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Friends back home...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Ya know what? I'm sick of people back home giving me shit because I am who I want to be and because I went away,it pisses me off. I returned to the pub where I used to work and only one person even bothered to say 'hello'... As if I'd abandoned them...

One guy told me a load of lies before I left saying how m friends are worried I wouldn't make friends because I'm not a very accepting person and come across as cold. He also pretty much said my other employer(not the one reviously mentioned) didn't want me going to the new year party.

And now... Another friend who I trusted has been unpleasent. The conversation pretty much went like this...

Me: Hi
Him: Hi, I'm thinking about signing up to the LGB in uni, but I don't think many people go
Me: Oh.. actually I went for the first time last week, I found it quite comfortable and the people are really nice.
Him: Yeah, actually I can't be bothered with bisexuals.

Ok hold on... He's known my orientation for years and he says this. I asked him why and his reply was something along the lines of...

Him: Well all bisexuals want is a fuck, they don't ever want relationships.
Me: How do you know? You can't make a sweeping judgement on all bisexual people with limited experience.
Him: See, you're just like your brother attacking me saying I have limited experience.

He lives at home in a small town, he's 22 and has never worked although he's in university.

Me: Well you can't base that on the few people you've met in Wrexham.
Him: I know what I'm talking about, it's just you... You stick up for black people but just look at the crime statistics. You hate to be called 'bisexual' and always act straight.

Because I'd get shit in my town if I dated a woman, so I kinda said that I don't like labels.Men and women give me butterflies and that's me, I hate the label because of what people assume... then he replied with something like...

Him: I've met a lot of bi men in chatrooms and they're arseholes.
Me: Everytime you insult a bisexual\personyou're hurting me too, I'm sick of the prejudice.

And all of a sudden he said...

Him: See, you want to go in to law but you just changed what you're saying and called yourself 'bisexual'... That's all I needed from you. You can't do that if you want to go in to law.
Me: What's that got to do with anything???
Him: That's all I needed to hear.

I mean what the hell???? So firstly he's attacking me for going to the LGBT and then attacking my ability to maybe one day go in to human rights? I don't get it at all, we used to be close.

He also said...

Him: You say you want marriage and kids one day, it's fucked up. If you ever go out with a girl you'd only leave her for cock.

I mean I'm hurt... And I don't know how to take his behaviour, I feel stabbed in the back. For the first time in my life I'm happy, so why can't people accept that? me and him go way back with our friendship and I don't want to lose him...

Why the fuck can't people stand to see me happy??? Why after all I do for people do they just not care and be funny when I go away? Am I dysfunctional or something?

I don't think I'll go to LGBT anymore then. :(

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    By the way, he said he didn't want me talking to his friends either (some he met through me)... he said he 'might' see me when I get back and I asked him why 'might'? And he called me a 'busy girl'

    What the fuck is wrong with the world???
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Sometimes people may not be completely OK with your decisions, but still like you as a person, and you might not realise any of this until they're upset and just can't think anything more than "releasing" everything they've locked inside them. This could be the case here, for all I know.

    Sometimes also, people will pretend to like you for some reason when they really don't. It's always shocking to see somebody reveal their true face.

    But why stop going there just for one person who you probably aren't even going to like anymore? And even if there are more, isn't it more important for you to be OK with yourself than just please people who are too close-minded to even try and understand you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he's got issues.

    Or perhaps your brother has upset him?

    Either way, I don't think you not going to LGBT is going to help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went last night and had fun, I'm glad I did.

    I just don't see why he's trying to get a rise out of me...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    -[MoonRat]- wrote:
    I went last night and had fun, I'm glad I did.
    I'm glad you didn't let him stop you going, and glad that you enjoyed yourself.
    I just don't see why he's trying to get a rise out of me...
    Gay Times, Dec 05, p52 wrote:
    As we all know, before any gay man is born he receives a three-day intensive in-womb workshop on hilarious ways to crush other people's egos while maintaining his own
    Obviously, not knowing the guy, we can't say for sure.
    Perhaps he's pissed off that you stole his "being out" thunder by already having joined - especially as he appears to consider you/bisexuals to be closeted; perhaps he's just had a breakup with a married man.

    Whatever, let it pass - if he carries on being an arsehole - well, who wants a bigot for a friend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah...

