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Uni is making me think

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year - we saw each other months before - had a really hard time trying to kick start a relationship because he wasn't sure what he wanted from me. Anyway we've spent practically everyday together since being together, for near on a year, and 2 weeks ago, he moved to university for his freshers week. I missed him terribly, envied the fact he was constantly out getting totally pissed off his face, and he suggested I look at pics of the events he's been to online, as he's in some of them, to find myself brought down by the torrent of scantily clad, pretty young girls at his uni.

He phoned me at his most drunkness, usually around 4am to say "I love you, I miss you" and such, and it seemed that he was took drunk to feel most the time, the aching and the pain I was feeling missing him, but after a few days - it all seemed to clear up in my mind and I felt like I was really getting on ok without him, plus uni freshers week for me and my uni was starting a week after his.

I'm in freshers week right now, and since I've arrived he's text me loads constantly saying I miss you, when can I come up, when can I stay , when are you coming to see me. I just let him get on with his week, let him tell me every detail and mentioned missing him when he got into his soppy moments. But he expects to pinpoint an exact time to go to him, or him to me and I'm in my week of freshers. Last week he was loving it, this week I am.

Freshers for me has been amazing. I've made friends with all the girls on my section, and for the first time in ages, I'm just making male friends and meeting blokes without someone slinging a drunken arm round me and glaring at the bloke I'm talking to till he leaves. I feel really independant and strong atm, - I feel confidant and am talking to loads of new people, but as soon as I mention a bloke I get "Is he coming onto you? Then why is he speaking to you" and I gave him none of that sort of grief, I never deprived him of friendships with girls despiting him having girls numbers and recieiving texts wanting to meet him in nightclubs and such. I feel guilty because I'm not homesick and in a way I'm not missing him, but am in small ways.

I've met two guys mainly, one who I just found I really liked him and he showed an interest in me despite my shyness and the prettier girls of my section. And then another guy whose just like, getting to be a random good friend, but it feels like, because we met when he walked down my hall, saw my door open and came in and stayed and talked intelligantly to me for hours, with no wanting anything more from me, but we're not close friends so it bobs in that little phaze where it swings either way. I don't find anyone else especially attractive. But I just feel like my bf coming to see me would get in the way of my friendships and stuff with blokes. That I'm having those bubbly feelings for people and it scares me because the guy who I just really liked I've started to think about and he's really forward about the way he is and feels and like, knows I have a bf. And I imagine kissing him, touching him, being with him intimately, but not for a relationship.

I've been out to parties practically every night and once or twice I've danced with blokes, one being that guy I really liked, and he insisted he bought me a drink wanted to be alone with me...and I was tempted...because I've never done anything spontaneous before...and I wanna become really involved and immersed in so many activites at uni, and all my bf suggests at the moment is me leaving to see him, laying on really heavy the constant "I love you" , "I'm missing you so badly" "You still want to be with me don't you" "You haven't found anyone else?" "We're still together aren't we?" and I feel guilty, and like I want to be spontaneous.

I love my boyfriend, he's amazing to me. But uni is such a huge thing to me. And I'm doing it on my own and there's no one swiping my opportunities to have friends, and no one is reluctant to speak to me because they don't assume I'm hooked up with someone and avoid me. I feel like I'm so incredibly attracted to him that I wanna lead him home and rip his clothes on then and there, and just be random. Not because I expect more but because I'm the girl with the others who are all dancing away with blokes they've just met and I'm dancing alone because I've got someone. I feel terrible - like I'll regret it if I don't take an opportunity, even to have a random pash with this guy, but I'll regret it because my bf is amazing, and I do love him, and this could risk everything.

I'm so confused, I don't want to stop liking this other guy, or I want to start missing and wanting my boyfriend around me regardless of where I am or who I know.

Sorry this is terribly long :( I just need advice.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Many relationships do not survive uni, that's a simple fact to start off with, so no matter what happens eventually you'll not be the only couple that it happens to.

    It sounds as if your boyfriend is being a bit too crowding for you, maybe you need to mention that you need your own space for a while to get to know your uni friends properly.

    Frankly even if people are coming on to you it's not for him to ask, because it's up to you to deal with in whatever way you fancy.

    If you still want to be with your boyfriend, then I think you just need to tell him to ease off on the questioning a bit to let you relax more. If the only reason you are staying with your boyfriend is because of guilt, then you should suggest a break or call it off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it sounds to me like you've come to a natural break. don't feel bad, it happens to everyone at some point. this is exactly the reason most people break up in their first year.

    uni life is new an exciting and there are all these new people and things to do, and you don't want to miss out. and you know, that's ok.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I found myself attracted to another guy especially in such a short amount of time then I would ask myself whether I should even be with my boyfriend. As far as I'm concerned, I should only be attracted to him. Afterall, he is the one I'm with.
    After a year??
    I dont actually think its that bad to feel a bit attracted to someone. You dont all of a sudden become blind to other peoples good looks, but the fact is you really want to be single just now and i dont blame you. it sounds like good fun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no one is reluctant to speak to me because they don't assume I'm hooked up with someone and avoid me

    people aren't just going to avoid you 'cause they think ohh she's got a boyfriend! there are plenty of lads that you'll meet that may turn out to be good friends. i think the fact that you're thinking about this so much shows you don't really feel like you want to be with your boyfriend at the minute..but you have to think is the grass really greener? it's only been a week or 2, maybe ask him to give you some space and see how you get along.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you don't ever take a shine to any other person then you're not human, IMHO. It is human and natural to take a look at the menu, and sometimes you'll see something you like the sound of.

    What you need to decide is whether the menu is nicer than your bloke. It sounds like you think it is. It's a perfectly normal decision to reach, a new time, a new town and new friends makes you realise that perhaps the bloke you have isn't the one you want to keep. That's a perfectly fine decision.

    Wanting to be normal and experience other people is a rational decision, and its the right decision if that's what you want to do.

    lucifer: I think what she means is that she doesn't have a possessive bf draped all over her and scaring off everyone now, so she can talk to people more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote:
    Frankly even if people are coming on to you it's not for him to ask, because it's up to you to deal with in whatever way you fancy.

    What mist says is true because he should trust u (although its only natural for him to worry) but at the same time ur actions will have big consequences for u ur BF and ur relationship. U Can deal with this guy however u want but its gonna hurt people if u choose wrong break up with ur Bf if u must but dont cheat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you sound as if you've kinda made your desicion already, it's hurting him that's holding you back. I was in a long distance relationship last year, it didn't last even though i thought we were doing fine (which we were, i think he had an epipheny or however its spelt). If i were you i'd take some time to sit and list the pros and cons, then if you do decide to end it, think of the best way to do it.
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