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Will he come back to me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know what to do, im completely lost.
I've been in this relationship for almost 2 yearsand my boyfriends dad recently died, since then he has become completely distant and doesn't talk to me the way we used to. A couple of weeks ago he asked to go on a break and when i asked why, he couldn't give an answer but continued to claim that he still loves me and wants to get back with me later on.
We became a couple fairly younge so neither of us really had alot of experience with other ppl before getting together. I know he would have liked to have fullfilled that desire before, but now im scared he is gonna go off and experiment with other ppl and never come back to me.
i was contacting him too frequently on our break so ive decided to leave him alone to give him the chance to miss me.
i know he needs time to heal over his fathers death, but im scared he wont return to me because he may enjoy single life too much.
should i just move on, when im not ready to give up on the love of my life? :banghead:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Matt is right, give him his space and if he really loves you and wants to get back together he will come to you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It didn't work
    he wanted a break coz he met someone else and for three weeks he led me on.
    i had trouble getting past that he told me about his new girl in a text message, i needed closure so i text him to ask if we could talk for a bit to say our final words and he told me that he never loved me and that i was a joke and neede to get a life and stay out of his.
    i know there is no going back now, but that doesn't help my confindence moving on in a new relationship. How could he say something like that, if he never loved me then he wasted 21 months with me, i want him to be happy, and maybe friends one day but i never thought he would be like this. im so confused.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a very harsh thing to say. :(

    Really sorry to hear that mate, I know it's not what you want to hear, but we've all been there, and you do get through it. Theres always going to be one that gets hurt in a break up, and eventually it tends to be hostile from one side. Hope you're ok, you will be in time, promise!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im so sorry!!!!!!

    That was a very cruel way to end things after such a long time together!!!

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now it gets even more confusing. i spoke to his new girlfriend and she is currently breaking up with him because she finds their relationship is just a friendship and her heart belongs to someone else.
    she also thinks that he needs to be with me, so now i have a slight hope he may come back.
    his girlfriend is so nice, we have become friends and instead of feeling lonely and wanting to contact him i now talk to her, maybe i should move on from him and stay friends with her.
    i want him to hurt the way i am but i know he is very confused and that since his dad died he feels lost, thats why he went with someone straight after him and i were over.
    am i just being foolish?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if i give him space and not contact him will he remember all our good times and miss me and want to come back?
    he was very vauge with his reasons for breaking up
    i still have hope
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i sent him a msg today just saying that ive been going out and having fun and he hasn't replied yet :(
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    pelin wrote:
    if i give him space and not contact him will he remember all our good times and miss me and want to come back?
    he was very vauge with his reasons for breaking up
    i still have hope

    Hey Pelin,

    Your ex will never forget the good times, but at the same time if he has decided that he wants to move on then no amount of reminscing is likely to change his mind. Sometimes people don't have clear reasons why they want to break up with someone, they have simply decided that it doesn't feel right for them anymore and this can be very hard to accept.

    Obviously I don't know whether your man will decide to try to get back with you, but the most important thing is that you start to feel better about your situation by preparing for the possiblilty that he might not . Even if he doesn't want to get back with you it doesn't mean he is not hurting and he is bound to experience a period of grief and need as much space as possible.

    I think many of us can sympathise with wanting to text someone constantly and crave contact with them of any kind, which unfortunately in the long run can be very damaging. At the same time you shouldn't beat yourself up about what has happened so far - you have every right to feel upset and confused.

    Here are two articles that you might like to read First article and second one here


    Take good care of yourself ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pelin wrote:
    he told me that he never loved me
    I've had that one. It fucking sucks monkeys, I know.