    Now he's saying that he has a third year attitude and I have a first year one where all I do is listen to my lecturers and read textbooks to get my opinions... Yeah, whatever. :rolleyes:

    Not gonna talk to him for a while.
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    BunnieBunnie Posts: 6,099 Master Poster
    babe, i am a third year. and i still have the same attitude as i did when i was a first year (prob not the best thing, or anything to be proud of tho ha ha!) but i would like to say i am thinking he is jealous of you, and maybe has a few underlying bisexual feelings of his own. do you think that could be the case? he has no right to speak to you like this, and if he does it again, explain that you aint guna take it anymore. what is he doing for a degree? because i also do law, and when people ask what u do, u always get the raised eyebrows, and the "oh well, that suprises me!" so there's a possibility that he is jealous of that too!
    dont let him get u down, and i am glad u had a lovely time last nite!
    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just ignore him, he seems like a complete twat. He had no right saying such crap to you. Don't let him stop you from going to the LBGT, if its what you want to do then he can't stop you. As someone else mentioned, this guy obviously has his own issues and is taking em out on you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bunny_0_ wrote:
    babe, i am a third year. and i still have the same attitude as i did when i was a first year (prob not the best thing, or anything to be proud of tho ha ha!) but i would like to say i am thinking he is jealous of you, and maybe has a few underlying bisexual feelings of his own. do you think that could be the case? he has no right to speak to you like this, and if he does it again, explain that you aint guna take it anymore. what is he doing for a degree? because i also do law, and when people ask what u do, u always get the raised eyebrows, and the "oh well, that suprises me!" so there's a possibility that he is jealous of that too!
    dont let him get u down, and i am glad u had a lovely time last nite!
    xx
    I do human rights and politics... I'd like to maybe do a law conversion eventually.

    But yeah, he lives at home, has never had a job and is doing somthing to do with computers.

    Every time I win an arguement he brings something else up.

    It's just some of my mates back home seem to be unable to accept that I'm happy... Or maybe it's because I've come out of my shell.
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    BunnieBunnie Posts: 6,099 Master Poster
    -[MoonRat]- wrote:
    Every time I win an arguement he brings something else up.

    It's just some of my mates back home seem to be unable to accept that I'm happy... Or maybe it's because I've come out of my shell.

    well im sticking with my jealousy theory ha ha ha! he wants what u have, u are probably much more secure in urself. and by changing the subject when u win an arguement makes him feel he has one up on you. dont take it too much to heart. is there any chance he mite fancy you? coz it is starting to make me think thats a strong possibility, but he is still using the old primary school technique! x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    -[MoonRat]- wrote:
    By the way, he said he didn't want me talking to his friends either (some he met through me)... he said he 'might' see me when I get back and I asked him why 'might'? And he called me a 'busy girl'

    Fuck 'em! If their your mates as well then he's a cheeky cunt for saying that. Plus he sounds prejudiced as fuck. Its his own problem.

    At the end of the day if you move away your going to change. You'll meet new people, be exposed to new opinions and ideas ... chances are its almost certain you'll return home at least a marginally different person. Its not a friends place to judge whether they prefer the new you. Its a friends place to listen patiently while you tell them stories of how much fun you had before all getting pissed and acting like nothings changed sinse you were 16!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont worry about it! I sort of know how it feels...at uni people have been sending rumours round about me being a lesbian as im a member of the LBGT Society. People have been acting as if i cant be bisexual! They dont seem to like it! If i say im not a lesbian, they say your straight then! Kinda annoys me, dont see why its such a big deal! When i hit on a guy the other week who i really fancy he seemed shocked and said he thought i was a lesbian. People have been saying because i came across as being shy at a party as well! Why does appearing shy make you a lesbian!? I just wasnt in a partying mood anyway. People who say things like this are just bored and insecure about themselves! Thats teh conslusion ive come to anyway!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fairy wrote:
    They dont seem to like it! If i say im not a lesbian, they say your straight then! Kinda annoys me, dont see why its such a big deal!
    Yeah it's wierd... people act as if it's a big deal, when it's them making the fuss.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Perhaps you might want to consider making a a complete break from this mate? There's an article called Dumping your mates on TheSite which deals with this controversial issue. I'm not suggesting that you should definitely dump your mate, but just to consider what is worth holding on to and what isn't.

    I hope you manage to sort the situation out soon :)
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