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Invaded her privacy....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
:blush:

Well, heres the story, been with my g/f for about 2 and a bit years, broke up a few times in between, the usual thing, saw other people, came back, all happy. Anyway, I know you shouldn't be in a relationship when you don't trust someone, but it isn't that I dont trust her, I'm just a very suspicious person.

So anyway, last week, she went on holiday with 2 girls mates for a week, they fell out while on holiday so apparently she spent a fair bit of time with the boys who lived next door. Anyway, I was a bit off with her when she came back, being the slightly suspicious person that I am, (to be fair, I'm very private, get funny when she reads my phone/blah blah blah) she seemed to be spending time on msn.

As the story unfolds, I came to check my email lastnight, and found some messages on there from this guy, so I just to the worse, as you would, sent her a text message just saying "might not be an idea to leave hotmail signed in next time you use my pc." She rang and said well I can understand how you feel, but I swear nothing happened, we're just good friends and so on. Reading the messages after, it is actually pretty clear that nothing did happen, although he does seem a bit of a slime ball.

But anyway, spoke to her today and shes now very angry, upset and annoyed that I read her emails and invaded her privacy. I've read the article on here about snooping, oops, looks like I cocked that up. IMO, she's slightly over reacting and turning this round onto me being the baddy, which yeh, I guess I am. Don't really know what I want to say or hear, I'm in the wrong arn't I? I couldn't help it though, I just saw the name there and clicked, I think anyone of us would, even she.

Thanks for listening, sorry about the essay :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, you are the bad guy here, sorry to tell you that! I see where you're coming from in terms of thinking she's overreacting, but tbh, i'd go apeshit, cos i'm a really private person myself. maybe for next time you should read the emails, make sure nothing's going on and if not, stay shtum? or just not read the emails? I know it's heard-it's like your mate leaving their diary open, it;s very hard to make sure theres nothing in there about you that you don't want to be, but end of the day snooping is stupid. If you get caught, too many people get hurt. If you don't, you feel guilty and you might actually find out something you didn't want to.
    Okay, done with the lecture ness, hope you two work it out. A xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just apologise to her and explain why you did it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hell..I'm a suspicious guy like yourself..I don't personally think you're in the wrong..if its there for the reading..I would've read it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend is very suspicious and I don't appreciate it. He once went through my phone and I knew he did it because he mentioned someone called "Alex" who Ive never mentioned to him.. Alex was actually my little cousing visiting and he thought she was a him.

    He doesnt mention my phone anymore because if I repsect his privacy then he should damn well respect mine. I understand how pissed off she is, and tbh you deserve it in my opinion.

    Just apologise and explain your insecurities. Although, she may not want to stick around if you keep annoying her about her privacy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It a bit of a difficult situation as i have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now but we split up for about 3 months at the 2 year mark, when we got back together where we had had other people like us or he was seeing someone for a month, we were both paranoid and checking each others phones but the truth is when you have nothing to hide why should it matter if your partner looks in your phone, so its a bit of a tricky one, now we are both cool and because we have said yeah whatever u can look in my phone all day long, we dont! as that trust is there but when people get all private and secretive it does make you think, whats that about??!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It a bit of a difficult situation as i have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now but we split up for about 3 months at the 2 year mark, when we got back together where we had had other people like us or he was seeing someone for a month, we were both paranoid and checking each others phones but the truth is when you have nothing to hide why should it matter if your partner looks in your phone, so its a bit of a tricky one, now we are both cool and because we have said yeah whatever u can look in my phone all day long, we dont! as that trust is there but when people get all private and secretive it does make you think, whats that about??!!

    yeah, different strokes for different folks I guess.

    I have no problem with my g/f looking through my phone, email etc. I have nothing to hide so why get worried about it? She doesn't even need to ask, she knows all my passwords etc. She is the same with me, and to be honest I would be a bit concerned if she did get the hump for me looking. But that's just us, some people get really funny about this sort of thing, although in my experience it's because they are usually hiding something. :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote:
    yeah, different strokes for different folks I guess.

    I have no problem with my g/f looking through my phone, email etc. I have nothing to hide so why get worried about it? She doesn't even need to ask, she knows all my passwords etc. She is the same with me, and to be honest I would be a bit concerned if she did get the hump for me looking. But that's just us, some people get really funny about this sort of thing, although in my experience it's because they are usually hiding something. :rolleyes:

    I agree, I really dont see what the problem is, when you are that close with someone, I mean my boyfriend knows everyone that is in my phone and vise versa, i pick his phone up and he picks mine up, i dont get why people get so angry, its not like its your diary!

    On another note sometimes texts can be misinterpretated especially from the opposite sex, but again i have no problem with my boyfriend having girls as mates but when it comes down to it i am his girlfriend and am therefore his best 'girl' friend and he shouldn't really have that kind of relationship with another girl and i shouldnt with another guy and therefore shouldnt be getting texts or calls that make you think hummm........ but that again is just me and my opinion! :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If youre going to snoop through her stuff, dont get caught next time. Certainly dont phone her and say that youve done it.
    If you feel the need to snoop, then maybe you need to think about that a bit more, and why you did it. Why do you feel suspicious,m or was it just a bit of harmless nosiness?
    Either way its not good. Its not the crime of the century though, as long as its not over the top checking up on her every move.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    me and my bf always use to check each others texts till we started getting the wrong end of the stick through some of them and we questioned each other till we were so annoyed and protective over our phones. I then discovered that i could 'view conversations' on msn on his messenger and i just kept on getting the wrong end of the stick again or got pissed off with what other girls talked to him about. i decided it wasn't healthy and stopped. she should be forgiving really, your gf that if, she shouldn't have anything to worry about anyway if nothing happend. look for the guilty signs like :nervous: . hee!
    xAx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think your in the wrong at all. I wouild have done the exact same. She left it there for you to see. She should have told you that she was staying in contact with these guys. So she cant go mad at you when shes the one e-mailing a guy she met behind your back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a bad culprit. i sign up to all the forums my wife is on to spy on her and I know all her passwords and check everything shes done :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maffy I'm a bad culprit. i sign up to all the forums my wife is on to spy on her and I know all her passwords and check everything shes done

    everything? everything isn't good, maybe somethings. dont you get over paranoid by doing that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes. definately.... I've even hit her cause I thought she was seeing other guys. She is so miserable at the moment. I dont know what to do :( I feel so bad
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    um...stop hitting her maybe. You need to go to your dr and get some treatment before you get worse
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think all of us have been in a situation where we didn't understand something that was going oin with our mate. When this happens we don't always use good thought processes. Trust but verify! If you don't have trust in a relationship you don't have a relationship. In this situation both were using the same pc...right? I don't know how much trouble you had to go through to snoop. In this case the big mistake that you made was talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut and your eyes open in the future!
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