    If you want to chat, drop me a PM, and I'll be more than happy to talk with you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i've become content with not needing him the way i did, ive learnt to let go a little during this time, and ive discovered how much i do respect and trust him, i know if we gave our relationship another try it wll be more fullfilling and therefore more sucessful. I have respected his decision and left him alone. I text him yesterday just a friendly one to leave the impression that im not upset at the way he treated me and that in the future im willing to be friends. I hope this will make him reconsider us again. I know he is really hurting at the moment because of his dads death, i want to give him space but i want him to know that above all i still care about him and want to help him during his lonely times. I hope im going about this the right way, i don't want to loose him, but i have accepted they i may have and that he will no longer be apart of my life.
    im very confused still
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok a new twist.
    i was on msn and he was on and he begun a conversation, just asking if he was a good kisser coz this new girl he is with thinks he is great, is there a new gril or is he trying to get a rise out of me? would u ask a girl u broke up with 1 week ago a question like that?
    again he was being harsh when he didn't need to by pointing out that his mum liked me, but not anymore. he has changed alot and i don't think i want to be with him, he has become horrible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well fuck him then (not litterally lol). If he wants to be an arse then just walk away and dont let him get to you. im quite good at hiding emotions and if anyone ever did that to me i'd just let them know i didnt give a shit about them and just carry on with my life as normal. sure it would hurt inside, of course it would but then he obviously still has some sort of feelings for you or he wouldnt waste his time being nasty. just let him get on with it and walk away mate!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im finally content on moving on. I figured that i tried everything i could to get my relationship back to normal at the time and nothing worked, so now i know i will never regret anything, i tried all i could, he is the one who will one day look back and start asking questions. Im moving on, and im planning to be single for a while, im not ready for a relationship, and i want to be happy on my own before going into anything. I finally feel in control of my life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Owch. That guy sounds like a bit of an arsehole. But it does seem like you've come out of it with a new understanding...rather quickly too
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After reading all this I do admit he's being an arse. I am glad you say that you've come to terms will all this, but it's my impression that maybe this isn't ...quite...the case.

    Grief and bereavment are some pretty screwed up states to be in. It make people act in very odd ways, I had a friend that when his mum died he decided it would be fun to try heroin. It bring into question the whole validity of life and what's worth living and doing. It also makes you feel worried that those you love may die as well.

    Maybe the reason he's acting like this is in order to drive you away. Maybe there is a part of him that is thinking that he couldn't stand to lose you if you died etc (morbid but possible). That if that were to happen this would be the way to deal with it you know?

    Again with the moving onto another girl, he's probably got a lot of questions of his own life, maybe he does want to play the field. Many people will respond to sed situation by almost mocking their ex, but the fact he bothers to ask/care what you think raises a possibility he's not really sure what he wants.

    It could take a long time for him to come out of this, so maybe moving on is the best thing. But don't think that he didn't love you, even if he said it.

    When I broke up with my boyfriend a few months back he actually told me he didn't love me and never had. After taking a step back for a couple of months with occasional contact when we finally met up we both realised we still really loved each other and are back together, happy and moving in together (lol despite my post on the board).

    Don't worry, like you said you're young. There's plenty of time for this to all be sorted out. Don't speed up any grey hairs or uneccessary stress over a guy that isn't making you feel like a princess.

    Hope that's of some help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pelin wrote:
    i needed closure so i text him to ask if we could talk for a bit to say our final words and he told me that he never loved me and that i was a joke and neede to get a life and stay out of his.
    .

    Bloody hell, i think we all can safely say that he's totaly out of order, no one needs that. But you do need to no the tuth no matter how hurtful it is.

    And dont let this get you down :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my life is a rollercoaster, anyway there are new developments, the girl he was seeing said she just wants to be friends so saturday night he text me to ask what i was doing, and i was out with my friend, when i said that he started asking who and what im doin, the next day he was on the internet and started talking to me, he asked what i did the night before and then i asked him what he did and he said he went to the casino and lost 130 when i asked who he went with he said himself. he is becoming lonely now, and im moving on and happy, i still want to be his friend, but i know i don't want him anymore, i can't believe that as soon as i gave up on him, he came running back, we will see what else happens. This weekend has been a great confidence boost.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pelin wrote:
    i can't believe that as soon as i gave up on him, he came running back, we will see what else happens.


