is much cheaper and i used to take it every weekend to see him i know refuse as it takes over four hours and i just cant bare it.
I'vealways been scared hed cheat on me not because i think hes a bad guy but because he always gets a lot of attention and teh opportunity is always there for him, it used to scare me stiff and caused a lot of arguements before we broke up....however just lately ive been thinking that if he did rather then be destroyed id probably just make him pay by taking the moral high ground and walk out of his life. I havent been tempted to cheat myself but the fact that he has slept with many more poepl then me in his life so far, and the fact that he used our time apart more...interestingly, by making the most of the time to sleep around without hurting a gf, when i didnt has prayed on my mind. I feel like ive missed out. Ive only slept with the two bfs ive had and kissed less then 15 people my whole life, i dont want to sleep around but i feel like ive missed out on thigns hes experienced like one night stands...i feel like without having one i cant believe people when they say they mean nothing.
Im not to sure what im trying to say, maybe im just having a down day and making this into something its not but i feel liek we arent going anywhere right now, theres no chance of us moving in together for atleast a year due to money and work, and i feel like this tiem around im just waiting for it to end. Before we broke up before i never thought it would end, now i feel like it has before so whats different this time? I feel like im waiting for him to save up money and im restricted by our relationship. I feel so bad saying all this but i just dont know what to do. I dont want to throw a good thing away and regret it, like he said he did last time we broke up but things just dont feel so good anymore
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Comments
Sorry to hear your feeling a bit rotten.
The first thing that stikes me after reading your post is that you probably know what the best thing to do is,just that your a bit nervous about it.
Go for it if its what you want.
Dont just stay in something for the sentiment it'l only bring you down.
this sounds like a similar situation to mine! Ive been with my boyf 4 years, weve broken up a couple of times in which he immediately met someone else-which pisses me off! When we broke up i enjoyed the 'me' time-i didnt think about jumping into bed with the first person!! He regretted the breakup like your boyf n guilt tripped me into getting back with him. if i hadnt have wanted to a little bit im sure i wouldnt have, but i do feel i only did it because nothing better had come along in the mean time and i missed the usual routine.
similarliy my boyf doesnt have his car anymore so im the one who has to visit him all of the time which gets boring, cause its the same old thing and i feel like its me doing all the chasing and putting the effort in.
Im sick too. My heart goes out to you cause you sound like your in the same boat as me. I dont put my boyf at the top of the priorities-i enjoy myself more when hes not around. I know we are no good for eachother anymore but it is so hard to say that final goodbye and to think of them not in our life anymore hurts more than anything even though we know it is for the best.
I blame the way i feel because i dont want to change my routine. Everything i do, everyone i know, everywhere i go involves him in some way-and obviously seen as though we have been together so long.
But although i never take my own advice (hopefully one day i will learn and i hope some day soon)-its already been 6 years, if you feel like this now it is only going to get worse and you will look back on the time you 'knew' it was over and regret holding on.
It will be hard but you have just left uni so you have a new life ahead of you. I think you are in a better position because he doesnt live in the same town as you.
Dont drag it out-if you dont feel like your 100% committed anymore then leave-just remember wot will be will be and if you are meant to be together then you will xx
The fact that you know you don't want to sleep around shows you probably don't want to experience the things he has, as you already know it's not right for you. The one-night stands will probably have meant less to him than what you had together, and he had them in order to distract himself when you were having problems.
I don't think a relationship would feel the same the second time around. Something will have changed; maybe for better, but people like the initial feelings when they start a new relationship, and you wouldn't experience that getting back with someone familiar.
The fact you always have to make the effort to go and see him, and knowing what he did with other girls when you were temporarily apart, are going to niggle at you, and put you off travelling to see him as it feels like an obligation. Consider what you enjoy about being with him, then what there is stopping you if you feel like leaving him. Would you be throwing a "good thing" away? Do you still feel it's a good thing?