    Same happened to me. well not my boyfriends dad dieing but everything after, about me wanting him back, trying everything and he wanting nothing to do with me, being with someone else and then as soon as i started going out with my friends and getting over him he came running back. it does make you feel good just knowing they want you, doesnt it??? but question is do you want to take him back???

    sunflower :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that is the big question, I think i'll just keep things as friends because i still believe the nice him hasn't come back yet and he is still slightly too selfish.

    i do miss him though, i think being in a relationship for soo long makes you too comfortable, i miss having him there when i have good news, or when im sad, but at the moment he isn't really boyfriend material, he needs time alone i think.
    anyway i'll keep on updating because im sure there will be many more twists in this story.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    now we are talking as friends, but he has propositioned me to be his fuck buddy.
    im sooo tempted
    i dont know what to do
    i think im gonna do it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pelin wrote:
    now we are talking as friends, but he has propositioned me to be his fuck buddy.
    im sooo tempted
    i dont know what to do
    i think im gonna do it



    Please be careful if you do this as someone will get hurt and in my case it was me. With you being fuck buddies it, it does mean no strings and with no strings not only you can go with other people but he can too and if you still have feelings for them and have a slight hope of this just being the beginning of youes two getting back together then if you find out they been with other people it kills you. I hope you think about all consequences of this.


    Good Luck and i really hope everything works out great for you


    Sauce :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pelin wrote:
    now we are talking as friends, but he has propositioned me to be his fuck buddy.
    im sooo tempted
    i dont know what to do
    i think im gonna do it

    :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like your better off without him! Good luck with everything! Dont be his fuck buddy if you still have feelings for him! I almost went back to my ex like that for a while. Its the worst thing you can do if your still in deep. Find someone else to sleep with! Thats what i did and it worked anyways!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    don't know what situation I'm in?

    my story is quite long
    this guy who works in Big W his name is D... and he was always trying to get me to go out with him last year when I was still in school well I didn't know if I liked him ALOT but I did feel some attraction towards him
    anyway january on this year 09 something rolls around it was a monday night I remember that cause we went out the next day which was a tuesday anyway it was awkward at first just watching a movie tropic thunder he's a big army nut loves army themed movies anyway he starts poking me and tickling me and then he makes his move and kisses me
    we were offical then on then we started talking like "can we make this work"and I said "yes" from then on we've been on and off but when ever we've been back together I always mange to discover and find something about him that makes me love him even more
    he asked me random things like whould you marry me, I whould
    i'd asked him if he loves me he did before but the second time I asked him he said possibley i'm thinking that was a yes cause i think he was being playful anyway yes at this point we've had multiple sessions of intercourse
    I love him and the problem right now though is that i was going to the doctor the day after i WAS with him and he msgs me to get tested if you knoe what i mean anyway i do and i figured he whouldn't want to see me for the week till the results cause he's a worry wart anyway the week passes i tell him the results and he says good bye and we start talking back and forth for the next few hours and he's reason was that i',m annoying because i msg him too much, i only msg him to see if he wants to SEE me on a weekend preferbably instead of a day when i have to start work at 10am and only get to see him for an hour and ahalf and have to wake up an hour earlier to get to his house, i don't mind it but i'd like to spend more time with him and he says when i'm with him that he wishes he could BE WITH ME all day but then he jsut breaks it offafter a few days later, so i leave him alone for like a week after easter and i accidently, yes it was accidently send a msg to him that wasn't suppose to send anyway we start talking and its going okay because when he says "so miss my dick" its usually going to be okay but then i made the foolish mistake and send him a random sexy provocative pohto on my mobile and he says "ehy you send me this picture" and i say "i was bored" actually was trying to turn him on and give him a hint but it backfired and he said "how random your whacked"then i say"i'm not really i may be a little weird but i'm not whacked" (cause he thinks i'm weird?) he say's "leave me alone don't message me" i say "whatever your loss" and i leave him for about 5 days when i mount up the courage to make the first move and purposely txt him saying "um hi" he says " what do you want "well what" i say" i don't know (this was at like 2am in the morning"
    he say's don't fucking message me "then i got i'm sorry i sent you the picture it was stupid i'm sorry"stop annoying me and go away" fuck off i hate you and want u to go away"
    sorry give me a minute....k
    um so yeah nw its been a day since then and now since we've been on and off and i know him enough to kno with space he'll be alright but this time i' don't know i hope he will msg me i so hope cause i've never felt like this evrything about him i love i can't forget him or get him out of my head he makes me feel more beautiful then i already am i'd do anything for him
    but right now i'm just waiting for him
    i've left bit an peices out so if you wanna know just ask i so needed to vent never knew there was a site like this
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you realise this thread is 4 years old lol?
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Gonna close this thread. Weird to see a post I made so many moons ago. :chin:

    Welcome 'I'll always love u' - do feel free to start a new thread. :thumb:
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